He Always Shows Up

During youth group, we shared our missions testimonies today. I wanted to share mine on the blog so here it is! Instead of documenting on everything, I focused on one event that meant a lot to me. Also we will be posting everyone's testimonies on the missions blog so look out for those in the near future!
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Before we left for missions, I had several prayer topics.

1. I prayed that God would financially provide 100% of the trip.
2. That we would have unity in within our mission team and with the whole Joshua Generation mission team as well.
3. I wanted the Holy Spirit to come and encounter each of our team members. I wanted to see lives transformed - lives of our youth group members, the JG team, and the people we met on the streets. I wanted breakthroughs for our team.
4. My health. Whenever I am exhausted, tired, and weak, I can get really sick. So I asked people to pray for my health while we were away.

Although I was praying and I even asked people to pray for me and the missions team - a part of me questioned whether I was just saying words out of my mouth or would God really answer each one of my prayer topics? But throughout the two weeks while we were training in Pittsburgh and while we were in outreach in Boston, I saw God answer each one of these prayer topics one by one. For my first prayer topic - financial provision, I saw God open up people’s heart to really give and not only did he provide 100% of the cost of the trip, he provided even more! Thank you God!

The first week was intense training from Sunday to Friday at the YWAM Pittsburgh base (with the exception of the fun day on Wednesday when we went to a water park). There were many teachings as well as breakthroughs each day. As a leader, but not a YWAM leader, Augustine and I didn’t have distinctive roles in the beginning of the trip. This is what I wrote in my journal - “I think I’ve had moments yesterday where I was like - ‘what am I doing here? We should have just sent them by themselves - but no, God you have called Aug and me to be here for a reason. Jesus, I pray for ‘marching order.’ Who can I pray for? What should I say?” From then on, I felt a burden to pray for specific people each day. Although I felt really really burdened, I also experienced the most joy when I was able to pray for them and saw God just lift things off their hearts and shoulders.

One morning, the Joshua Generation head leader, Doug spoke on trusting in God. I don’t remember the specifics, but he shared the video of Jay Wright in the championship game. Even though there were only three seconds in the game, he had faith that once the ball was in the hands of his players they were going to shoot and win the game. Out of all the teachings, this really stuck with me. Doug said God will continue to reveal more and more to you as you go deeper in your relationship with God. I also want to be so close to God and be in a place where I trust Him so much that whatever He tells me is not crazily radical (though to others it may seem so). I want to be so confident in His love and as a daughter. It is not my role to perform, but to know my Father’s heart and to say “yes” to what He asks of me - not out of obligation, but out of my love for Him. After hearing this, my role during the trip was to know my Father’s heart by listening to Him and to go out in obedience. On day four of our mission trip, I felt really burdened and discouraged throughout the day. Although I felt so discouraged and burdened, I realized that this is not how I usually feel. Then it occurred to me that earlier in the day, I asked God to give me His heart. And God feels the burden and pain we feel as His own. Then I realized that the burdens (or whatever I was feeling) was not my own, but it was because God wanted to lift it up from the people feeling them. God already sent Jesus to die on the cross and Jesus already resurrected so that we don’t have to carry the burdens of our shame and guilt anymore. I felt that God wanted me to go up and speak out of obedience and said - “I feel like there are people here today that feel like they are carrying a lot of burdens. God wants to lift them up today. So if you feel like this, come up and the staff will pray for you.” At first there was an awkward pause, but afterward, at least six of the youth stepped up and then the Holy Spirit came and moved in amazing ways. It was amazing. As I saw the youth encounter God like never before, I heard God speak these words to my heart - “Grace, I always show up.” I don’t know why I doubt or doubted that God was going to show up because He always shows up when we step out in obedience. God doesn’t have a list of qualifications that I must meet before He can use me. Rather He just requires my full obedience. Sometimes God will ask us to do things that doesn’t make sense. But when we obey, He will show up - not because of anything we did, but because it’s His nature. Whenever He shows up everything changes. Through this mission trip, God opened my eyes once again to see that yes, God is the God who answers our prayers. He has the best in store for me - and when I can come to Him in prayer, I come with faith and confidence that He hears my prayers and is faithful.

There’s a lot more that God taught me and revealed to me during the two weeks, but this was the biggest breakthrough I personally experienced during the trip. Through this, I was really encouraged and challenged to continue to pray with expectation for the youth group and my friends. Please pray for me as I continue to study for my MCAT on Aug 20th!

SBC 2016 Testimony

Genesis 12:1-9

Last night Dr. Bill Pottenger gave the message on Genesis 12:1-9 titled “You Will Be a Blessing.” At the age of 75, God called Abram and his family. “The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.’ ‘I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.’” So Abraham obeyed and left everything that was familiar and comfortable to him. He left his country, his people, and his father’s household. By Abram’s actions, we can see that he truly believed God’s promises. Without hesitation, he took his family and left. I have lived in my father’s household for most of my life. Last summer, I spent two months in Uganda, away from my family and friends. I missed my family, my mom’s cookings, and the comforts of living in America. However I could still talk to them via kakaotalk or just chat with them online. But Abram left everything he knew at the age of 75 with his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, and with all the possessions they accumulated and the people they had acquired in Harran. He turned away from what was evil and turned toward what God had promised him. I really admire Abraham’s life of faith. Yes, we know clearly the mistakes Abraham had made. He failed to trust God in his promises of giving him a son and tried to force it by having his servant conceive a son for him. Though Abram made mistakes later in life, I admire Abram’s faith and obedience throughout his life - especially when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. Despite not knowing what God had for him in the future, Abram believed what God had promised him and he obeyed. There is no in between when God calls you to leave. You either stay where you are, or you go. Another point in Dr. Bill’s message I found interesting was that God revealed to Abraham what he was going to do long before Jesus came on this earth. Abraham knew that Jesus was coming. I want to have the type of faith that Abraham had - that when God speaks, I believe and I trust that God is faithful to do what he has promised to do.

Right now I am twenty-one years old. I have many dreams and visions God has revealed for my future. However, sometimes I fail to trust God and worry about the future. I will be graduating college next semester and I will be applying to medical schools next application cycle. However, even if I live to be 100 years old, this is nothing in comparison to the eternal life we will live. It’s hard to fathom the city we will be living in and it’s hard to believe that this will be our reality. As God called Abram, He called me. He calls me to follow Him and to make Him known. But I realized that the plans God has for my life are not just for me, but for others. God revealed to Abraham a plan that was greater than just for his life. God had a plan and promise for his offspring and descendants as well. But because of the great plan God had for Abraham, there were a lot of things he went through that must not have made sense at a time. God promised Abraham a son, but Sarah could not conceive. It must have been discouraging at times, but it was because God had a plan that was greater than just for his life. In the same way, God has a plan that is greater than just for my life. It is His heart and desire for all to know Him and join His family. I pray that my desire is to live with eternity in mind and not to get too caught up in the world we live in. Even though we may suffer or be uncomfortable for a little while in this world, it will be worth it when we arrive in eternity.

Come Alive Part I

The last three weeks have been incredible. Tiring, exhausting, and challenging, but incredible. God has been doing so much in my heart that there is so much to share that I'm not sure how long it will take. But at the same time, since so much has happened, I keep pushing it back, saying that I'll write about everything "later." But I know that if I keep pushing it back, it will become too burdensome to write about everything at once and it'll be on the back of my mind for months. I most likely won't get through everything in this blog post, but I will keep writing and sharing what God has done in my life the last three weeks (and even before) because my story is a testimony of God's goodness.

Renewed Passion

From June 26th - 29th, I attended the Grace Retreat for the first time as a small group leader. It was such an honor to meet and get to know my small group - Ashley, Sarah, Esther, Minha, and Emily even if was only for four days. The theme of the retreat was "Come Alive," calling the youth to come alive - to take ownership of their generation to know and serve God. Before the retreat, I had been asking God for a sense of direction - a purpose after graduating college. Should I try to scribe or should I TA? Should I volunteer? Should I pursue photography? Should I do something abroad? Should I keep serving the youth? Should I do more for the college ministry? I still don't know the answers to these questions, but I know that God will continue to unfold the plans he has for my life. Serving the youth group for the last two years has been a joy to me. It's where I learned to love and to joyfully serve with all my heart. It's my joy and delight to see them grow in their faith and choose to follow Jesus with all their heart despite what their culture dictates. But at the same time, it's a lot of work and I can't plan to do much on the weekends. It can easily become routine and it can get tiring week after week. It's where I struggle the most because sometimes I don't know if I'm making a difference or if I'm doing enough. Sometimes I don't know whether I should rebuke or encourage them. I don't know if they'll realize how much we plan for just a Saturday meeting or how much we care for them (even now, I don't think I'll ever know how much Aug, Sarah, Paul, and Belssi did for us when I was in youth group). But I know this: God has called me to love on them and to pray for them (even when they're hard to love because it's God's kindness that leads us to repentance). At Grace Retreat, God really renewed my passion for loving the youth. As each speaker spoke, my heart was like "yes, yes, yessss!" He's calling forth a new generation of believers that will stand up for their faith and that will make Jesus known in their middle and high schools. They're going to do even more than I ever did in high school. They're going to be on fire. I believe that my role right now is to pray for them, empower them, and mentor them to equip them for what God has in store for their lives.

"You're a good banana."

At Grace Retreat, Lana shared a story about how once she was speaking in South America (I forget the country) but God told her to say - "You're a good banana." She had no idea what the phrase meant or how it would impact the people there, but when she spoke it, it really touched the people's lives. Apparently, they package chiquita bananas there and only the "good bananas" get exported to another country and the bad bananas get fed to the pigs. So she was essentially telling them - "you are good enough." It's been a while since I thought about my identity. I know who I am (or I thought I knew who I am, haha). But God has been taking me further in knowing who I am. I was made for a purpose. I was fearfully and wonderfully made. He made me the way I am because He has a plan for me. If you don't already know, I'm kind of weird, haha. But he made me this way. I love the sciences, but at the same time I love the arts. In college, I found it difficult to find people like me. And recently I realized that I can be really particular at times, haha (and a perfectionist). But it's okay! He made me this way. I also get words of knowledge about situations and people at times but I haven't been good at sharing them. I usually know when someone is not doing well spiritually (even if they tell me they're "good") so it's better not to lie to me, haha. And I usually keep them to myself, but God has been really tugging at my heart to share what He has told me and what He has done in my life. When I don't share what God has done, I am taking away the glory that is His. I also felt that before going to Grace Retreat, God was telling me - "Grace, I'm giving you a new voice." At Grace Retreat Pastor Chris Pautrat asked people who God was calling them to preach to stand up. In my senior year in high school, I had a dream that I was speaking in front of people. But at that time, I really couldn't imagine myself speaking in front of people. But then two years later, I gave my first message to the youth group. It was hard standing in front of people and sharing my heart. I struggled to find my voice. There are charismatic speakers, funny speakers, and etc. I struggled to speak boldly even if I prepared a lot for it. But God has been really convicting me that He created me to speak just the way I am. He doesn't want me to try to be like another speaker. He has shared with me what's on His heart and He has given me a voice to share it. As a daughter, it's my role to share what's on my Father's heart. I am not speaking to perform, but to obey because I love my Father. And what I've been learning is that once I step out in obedience, God will take care of the rest. His presence will come and He will move. It's not what I do, but it's what He does. And when He shows up, everything changes.

Another thing I learned that is that when I share what God has done in my life, my victory will become other people's victories. So I hope that you find what I wrote to be encouraging and if you are convicted, claim it! Because it's not mean for me to keep everything to myself. God wants to come and move in your life as well!