Hi everyone, I have been meaning to write this post since Andrew and I got married. In this post, I'll share all the resources that I used to plan our wedding last June. Wedding planning can get overwhelming quickly so I hope this post can help someone in the midst of planning!
I would say earlier in the planning stages, I was way more ambition on tackling DIY projects. As we got closer to the wedding I gave up on the idea of DIY-ing everything and asked my bridesmaids for help on things I couldn't do on my own.
All the photos below were taken by our photographer, Ann.
The cute vow books were a gift from our photographer, Ann. I really liked the idea of sending traditional invitations in the mail and printed mine own at home! I purchased A7 blush envelopes, A7 white notecards, and 4 bar white note cards from Paper Source.
These were also a sweet gift from Sarah! She lettered it herself! 😍
We wanted our groomsmen to have matching blush ties. Andrew and I went to Macy's and found these very light pink ties for each of the groomsmen! I also thought it would be very cute to have personalized tie bars so we ordered them from StampedExpressionsCo (Etsy)! I also wanted to embroider the pocket squares with each person's initial, but I didn't know anything about embroidering at that time. When I made a trial version, it looked terrible so I just threw that idea out!
I ordered the cake topper at Rawkrft Etsy Shop when the shop just opened! I was super happy with it. We ordered a buttercream 3-tiered cake and a sheet cake from Shilla Bakery. I forget how much each sheet cake feeds, but here is an article you can read that may be helpful! For the cake decoration, my sister-in-law used the flowers we bought at Potomac Floral Wholesale and beautifully decorated the cake on our wedding day! The cake stand was provided by the venue.
I purchased the votive candle holders and the candles at Joann's and Michael's whenever there was a sale. I also purchased the multiple vase sets with Lata (who was getting married a month before me) and split the price! Though we could share the vases, we purchased our own set of floating candles. In total we paid $194 each for the candle holder set and the floating candles. For the table numbers, I used the Finetec gold watercolor with a calligraphy nib on watercolor paper to create them.
I asked my bridesmaid and close friends to come help make these eucalyptus centerpieces the day before our wedding! We gathered in my parent's basement and worked on these for 4+ hours. One of my bridesmaids, Susan, took the lead and taught us all how to make them.
This is not an extensive list of all the DIY projects I attempted (hopefully more posts to follow). Please let me know if you're interested in any particular project I attempted and I will go into further detail about them in future posts! Writing this post made me realize how grateful I am for all the friends and families who gave their time to help Andrew and me plan for our wedding day. It was a beautiful (and hot) June day. Thank you everyone for helping us and loving us so well!
1.Honestly, this year and season has been one of the hardest to have walked through. There were many mountains and valleys, but I am so thankful for Jesus – for his love and strength, who carried me through this year. In this “year of the unknown,” I have learned to lean into him deeper than before. And through this season, I have come to realize that I am nothing without God and I have nothing apart from Him. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit – his guidance and leading through each week and day. Though this year has been full of many uncertainties (it only makes sense and is clearer looking back) but I am thankful for this season because it has stretched and deepened my faith in trusting God for the plans He has for my life. He is surely good. There were many tears, many challenges, and many struggles but there were also many joys, victories, and good news!
2.I am so thankful for my family - my parents for continually supporting me though I am almost a year out of college. I am so thankful for the time I had with my sister this season (especially as I spend hours with her every day over the summer while teaching SAT class and preparing for Belize missions). I am thankful that I am able to continue to live at home and spend this season and time with my sister.
3.I am thankful for Hannah. She has been a very good friend to me throughout the years - but especially this year. It has been an encouragement to see her walk in faith despite the uncertainties and the unknowns of this season.
4.I am thankful for Aug, Sarah, and Caleb and the opportunity to lead the youth group. I cannot believe it’s already my fourth year teaching the youth group!
5.I am thankful for Cecilia, who studied with me every day and kept me accountable for two months while we took the Kaplan course together in order to study for the MCAT. I especially saw God’s hand throughout the whole process as I was able to win the Kaplan course at an auction for 1/3rd the price!
6.I am so thankful for all my photography clients. I truly enjoyed photographing each graduation session for my friends this past May and June.
7.I am thankful also for my lettering clients! I loved designing and working with Nana for her wedding day in September. It was such a joy to see all the work I had done on a computer come to life!
8.I am thankful for the Belize missions trip and team members. I had the opportunity to lead worship for the Belize Summer Bible Conference. It was an honor to be able to do so. I am also thankful for being able to go back to Belize to attend Dillon and Shannelle’s wedding. I am thankful that I was able to go snorkeling (though it was cloudy most of the time I was there, but snorkeling was so awesome)!
9.I am thankful for God who has provided – and has provided enough for me throughout this season. I am so thankful that God knows exactly what I need when I needed. I was a bit antsy in the earlier half of the year because I had no idea what I was going to do after I went on Belize missions. It was a difficult decision for me to make – to choose to go on missions, but now that I am looking back, God already knew and had a plan for me. And that is so mind boggling! Though I was so discouraged and disappointed that I could not apply for medical school this cycle, God knew that I needed a break and a time before starting school again. And I am also so thankful that God provided a job for me at Bethesda Vision Care. I really enjoy being around my coworkers and I am also soo soo grateful for this position at NIH (which I will start in a couple of months but not sure exactly when). I always wanted a job or internship at NIH and it was such a good surprise when I received the email since I interviewed earlier this year! I know starting at NIH will stretch me to grow and think, but I am so excited to see where God will lead in the months and weeks to come!
10.I am thankful for my class - Joy, Rebekah, and Ashia. I love how they are each so different, but I see how God made each person fearfully and wonderfully. Although we ran into some car issues on our way back, I really enjoyed when our class visited Mary in Richmond (btw they also pushed my car when it was in neutral, haha). I also really enjoyed going apple picking!
11.The older I get, I appreciate even more the community God has given me. I am so thankful for everyone’s support and love through all these years. I was especially reminded of this when my car battery died at church. There were so many people who were concerned and help me jumpstart my car (esp Joe who made sure that I got home safely)!
Over the summer, I read this devotional titled Draw the Circle: The 40 Day Prayer Challenge by Mark Batterson (the pastor of the National Community Church in Washington DC) with a few friends. The book, full of testimonies after testimonies of answered prayers, has encouraged me to keep praying and to pray even more specific prayers.
The book is full of testimonies after testimonies of answered prayers - amazing ways God has answered people's prayers. As I neared the end of the 40 day challenge, I was reminded of the Tuesday prayer meetings I attended with friends from youth group throughout middle and high school.
"Hey, are you going to prayer meeting?"
This was a weekly question we asked each other. "Are you going to be at prayer meeting?" And it was how we kept each other accountable. I don't think we understood the value of prayer in those times. I know I surely didn't. Some days, it felt like a sacrifice to attend prayer meeting when I felt like my time would be better spent studying instead of praying. But I remember I would leave each time - refreshed and encouraged, and with no regrets. It was time I treasured. To spend time in the presence of God and at the same time - with my friends. And though we could not see it at the time, I believe God was working in our midst. I didn't really understand. We would pray for our schools week after week - for God to come, reach people. But week after week, I could not see God moving. And finally, years later down the line, I believe that I am witnessing the answers to all the prayers we had sown even up to eight years ago. It has been awesome seeing friends and people I used to know in high school turn to God in prayer and in search to know Him. And as we continue into the future, I am excited for God to reveal the fullness of his glory.
This is a super short post, but I just wanted to share this to encourage you to keep praying! I know I often wonder if God actually hears my prayers or if it's actually doing anything, but God is listening! And God is moving and doing far greater things than we can imagine or comprehend. James 5:16b says "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." What and who are you going to pray for today?
Ever since studying the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead at our church's annual Spring Bible Conference, God has really placed this passage in my heart. I haven't written in a while so it feels a bit strange to be back at it again, but my hope is that you can leave this post having a deeper understanding of the passage and of the Father God's love.
But before I begin, let me share a bit about the first half of 2017.
This year - the "year of the unknown," as I like to call it, has been incredibly challenging, but also incredibly fun (sounds like a paradox, haha). After I graduated from the University of Maryland, little did I know that I would be caught in this "in-between" stage of my life. As uncomfortable as this season has been at times, I know I am exactly where God wants me to be. When I began college at the University of Maryland, I imagined myself to be going straight from college to medical school, but as we can see right now - God had other plans for me. Though my life has not really gone the way I imagined it to be, I have have found over and over again that there is so much joy and freedom in submitting to God's will for my life. God's plans are so much higher and better than my plans. Even when I don't know what I need, He knows what I need exactly when I need it.
Despite wrestling through the challenges of this season, I have had incredible amounts of fun, basking in the simple things in life - doing things I've always wanted to do but never really had the time to do in college (going strawberry picking, spending time with my best friend & youth group kids, enjoying spring, taking senior portraits, spending more time lettering, etc.)!
If you haven't seen it yet, here's my sister's very cute vlog of the time we went strawberry picking:
After attending the Grace Retreat this year, I realized that God has given me a voice. God has called me to speak - to use this voice to speak what's on His heart. But I realized that I have been believing the enemy's lies that it would better for me to stay quiet. I have not blogged (or spoken) in a while, but I hope to intentionally make time to write and share the revelations God has given me the past few years in the months to come.
And so, let's dive into the story of Lazarus (John 11:1-44). Who is Lazarus? Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha, were very dear friends of Jesus. Knowing and believing that Jesus could do something, the sisters, out of faith, sent a word that Lazarus was sick. A word was sent to Jesus - "Lord, the one you love is sick." And seeing how this sickness lead to death later on in the story, Lazarus' sickness was a very urgent matter. What was Jesus' reaction? Let's look at verses 4-6.
When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, "Let us go back to Judea."
As we can see in the passage, the premise of the story begins with love. However, Jesus did the contrary to what you would expect someone to do once they hear their loved one is sick. When Mary and Martha brought this news to Jesus, they expected Jesus to rush to their home so that Lazarus could be healed. Instead, Jesus stayed where He was two more days. Logically, it didn't make sense. How could Jesus so confidently say "This sickness will not end in death. No it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it" yet they saw Lazarus pass away before their eyes? Was Jesus lying? Was He not powerful enough to heal Lazarus (is that why He didn't come)? Was He too busy for them? What was going on? Didn't Jesus know how much pain and suffering they were in? Did Jesus still love them? As Mary and Martha brought their request to Jesus, we bring our needs and requests before God because we know that He can do something. But how do we respond when Jesus does not respond the way we expect Him to? What is our reaction when He delays? Do we question his goodness? Do we question his love? As I mentioned earlier, the premise of the story is love. Though we will each walk through our own mountains and valleys (however shape or form they may be), we must remember that Jesus loves us. And He loves us deeply.
After a few days passed, Jesus told his disciples - "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him." Jesus knew that Lazarus was very ill. I wonder how difficult it was for Jesus to know all the pain Mary and Martha were in, yet to wait. Whatever you are waiting on God for - a full-time job, marriage, a child, healing, etc. Jesus knows. He knows. Yet, at times, He chooses to wait. I think this is a difficult concept to grasp. And this is what we find Martha asking Jesus. "Jesus, why did you wait? I know that if you came sooner, you could have healed Lazarus."
"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die" (John 11:21-26a).
Martha believed Jesus could and would resurrect Lazarus on the last day. When Jesus asked if she believed that He was the resurrection and the life, she said "Yes, Lord. I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world." But when Jesus visits Lazarus' tomb and asks to take away the stone from the tomb, what is Martha's response?
"But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." Then Jesus said ,"Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?"
Before rushing to the end of the story, I want to stop and ponder here for a moment. Just a few moments before, Jesus asks Martha if she believes that He is the resurrection and the life and she said "Yes, Lord." And I have no doubt that Martha really did believe Jesus could and would resurrect Lazarus on the last day. But Martha did not believe that He could raise Lazarus from the dead now. Though she had knowledge about the resurrection, she had yet to experience its power. And I believe that for this reasons, Jesus delayed his coming. Jesus wanted her to experience the fullness of his glory.
So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!"
And so, Lazarus came out of his tomb. As we can see here, death had no power over Jesus. And through His own death and resurrection, Jesus would defeat Satan once and for all on the cross. I believe that Jesus delayed his coming because He wanted to help connect Mary and Martha's faith - from simply knowing who Jesus was to fully experiencing him. I don't know what stage you are in life or what you are waiting on from God, but know this. God loves you so much. And because He loves you so much, He will do whatever is best for you. If needed, He will delay his coming because He wants you to experience the fullness of his power, love, and glory. Through this season of being in an "in-between" stage, I have come to know and understand that I am here because God wants me to experience the fullness of his power, love, and glory. And as I wait for the fullness of his glory to be revealed, I will continue to pray for all that God has promised to me because I know that He loves me deeply.
In order to fundraise for our youth summer Belize missions trip, our missions team decided to design and sell t-shirts. As a result, Rebekah and I collaborated and designed this year's t-shirt "Set Free."
The idea of the design was inspired from John 8:36 - "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." We believe that Jesus can and will set many people free from their bondage of sin. Jesus already defeated Satan on the cross. And as Jesus' disciples, we are fulfilling the Great Commission - to go out and make disciples of all nations.
The look book below was styled by Rebekah and this is her vision carried out. We really hope you enjoy the photos!
Two years ago, I started my journey in lettering/calligraphy. At first, it was a newfound hobby, but the more I delved into it, the more I began to love it. I had always been fascinated by pretty handwriting and fonts throughout my life, but I had no idea it would become the new trendy thing to do.
Though I love lettering, it does take a lot of time, energy, effort, and some $$ (which I don't think people realize, haha). I really struggled and thought about giving it up for a season or I don't know for how long because it takes a lot of my time. In the world's point of view, it doesn't seem as important as pursuing academics - grades, research, knowledge, etc.
As I headed into the youth winter retreat this past week, I was asking God to renew my passion and purpose for my life. As I was ready to give up on art, God gently reminded me of all the words that had been spoken over my life in middle and high school. Even though I did well in school in secondary education, as people prayed over me, it was never about my academics. Instead, they would ask me questions like - "do you paint?" and I would say "no, I don't paint, but I like to take pictures!" And it's funny how God works because now I love watercolor!
God reminded me that I was made in His image and therefore, I was made to create. It's been quite a journey navigating this part of my life as there isn't a clear-cut road. But I know this. There is a desire in me to design and create - to birth something beautiful and original, whether it's a space, painting, lettering, photography, etc. Creating is what makes me come alive and feel alive. It's certainly not easy to do in the midst of studying and everything else that happens in life, but when I reflect upon it, it's honestly what drives me to do everything else.
And so at the retreat, I invited God to join me on this journey of lettering. I'm not sure where He is taking me with photography, lettering, etc. but I hope that He will be glorified and that people who see my work will be encouraged and inspired to be who God created them to be.
We live in a world that is constantly shifting and changing. The world as we know of it today may not be the same tomorrow. I used to think that all things in life were concrete - that the roads and paths that I were to take in life were already set. But I am learning that as our world is constantly changing and shifting, I, too, am constantly changing, learning, and growing as well.
My heart longs to hold onto this world, but over the last few months, I have been reminded that this world is temporary. It's transient. It's fading away. We come into this world with nothing, and one day we will leave this world with nothing.
Even the greatest moments we experience and will experience in life are fleeting. But I believe these moments show us glimpses of the life that is to come. At times, I wish that I could stop time and just savor and hold onto a moment in time. But seasons come and seasons go. I can only hold seasons, people, opportunities, etc. with open hands, trusting in God's perfect plan for my life.
I came across this beautiful song titled "Seasons Change" by United Pursuit. The lyrics go "Though the seasons change // your love remains. // Your love remains." In life seasons change. Though my heart longs to hold onto these fleeting moments, I have been reminded to put my hope in Jesus. I've been reminded that God is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. Though all things will one day fade away, God's love - his words will remain forever.
I've come to the realization that more than all my pursuits - more than all my accomplishments, that I was made to love and respond to God's love. My chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. What a privilege it is to daily come before God - King of Kings, to experience the deepest of all relationships! One day we will stand before God himself without any barriers and we will live with him forever. He will wipe away every tear. All the pain and suffering that we endure for his Kingdom will be worth it all when we see him face to face.
C.S. Lewis once wrote "The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can't supply is proof that Heaven must be our home."
Yes, I want to experience the fullness of what God has for me in this life and fully enjoy each season, but let us not forget that we were made for another world.
As the new year begins, God has been pressing on my heart to lean into Him and to pray - to ask Him to come and move and to do only what He can do.
It seems that wherever I turn and where I look, I've been reminded to pray. I wanted to share a few resources and how I've been reminded to pray these past couple of days!
Earlier this week, I came across this article about Hannah's honest, desperate prayer before God for a son. Although I recommend reading the whole thing since it's not that long, here are the words that resonated with me the most!
"Her unique prayer became the channel that God both prompted and then used to turn the tide in Israel and bring much-needed blessing upon them...We must not silently accept our lack of fruitfulness and somehow justify it was God's will for us." Wow. Often times, I accept situations as they are, but what if it's God's invitation to join Him in his work?
I also listened to Pastor Matt Chandler's message titled "A Call to Prayer" where he urges his congregation to pray and he talks about three reasons why, as Christians, we fail to pray consistently.
This past Sunday, our church had a message on Luke 6:12-36 and here's my testimony based on the passage.
Luke 6:12-13 says "One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles."
When I read these verses, I'm amazed because Jesus, who was fully God (as well as fully man), saw the need to pray. And to pray not only for 5 minutes, 1 hour, or just several hours, but the whole night. As the new year began, God has been pressing on my heart to pray. One line from m. Tunde's message has really stuck with me - "what we can do in five years, God can do in five seconds." I'm realizing that moreso than ever before, I can't do what God has called me to do on my own. Studying for the MCAT and applying for medical school is challenging in every way. I can't do it all on my own strength but I believe that God will make a way when I pray and ask Him to move. I was thinking back to spiritual victories I've experienced in the past and I realized the underlying theme of all of them was prayer. When I humbled myself and cried out to God in desperation, He answered. Yet, how often do I choose to depend on myself - my knowledge, understanding, wisdom, etc. My goal this year has been to attend prayer meeting and to really pray (although I haven't been able to make it every day so far). I've seen God move and answer my prayer in the past and I am confident He can and will do it again because He is Good and faithful.
Overall, I've just been reminded of the power of prayer. Rather than resorting to it as our last resort, let it be the first thing we do. Only God can accomplish the God-sized dreams and plans he has for our lives. Let's choose to "begin the battle on our knees" (Priscilla Shirer).
Before reading any further, listen to this song below. :)
You didn't really have to listen to the song, but I think it's a really fun song to listen to!
I really like the chorus of the song.
"Beautiful surrender is where I wanna be
locked into your arms for all eternity
come and take my hand you can lead me where you please
that beautiful surrender is chasing after me."
As I step back in reflection of my life, I see God's hand over every season of my life from when I was born until now - guiding me, leading me - whether I knew it in those moments or not. Twenty-one has been one eventful year! I titled this post "Beautiful Surrender" because these two words sum up this year very well. This year God has been asking me to trust him through disappointments and when circumstances didn't make sense logically (when the circumstances didn't seem to align with what I believe God spoke and promised over my life but this is what faith is!). Even though the results I had been looking for didn't meet my expectations in various areas in life, as I surrendered and stepped back, I realized that God is working in the details. Even when I cannot see with my eyes what God is doing, He's working and He's doing something greater and better than I know. And so, in this season, God has been asking me to surrender. I suppose when we think about the word "surrender" it feels like it's the last resort. In a war, people will fight for their nation as long as they can stand before surrendering. But the type of surrender God was asking from me wasn't forceful but so gentle. He was asking me to surrender every part of my life, to trust in his perfect timing - to surrender my desires, wants, and plans of what I thought life was supposed to look like. Because it's only when I surrender my own desires and wants, He can fill me. It's only in full surrender that He can take me further than I thought I could go. It's only when I surrender, He can mold me and use me according to His plans and not mine.
And so, I'll be turning twenty-two tomorrow. I have no idea what life is going to look like after I graduate, but I will be faithful to what God places in front of me and loving the people around me, trusting that I'm exactly where He wants me to be. Exciteeeeed for what God has in store!!
I am thankful for the cross. I am so thankful for Jesus, who chose to die on the cross for me. In Him I have new life. I’ve seen the transforming power of the gospel. I’ve seen it in my life and in the lives around me.
I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit. He continues to guide me every day.
I am so thankful for my family. I am thankful for my dad for working so hard to provide for our family. I have learned so much by observing him throughout my life. He is kind, compassionate, and so patient with me. He is a man of integrity. I am thankful for my mom, who continually prays for me at early morning prayer meetings and cooks for us. She sincerely loves those around her and continues to give to those around her. I’m so thankful that my parents choose to support me as I pursue medicine as well as the arts. I am thankful for my sister, Rebekah, who never fails to make me laugh. I’m thankful to have seen her grow in the Lord and in faith this past year through attending Grace Retreat and the missions trip over the summer. She brings so much joy to our family.
I am thankful for the youth group leaders. It is such a privilege and honors to serve alongside Augustine, Sarah, and Caleb. To see them continually give their time, money, and energy to love the youth encourages me to continue to do the same.
I am thankful for my fellowship and our fellowship Friday Bible studies – esp. for Friday dinners! It’s one less thing I have to think about on Fridays.
I am thankful for all the girls that I have met and gotten to get to know deeper this year – Jenny, Hannah Chow, Rachel, and Mary. It’s been so encouraging to meet up with each one of them and share what God has been doing in our lives.
I am thankful for this past summer. It was challenging, but it was also sweet. I lead a small group for the first time at Grace Retreat, went on missions with the youth group, took the MCAT (though it did not go so well the first time). Through spending 2 weeks with the youth, I got to get to know each one of them– their quirks and personalities.
I am so thankful for the new photography opportunities I had this past semester. I was able to photograph more portraits and families in the fall. I really enjoyed it!
I am thankful for the beautiful fall season. I enjoyed watching all the leaves change color around the neighborhood and on campus.
I am also thankful for this season in life. Looking back at the past 3 ½ years of undergrad, I don’t know how I got through each semester, but I am so thankful for how God has lead me through it all. It has certainly not been easy and the road to becoming a doctor is not an easy one, but I’ve seen God’s faithfulness over and over throughout my undergrad years. And I am confident that he will be faithful in the coming years.
I am thankful for all the professors and friends that I met at the University of Maryland.
I’m also thankful for all the resources I have at UMCP. I’m really going to miss going to the gym! Also access to creative cloud (Photoshop, Lightroom, Illustrator, etc.) has helped me grow as a creative the last few years. It’s almost two years since I started lettering and it’s been such a fun journey!
I am thankful for the opportunity that I had to attend the Chasing Light Workshop over the summer. I learned so much from Ann and it’s been amazing to see the photographers that I met improve.
I am thankful for my car that faithfully takes me to school every day.
I am thankful for my friends who continually encourage and pray for me through the difficult times this year. I have the best friends!
I am thankful for the youth group media team. Though we have not met as often this year, I am proud of the ways each person has grown!
This semester I am very thankful for Tuesdays. Tuesdays have been my favorite days (yes, more than the weekends!) because it’s my day “off”. I still have a lot of work to get done, but I can choose to do work wherever I want. Sometimes it’s a coffee shop. Sometimes it’s school. Sometimes it’s at home, but it’s still really nice to have flexibility.
I’m thankful for Dr. John Lee for allowing me to shadow him a couple of times this semester. I always learn so much – things I could never learn from textbooks.
I am thankful for the random jobs that I have had throughout my undergrad years. I have been leading Guided Study Sessions for the last 5 semesters (4 semesters for genetics). I’ve learned to facilitate discussions and to create a learning environment. When I look back, I’ve learned so much from leading GSS the last 5 semesters. I’ve grown in confidence. I’ve met some really cool people from various backgrounds. Some of them have even gone and become GSS leaders themselves! I became more comfortable speaking in front of a group of people – something I would have never imagined I would choose to do in high school.
I am thankful that God is the best teacher. He never expects me to leap from step 1 to step 10. He takes me step by step in life. Sometimes this requires me to be more patient and wait for his timing, but He knows me the best!
A few days ago I asked God - "God, what are you teaching me right now?" And I felt like his response was to embrace this season. And so, I am learning to "fall" in love with this season in life (pun intended, hehe) - the beautiful view, the leaves that are changing colors, the quality time I get to spend at coffee shops with my friends, the classmates I get to meet and get to know, studying, etc. I want to look back at this part of my life and say "I lived this season well." Because no matter what I see in front of me, I know God is orchestrating all the details of my life and all I need to do is fully trust Him. I don't want the hardships to mark this season in my life. When I look back at this season, I want to share the breakthroughs that I experienced that reveal God's character - His goodness, kindness, love, etc.
Recently Chip and Joanna Gaines released their new book "The Magnolia Story". The book begins from how they initially met, to how they landed the "Fixer Upper" on HGTV, and to how God lead them to where they are now. I love their story. I love the beautiful work that they do. I love their authenticity, integrity, and how they interact with each other. But what I love the most about their story (and book) is how they continually point others to God. Despite their fame and new platform, they are not afraid to declare God's goodness in their life. There are testimonies after testimonies of breakthroughs they experienced in their journey sprinkled throughout the book.
After I finished reading the book yesterday, one particular part near the end of the book really stuck out to me. Here's the excerpt (sorry for the spoiler!):
“It was in the middle of all that struggle I found my true inspiration as a designer - the very thing that so many people seem to be drawn to now that I’ve received this opportunity to share my work with the world.
I always thought that the ‘thriving’ would come when everything was perfect, and what I learned is that it’s actually down in the mess that things get good.
It was such a blessing to find myself thriving in the middle of the pain. Unless you find a way to do that, there’s always going to be this fake illusion that once you get there - wherever ‘there’ is for you — you’ll be happy. But that’s just not life. If you can’t find happiness in the ugliness, you’re not going to find it in the beauty, either.” (Joanna Gaines)
I hope it still makes some sense without all the background information about their lives! But the part that stood out to me was - "I always thought that the ‘thriving’ would come when everything was perfect, and what I learned is that it’s actually down in the mess that things get good." They experienced some crazy financial situations where they could have probably gone bankrupt, but in the midst of it, were able to hope. And then they experienced one of the greatest breakthroughs in their career soon after. In the same way, I want to learn how to thrive in the pain as well in the blessings. I've been thinking about what really matters in life. Yes, school is important and work is important. But I realized that at the end of the day and at the end of my life, people matter. Relationships matter. People's souls matter. At the end of my life, the question that will matter the most is - did I love well? I'm learning that it's one thing to know and it's another thing to experience. It's one thing to know that we must love one another. It's another thing to go do it. Jesus would go out of his way to meet just one person - to offer them hope, to offer them eternal life. Lately it's been busy and hard and so it's been tempting to shy away from responsibilities. But God has been reminding me that He can still use me in my weakness and in what I feel like are my inadequacies. And He will use me. Right now it feels like my response to Jesus is similar to Peter's in Luke 5:5 - "because you say so, I will let down the nets." Because Jesus says so, I will be diligent and finish my undergrad years strong.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I don't quite understand how God works. But it's okay.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9).
A few days ago, I told my sister - "I feel like God is refining me this season." He's refining my character. He's refining my trust in Him. He's refining my desires. It has been hard. It has been really really hard for me the last couple of months. But I know God's teaching me something greater than what I can comprehend and see right now. I'm learning more than ever that God is sovereign. God's got everything in control. What I want sometimes isn't what I need. But God is good and he knows what I need. He knows the best for me and He's more concerned with building my character.
Last Sunday I gave the youth group message on Matthew 4. The main three points of my message were:
God's word is true.
God's word is powerful.
God's word never fails.
Oh, it's one thing to know in my mind, but another to experience it in my life. I took the MCAT on August 20th and I received my score yesterday. I did not do well. This is not like "oh you probably did okay but you're saying you didn't do well". No, it was really bad, haha. No one should be applying to medical school with this score, haha. If this was three years ago, it probably would have crushed me. Then, my identity and worth were so intertwined with my performance. But through all this, I see how far God has brought me. And honestly, I guess I underestimated how hard the MCAT is and inadequately studied for it (I thought I could do it in 3 weeks...). It's humbling. Although it was honestly soo disappointing (there were many tears), I know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him. And I found greater peace and joy in Him. I can't do anything about it right now, so I am enjoying my last semester as an undergrad. Right now life is busy, yet simple. I have quiet time, go to lectures, do homework, teach genetics, study, go to the gym, go to lab, etc. Although I don't quite understand what God is doing in my heart and in my life, I am clinging onto His word. God is good. All the time. God is sovereign. I believe He has the best in store for me.
Even though I didn't do well on the MCAT this first time around, I wouldn't trade the experiences from this summer for a better MCAT score. God took me deeper in my faith and I saw young ones experience God like never before. It was so worth it.
I know He's writing a story better and greater than I can imagine. God's got this. God's got me in His hands.
I've been wanting to write this post for a while, but I haven't gotten around to it until now. Let's take a look inside my pencil pouch! Pictured below is my pencil pouch (or I suppose a pen pouch since I only carry pens now?) that I take to school.
Thanks Joe for the gift from Korea!
I got these when I went to Korea three years ago. I don't use them often, but I like them have them in case I need to differentiate notes in class - esp when we're superimposing lines on one graph in class).
InkJoys! These came from a package that my mom got from Costco. I also really like these for writing in my personal notebook. I don't really use them for school since I write only in black ink.
My Lamy fountain pens! The left was a birthday present from Helena and right was a birthday present from Andrew. The left one has a thicker nib and it's nice for writing people's names on envelopes while the one on the right is more for normal writing. The only downside is that you have to refill the ink pretty often. I used to write with them more often, but now not as much.
A closer look at the nibs. :) A cool thing is that you could also purchase new nibs and switch them out!
Jetstream pens! For the last two years, this has been my go-to note-writing pens. The first time I used it was when someone from Korea gave it to my sister as present. But she didn't really care or want it and then I ended up using it, haha. I have a blue one and a black one, but I find myself using the black one far more than the blue one. Over the semesters I realized I don't like referring back to my notes when they're in blue... Jetstream pens have been my favorite pens for the last two years. :)
A closer look at them.
My brush pens! I recently got the brush pen on the top. It's a lot more inkier than the tombow one (bottom pen). I was first introduced to the tombow brush pen when Sarah gave me a set for my birthday. They're super easy to carry around and they allow you to have variations in stroke thickness (great for lettering on the go)! There are two versions of the tombow pen. I have a gray one, that's a lot softer in feel when you write, but I prefer the blue one. I feel like you have more control in writing with the blue one.
Dun dun dun...I saved the best one for last. Hannah got me this muji pen as a gift when she came back from NYC and it's been my favorite pen ever since. And now I can't go back to any other pens... It feels more like a gel pen than a ballpoint pen, but it feels great writing with them!
There are a lot of other pens that I use for typography and lettering, but these are the pens that I carry to school on a daily basis! Thanks for reading. :)
I've been meaning to write "Come Alive Part II" for a while (since Part I), but things have gotten in the way, so here we go (it's been a while since Grace Retreat and so I will be relying on my notes...should have written this sooner): The Great Cover Up
I attended a seminar with my small group titled "The Great Cover Up" by Pastor Stephen Chandler.
The majority of the seminar was based on Exodus 34:29-35:
"29 When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the covenant law in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord.30 When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him.31 But Moses called to them; so Aaron and all the leaders of the community came back to him, and he spoke to them.32 Afterward all the Israelites came near him, and he gave them all the commands the Lord had given him on Mount Sinai.33 When Moses finished speaking to them, he put a veil over his face.34 But whenever he entered the Lord’s presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded,35 they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the Lord."
Pastor Stephen spoke how when Moses came down the mountain, he covered up the goodness of God by putting a veil on his face. Why did Moses need the veil? I never thought about it before, but Pastor Stephen mentioned that the veil covered God's glory. The people already saw that Moses' face was radiant. So it wasn't because people couldn't look at his radiant face. Then why did Moses put a veil over his face? He didn't want people to see the glory diminishing from his face day after day, and week after week. I thought this was an interesting point. Sometimes, we too, cover up because we don't want people to see us not be perfect, but we reflect, not project. We reflect the grace of God. Even in our imperfections, we point others to God, and our goal is to glorify God. "When you are not concerned about people's opinions - that's when you can encourage others that he too can use them." A final point that Pastor Stephen made was that Moses didn't have the Holy Spirit in his life, which is why his radiance continue to diminish. However, we have the Holy Spirit living in us and the Holy Spirit fills us every day.
--
By failing to share what God has done in my life or even leaving out parts of my testimony, I realized that I too, can cover up God's glory in my life.
And sooo I felt really convicted to share my prom story (the full story). Even though prom was awkward (because I was awkward, haha) and I feel really bad about it because I was such a bad date, through it all, I saw how God really cares about me and even the details of my life. Throughout senior year, I was not really planning on going to prom. But then one by one, my friends decided to go (with a date) and then kept asking me if I was going to go. Although, while looking back, I wish I just went with my girlfriends (or even by myself), I didn't want to go to prom without a date if all my friends had dates. I clearly remember writing in my journal with like one month left of school - just as thoughts, not particularly as a "this is my prayer to God" but just me, laying down my thoughts before God. I had 3 things I wanted. 1) I wanted the guy to pay for my ticket 2) I wanted roses 3) I wanted to go to prom without "strings attached". What does this even mean? From observing people, I saw that a lot of couples started dating before or after prom. And I thought it was all just meaningless because they would break up right after graduation or right before college (also I promised God I wouldn't date in high school). I didn't want to lead anyone on or have this lead to anything so I wanted to go to prom without "strings attached."
I remember having a feeling one morning that something was going to happen that day, but I didn't really know what. Then a guy, out of nowhere, asked me if I wanted to go to prom and gave me a bouquet of roses (they were pretty nice, haha). He offered to pay for my ticket, but my parents said no. And I really went without any "strings attached" because I didn't really talk to him again after prom. Because we weren't really good friends beforehand, prom was so awkward. I didn't know what prom etiquettes were. My parents didn't know what prom was and as a firstborn, it was all a learning experience for me. I don't really like to talk about it because it was so embarrassing, but through it all, I saw God's love for me. Even though He knew how everything would turn out, He still answered the desires of my heart because He cared.
--
I also recently listened to this message titled "Prayer as a Way of Walking in Love" by Francis Chan. While listening to how God answered his prayers, I was also reminded by all the ways God answered my prayers throughout my life. It also challenged me to keep praying.
In our church's "Rooted Part I" video, I remember we asked the missionaries if they could go back, what would be the one thing they would change. I remember M. Rebekah and Luke both said - "pray more." I don't know why but it really stuck with me. If people who are in their 60s, nearing 70s wish they could have prayed more, it must be really important. How often do I go about my day, not asking God to be with me? How often do I go about my day not even thinking about him because I'm running from one thing to the next? Why do I think I can do more without asking for His help? Instead of getting more done, I end up being burnt out, exhausted, and tired. Even though this semester will be really busy. I can already see it, haha. I want to intentionally make time in the morning to really lay down all things before God - and to just spend that time with Him. Because it's the best place to be! Also this school year, I want to pray for God to move in our youth group - and I hope to esp. pray for my class.
During youth group, we shared our missions testimonies today. I wanted to share mine on the blog so here it is! Instead of documenting on everything, I focused on one event that meant a lot to me. Also we will be posting everyone's testimonies on the missions blog so look out for those in the near future! -- Before
we left for missions, I had several prayer topics.
I prayed that God would
financially provide 100% of the trip.
That we would have unity in within
our mission team and with the whole Joshua Generation mission team as
well.
I wanted the Holy Spirit to come
and encounter each of our team members. I wanted to see lives transformed
- lives of our youth group members, the JG team, and the people we met on
the streets. I wanted breakthroughs for our team.
My health. Whenever I am
exhausted, tired, and weak, I can get really sick. So I asked people to
pray for my health while we were away.
Although I was praying and I even asked people
to pray for me and the missions team - a part of me questioned whether I was
just saying words out of my mouth or would God really answer each one of my
prayer topics? But throughout the two weeks while we were training in
Pittsburgh and while we were in outreach in Boston, I saw God answer each one
of these prayer topics one by one. For my first prayer topic - financial
provision, I saw God open up people’s heart to really give and not only did he
provide 100% of the cost of the trip, he provided even more! Thank you God!
The first week was intense training from Sunday
to Friday at the YWAM Pittsburgh base (with the exception of the fun day on
Wednesday when we went to a water park). There were many teachings as well as
breakthroughs each day. As a leader, but not a YWAM leader, Augustine and I
didn’t have distinctive roles in the beginning of the trip. This is what I
wrote in my journal - “I think I’ve had moments yesterday where I was like -
‘what am I doing here? We should have just sent them by themselves - but no,
God you have called Aug and me to be here for a reason. Jesus, I pray for
‘marching order.’ Who can I pray for? What should I say?” From then on, I felt
a burden to pray for specific people each day. Although I felt really really
burdened, I also experienced the most joy when I was able to pray for them and
saw God just lift things off their hearts and shoulders.
One morning, the Joshua Generation head leader,
Doug spoke on trusting in God. I don’t remember the specifics, but he shared
the video of Jay Wright in the championship game. Even though there were only
three seconds in the game, he had faith that once the ball was in the hands of
his players they were going to shoot and win the game. Out of all the
teachings, this really stuck with me. Doug said God will continue to reveal
more and more to you as you go deeper in your relationship with God. I also
want to be so close to God and be in a place where I trust Him so much that
whatever He tells me is not crazily radical (though to others it may seem so).
I want to be so confident in His love and as a daughter. It is not my role to
perform, but to know my Father’s heart and to say “yes” to what He asks of me -
not out of obligation, but out of my love for Him. After hearing this, my role
during the trip was to know my Father’s heart by listening to Him and to go out
in obedience. On day four of our mission trip, I felt really burdened and
discouraged throughout the day. Although I felt so discouraged and burdened, I
realized that this is not how I usually feel. Then it occurred to me that
earlier in the day, I asked God to give me His heart. And God feels the burden
and pain we feel as His own. Then I realized that the burdens (or whatever I
was feeling) was not my own, but it was because God wanted to lift it up from
the people feeling them. God already sent Jesus to die on the cross and Jesus
already resurrected so that we don’t have to carry the burdens of our shame and
guilt anymore. I felt that God wanted me to go up and speak out of obedience
and said - “I feel like there are people here today that feel like they are
carrying a lot of burdens. God wants to lift them up today. So if you feel like
this, come up and the staff will pray for you.” At first there was an awkward pause,
but afterward, at least six of the youth stepped up and then the Holy Spirit
came and moved in amazing ways. It was amazing. As I saw the youth encounter
God like never before, I heard God speak these words to my heart - “Grace, I
always show up.” I don’t know why I doubt or doubted that God was going to show
up because He always shows up when we step out in obedience. God doesn’t
have a list of qualifications that I must meet before He can use me. Rather He
just requires my full obedience. Sometimes God will ask us to do things that
doesn’t make sense. But when we obey, He will show up - not because of anything
we did, but because it’s His nature. Whenever He shows up everything changes.
Through this mission trip, God opened my eyes once again to see that yes, God
is the God who answers our prayers. He has the best in store for me - and when
I can come to Him in prayer, I come with faith and confidence that He hears my
prayers and is faithful.
There’s a lot more that God taught me and
revealed to me during the two weeks, but this was the biggest breakthrough I
personally experienced during the trip. Through this, I was really encouraged and challenged to
continue to pray with expectation for the youth group and my friends. Please
pray for me as I continue to study for my MCAT on Aug 20th!
