Come Alive Part I

The last three weeks have been incredible. Tiring, exhausting, and challenging, but incredible. God has been doing so much in my heart that there is so much to share that I'm not sure how long it will take. But at the same time, since so much has happened, I keep pushing it back, saying that I'll write about everything "later." But I know that if I keep pushing it back, it will become too burdensome to write about everything at once and it'll be on the back of my mind for months. I most likely won't get through everything in this blog post, but I will keep writing and sharing what God has done in my life the last three weeks (and even before) because my story is a testimony of God's goodness.

Renewed Passion

From June 26th - 29th, I attended the Grace Retreat for the first time as a small group leader. It was such an honor to meet and get to know my small group - Ashley, Sarah, Esther, Minha, and Emily even if was only for four days. The theme of the retreat was "Come Alive," calling the youth to come alive - to take ownership of their generation to know and serve God. Before the retreat, I had been asking God for a sense of direction - a purpose after graduating college. Should I try to scribe or should I TA? Should I volunteer? Should I pursue photography? Should I do something abroad? Should I keep serving the youth? Should I do more for the college ministry? I still don't know the answers to these questions, but I know that God will continue to unfold the plans he has for my life. Serving the youth group for the last two years has been a joy to me. It's where I learned to love and to joyfully serve with all my heart. It's my joy and delight to see them grow in their faith and choose to follow Jesus with all their heart despite what their culture dictates. But at the same time, it's a lot of work and I can't plan to do much on the weekends. It can easily become routine and it can get tiring week after week. It's where I struggle the most because sometimes I don't know if I'm making a difference or if I'm doing enough. Sometimes I don't know whether I should rebuke or encourage them. I don't know if they'll realize how much we plan for just a Saturday meeting or how much we care for them (even now, I don't think I'll ever know how much Aug, Sarah, Paul, and Belssi did for us when I was in youth group). But I know this: God has called me to love on them and to pray for them (even when they're hard to love because it's God's kindness that leads us to repentance). At Grace Retreat, God really renewed my passion for loving the youth. As each speaker spoke, my heart was like "yes, yes, yessss!" He's calling forth a new generation of believers that will stand up for their faith and that will make Jesus known in their middle and high schools. They're going to do even more than I ever did in high school. They're going to be on fire. I believe that my role right now is to pray for them, empower them, and mentor them to equip them for what God has in store for their lives.

"You're a good banana."

At Grace Retreat, Lana shared a story about how once she was speaking in South America (I forget the country) but God told her to say - "You're a good banana." She had no idea what the phrase meant or how it would impact the people there, but when she spoke it, it really touched the people's lives. Apparently, they package chiquita bananas there and only the "good bananas" get exported to another country and the bad bananas get fed to the pigs. So she was essentially telling them - "you are good enough." It's been a while since I thought about my identity. I know who I am (or I thought I knew who I am, haha). But God has been taking me further in knowing who I am. I was made for a purpose. I was fearfully and wonderfully made. He made me the way I am because He has a plan for me. If you don't already know, I'm kind of weird, haha. But he made me this way. I love the sciences, but at the same time I love the arts. In college, I found it difficult to find people like me. And recently I realized that I can be really particular at times, haha (and a perfectionist). But it's okay! He made me this way. I also get words of knowledge about situations and people at times but I haven't been good at sharing them. I usually know when someone is not doing well spiritually (even if they tell me they're "good") so it's better not to lie to me, haha. And I usually keep them to myself, but God has been really tugging at my heart to share what He has told me and what He has done in my life. When I don't share what God has done, I am taking away the glory that is His. I also felt that before going to Grace Retreat, God was telling me - "Grace, I'm giving you a new voice." At Grace Retreat Pastor Chris Pautrat asked people who God was calling them to preach to stand up. In my senior year in high school, I had a dream that I was speaking in front of people. But at that time, I really couldn't imagine myself speaking in front of people. But then two years later, I gave my first message to the youth group. It was hard standing in front of people and sharing my heart. I struggled to find my voice. There are charismatic speakers, funny speakers, and etc. I struggled to speak boldly even if I prepared a lot for it. But God has been really convicting me that He created me to speak just the way I am. He doesn't want me to try to be like another speaker. He has shared with me what's on His heart and He has given me a voice to share it. As a daughter, it's my role to share what's on my Father's heart. I am not speaking to perform, but to obey because I love my Father. And what I've been learning is that once I step out in obedience, God will take care of the rest. His presence will come and He will move. It's not what I do, but it's what He does. And when He shows up, everything changes.

Another thing I learned that is that when I share what God has done in my life, my victory will become other people's victories. So I hope that you find what I wrote to be encouraging and if you are convicted, claim it! Because it's not mean for me to keep everything to myself. God wants to come and move in your life as well!

last two weeks

So much has happened the last three weeks that I wanted to take time to recap with some pictures! Although it has been busy, it also has been really exciting and fun.

On May 7th I went to the Gaither Vocal Band Concert in Woodbridge, VA with ten other people. The Gaither Vocal Band was so good live and you could tell that they just had fun making music! The song that I really liked from the concert was "Do You Wanna Be Well" and "Sometimes it Takes a Mountain." The song is based on the story of the invalid man that's been sitting next to the fountain for 38 years. "But you gotta wanna be well, really wanna be well // Are you willing to take up your mat and help yourself? // Do you wanna be free, really wanna be free? // If you wanna be healed and whole, you gotta wanna be well." At times we may be stuck in times of self pity and despair. But no matter what you may be going through, Jesus has the power to heal. But before He can do so, you "gotta wanna be well." 

it wasn't always like this

My cute little sister chillin' on my bed doing her homework.

:)

If you happen to stop by at our house on a weekday evening, you would most likely find my sister, not in her room, but in my room (one of the smallest rooms in the house), sitting on my bed doing her homework. Why? After all these years, I don't know why she chooses my room over hers. I ask her every time, but I guess she must like me, haha. However, I wanted to write this blog post, because it wasn't always like this. I look at our sweet relationship and I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful that God mends broken relationships and He heals. Well, I'll start from the beginning. If you know my testimony, you know that when I was little, I prayed for a younger sibling (since I was the only child at that time). My mom told me that when I lived in Canada and saw other families with a lot of children, I really wanted a sibling. God heard my prayer and knew the desires of my heart and gave me Rebekah while we were living in Korea! I still remember the week when she was born. I was SO excited and visited the hospital after school every day (sometimes even on my own at the age of seven) to see my mom and my cute baby sister. We have a really big age gap so for the first half of Rebekah's life, I was more like a mother than a sister. Well, kind of in between. I didn't take care of her well as a mother would, but I did change her diaper and fed her rice, haha. Nowadays, she's taller than me (as she reminds me often) and I think people get surprised that we are seven years old apart when we seem so close. Because my dad went back to get a RN degree during my late elementary/middle school years, I had the responsibility of babysitting my sister during elementary and middle school years. Looking back, while other kids probably went outside and played, I spent a lot of my time indoors reading books and "babysitting." To be honest, I probably was not a great baby-sitter. When I started attending youth group in seventh grade, I noticed how different my responsibilities seemed to my friends. While they had siblings 2 years older (or siblings close to their age), I had a sister 7 years younger than me. Though my parents didn't say I had to, I had this sense of responsibility that I had to be home to babysit. And for a while, it felt like a burden. Whenever I would want to go to a event or somewhere, I would have to think of my sister and make sure she had a place to go or a babysitter (in case my parents were not at home). And somehow I think this lead to resentment. Even though people told me "oh Rebekah is so cute!"I honestly could not see it at that point. Now I look back at those pictures and she was really cute (look at the picture)!

Community Series Part 2

Community Series Part 2: We Need Each Other

I saw several people share this (the photo above) on my facebook the other day. At first glance, I thought it was cute and then dismissed it. But the longer I stared at the photo, I began to understand the true meaning. Above, you will see three people walking through life (literally walking, haha). As each person walks, there's a chasm he or she must get through. Someone walking alone will have a difficult time getting over the chasm. A person walking alone could try to leap across, invent a gadget, etc. to get to the other side. However, because they are holding each other up, each person is able to get through life. There's a t-shirt that has a stick figure kneeling in prayer that says - "someone's praying me through." When I first saw this t-shirt, I remember thinking it was kind of weird because I didn't understand the meaning. But I realized that everyone has highs in life as well as lows. There will be times when I may fall or go through a difficult season. This is when I need people to pray for me. But when I am doing well, I need to spend time to pray for my friends and those around me. As much as we would all like to always be strong, we will all eventually face a day when our strength fails us. Let's be a community that supports each other through the good times and bad. 

Community Series Part 1

God has placed on my heart to write about the topic of community for a while so this will be the beginning of the series titled "Community." For now, I am not completely sure which direction these following blog posts will go, but I hope to focus on different aspects of community, what it means to live in a community, and how God created us to be part of a community (in no particular order). I hope to pull information together from scripture, my experiences, and biology & psychology (but mainly scripture).

Looking back in my life, I am so thankful to have grown up in a loving community of believers - with a group of diverse group of people with many differences, but with one thing in common - Jesus. Growing up, I always assumed that all church communities were like a family as our church is, but I realize now although we may be small in numbers, there's something special about here. Though we are imperfect people, we serve a perfect God who lavishly and unconditionally loves each person. It doesn't matter whether you are young or old - you belong. I love the African proverb - "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." because it portrays what community looks like, and what our community looks like. We rejoice together. We suffer together. We mourn together. We pray together. We do life together. We go together.

Spring Bible Conference Reflection

This was the testimony that I shared with my group at the conference!

“For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.” – 1 Corinthians 15:22

In 1 Corinthians 15:12-34, Paul dissects the arguments for and against the resurrection of the dead. He begins by asking the question - “But if it is preached that Christ has been raise from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead?” Why was the resurrection such a grave matter? Why was it so important for Paul to address this problem amongst people in the church? The resurrection of man (especially the resurrection of Jesus) was a theoretical debate amongst different sects of Jews. Even when Jesus was alive, the Sadducees did not believe in the resurrection of the death. However, Jesus’ resurrection is one of the fundamental beliefs of Christianity. What is the meaning of Jesus’ resurrection? As sin entered the world through Adam, the relationship between man and God was broken - not only for Adam and God, but for his descendant as well. God told Adam that if he ate fruit from the knowledge of good and evil that he would “surely die.” Yet, Satan tempted Adam and questioned if God really told them they will die, ultimately questioning the consequences of sin. In the same way, there are so many temptations and ways to sin in our world. College campuses are full of ways to indulge in our sinful desires – and Satan continues to lie – “did God really say you’re going to die?” We live in a really permissive culture. But while sinning can seem exciting, thrilling, and fulfilling at the moment, in the end, it truly only leads to death. The resurrection signifies Jesus’ power and reign. However, if there is no resurrection – and Jesus did not resurrect from the dead, sin and death continues to separate us from a relationship with God. Although the enemy continues to lie, we know that Jesus has already conquered death. As Philip Brown shared in his message (paraphrased) – if God has already taken care of my salvation, I can entrust him to take care of the little details of my life. Having a relationship with God is far better and greater than any pleasures this world can give me. “For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.” God sent Jesus not to make bad people good, but to make dead people alive. As a result, as Paul told the Corinthian church, in order to rid myself of anything that separates me from God, I must “stop sinning” and continually repent. I pray that as a church, that we may look to the cross, stop sinning, and find our fulfillment and satisfaction in Jesus.

--

I was really blessed this conference listening to all the messenger and testimony speakers. It was really refreshing! During praise night, I was just reminded that God has and will always be with me whatever I face in life. One word I received from God was the theme over my life - "grace over grace." I have seen his grace over and over in my life in the past and I believe that I will continue to see his grace this semester, next semester, and in the years to come. I'm also super proud of the youth group for the video they produced and can't wait to see where God takes us next!

The Limitless God

"I can't."

I realized that although I may not verbally communicate these two words with others, this belief can (sometimes) be found in my language, actions, and reactions.

There was a study done by Carol Dweck on mindsets - growth mindset versus fixed mindsets. Many people have fixed mindsets - meaning they believe that they are born with a set amount of intelligence and no matter what they do or how hard they try, it's not going to change. However, people with growth mindset believe that their intelligence keeps growing as they struggle and persevere through difficulties (as their neurons keep making more connections). I find her study to be super interesting! Lately, I've been reflecting on my life and I do see the times that I struggled, grew, and learned, but at the same time, I see the times that I limited myself and said "oh, I can't do that," "that's too hard," etc. (things along these lines) or thinking that other people were just smarter than me. Whenever I thought I couldn't do something, I would give up even before I tried harder to learn or improve. Or if I did try, I would try, but give up once things became difficult. But whenever I believed that I could eventually do it or just wanted to learn, no matter how hard it was, I would keep trying to learn and persevere. There's a stark contrast!

Looking back at these short twenty-one years of my life, God has lead me to places I've never imagined that I would ever go to and do things that I would have never imagined myself doing (going to Mexico and Uganda, taking family photos, giving messages, etc). I realized that when we place limits on ourselves and others, we may hinder their growth from becoming who God created them to be. At the same time, there are times you have to give up dreaming hopelessly about something that is not going to happen (but that is up to your discernment). So if you want to do something and learn something new, why not? I suppose because it takes effort, perseverance, motivation, and most importantly, a willingness to learn. I think we often see the polished version of others' success and we don't see the grind and all the hard work behind everything they've done. But really, if you want to learn, why not? I've been studying wedding photographers - and I wonder why some businesses keep growing while others plateau and kind of dwindle away. I realized that people who are successful are always willing to improve, and learn (from mistakes and from others). If something doesn't work, they don't keep doing it. They are willing try new things and if it works better, they adopt it as part of their business and workflow. However, there are photographers who are stuck in their ways and they don't seek to improve. They settle. They don't seek to keep learning.

So lately I've been learning that God is not the God of limits. Pause and just think about this: he created us for eternity. How crazy is that in itself? But whenever we face difficulties and struggles, we believe Satan's lies that we can't, that we're not good enough, or that we're not capable, and we give up. Let's dream big. Let's have a vision for our future and for each other. Let's persevere. As we persevere and push for more, there will be breakthroughs. As Christians, we reflect and glorify God. Whatever you do - be the best version of yourself. Be humble. Be willing to learn from your mistakes and from others. However, I believe there's a point where we have to lay down everything down before God - the good and the bad - all of our fears and dreams. Sometimes we have to fully surrender our dreams to God and let them die, but God can bring the dead to life. When he does bring the dream back and bring forth the dream to life, it will be even more beautiful than we imagined them to be.

Here's a super encouraging video that I recommend watching:
https://www.facebook.com/jeremycowart/videos/10153274835971260/

"I can do all things through Christ"