The Fullness of His Glory

Ever since studying the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead at our church's annual Spring Bible Conference, God has really placed this passage in my heart. I haven't written in a while so it feels a bit strange to be back at it again, but my hope is that you can leave this post having a deeper understanding of the passage and of the Father God's love.

But before I begin, let me share a bit about the first half of 2017.

This year - the "year of the unknown," as I like to call it, has been incredibly challenging, but also incredibly fun (sounds like a paradox, haha). After I graduated from the University of Maryland, little did I know that I would be caught in this "in-between" stage of my life. As uncomfortable as this season has been at times, I know I am exactly where God wants me to be. When I began college at the University of Maryland, I imagined myself to be going straight from college to medical school, but as we can see right now - God had other plans for me. Though my life has not really gone the way I imagined it to be, I have have found over and over again that there is so much joy and freedom in submitting to God's will for my life. God's plans are so much higher and better than my plans. Even when I don't know what I need, He knows what I need exactly when I need it.

Despite wrestling through the challenges of this season, I have had incredible amounts of fun, basking in the simple things in life - doing things I've always wanted to do but never really had the time to do in college (going strawberry picking, spending time with my best friend & youth group kids, enjoying spring, taking senior portraits, spending more time lettering, etc.)!

If you haven't seen it yet, here's my sister's very cute vlog of the time we went strawberry picking:

After attending the Grace Retreat this year, I realized that God has given me a voice. God has called me to speak - to use this voice to speak what's on His heart. But I realized that I have been believing the enemy's lies that it would better for me to stay quiet. I have not blogged (or spoken) in a while, but I hope to intentionally make time to write and share the revelations God has given me the past few years in the months to come.

And so, let's dive into the story of Lazarus (John 11:1-44). Who is Lazarus? Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha, were very dear friends of Jesus. Knowing and believing that Jesus could do something, the sisters, out of faith, sent a word that Lazarus was sick. A word was sent to Jesus - "Lord, the one you love is sick." And seeing how this sickness lead to death later on in the story, Lazarus' sickness was a very urgent matter. What was Jesus' reaction? Let's look at verses 4-6.

When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, "Let us go back to Judea."

As we can see in the passage, the premise of the story begins with love. However, Jesus did the contrary to what you would expect someone to do once they hear their loved one is sick. When Mary and Martha brought this news to Jesus, they expected Jesus to rush to their home so that Lazarus could be healed. Instead, Jesus stayed where He was two more days. Logically, it didn't make sense. How could Jesus so confidently say "This sickness will not end in death. No it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it" yet they saw Lazarus pass away before their eyes? Was Jesus lying? Was He not powerful enough to heal Lazarus (is that why He didn't come)? Was He too busy for them? What was going on? Didn't Jesus know how much pain and suffering they were in? Did Jesus still love them? As Mary and Martha brought their request to Jesus, we bring our needs and requests before God because we know that He can do something. But how do we respond when Jesus does not respond the way we expect Him to? What is our reaction when He delays? Do we question his goodness? Do we question his love? As I mentioned earlier, the premise of the story is love. Though we will each walk through our own mountains and valleys (however shape or form they may be), we must remember that Jesus loves us. And He loves us deeply.

After a few days passed, Jesus told his disciples - "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him." Jesus knew that Lazarus was very ill. I wonder how difficult it was for Jesus to know all the pain Mary and Martha were in,  yet to wait. Whatever you are waiting on God for - a full-time job, marriage, a child, healing, etc. Jesus knows. He knows. Yet, at times, He chooses to wait. I think this is a difficult concept to grasp. And this is what we find Martha asking Jesus. "Jesus, why did you wait? I know that if you came sooner, you could have healed Lazarus."

"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die" (John 11:21-26a).

Martha believed Jesus could and would resurrect Lazarus on the last day. When Jesus asked if she believed that He was the resurrection and the life, she said "Yes, Lord. I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world." But when Jesus visits Lazarus' tomb and asks to take away the stone from the tomb, what is Martha's response?

"But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." Then Jesus said ,"Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?"

Before rushing to the end of the story, I want to stop and ponder here for a moment. Just a few moments before, Jesus asks Martha if she believes that He is the resurrection and the life and she said "Yes, Lord." And I have no doubt that Martha really did believe Jesus could and would resurrect Lazarus on the last day. But Martha did not believe that He could raise Lazarus from the dead now. Though she had knowledge about the resurrection, she had yet to experience its power. And I believe that for this reasons, Jesus delayed his coming. Jesus wanted her to experience the fullness of his glory.

So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" 

And so, Lazarus came out of his tomb. As we can see here, death had no power over Jesus. And through His own death and resurrection, Jesus would defeat Satan once and for all on the cross. I believe that Jesus delayed his coming because He wanted to help connect Mary and Martha's faith - from simply knowing who Jesus was to fully experiencing him. I don't know what stage you are in life or what you are waiting on from God, but know this. God loves you so much. And because He loves you so much, He will do whatever is best for you. If needed, He will delay his coming because He wants you to experience the fullness of his power, love, and glory. Through this season of being in an "in-between" stage,  I have come to know and understand that I am here because God wants me to experience the fullness of his power, love, and glory. And as I wait for the fullness of his glory to be revealed, I will continue to pray for all that God has promised to me because I know that He loves me deeply.

Set Free // Look Book

In order to fundraise for our youth summer Belize missions trip, our missions team decided to design and sell t-shirts. As a result, Rebekah and I collaborated and designed this year's t-shirt "Set Free."

The idea of the design was inspired from John 8:36 - "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." We believe that Jesus can and will set many people free from their bondage of sin. Jesus already defeated Satan on the cross. And as Jesus' disciples, we are fulfilling the Great Commission - to go out and make disciples of all nations. 

The look book below was styled by Rebekah and this is her vision carried out. We really hope you enjoy the photos!

made to create

Two years ago, I started my journey in lettering/calligraphy. At first, it was a newfound hobby, but the more I delved into it, the more I began to love it. I had always been fascinated by pretty handwriting and fonts throughout my life, but I had no idea it would become the new trendy thing to do.

Though I love lettering, it does take a lot of time, energy, effort, and some $$ (which I don't think people realize, haha). I really struggled and thought about giving it up for a season or I don't know for how long because it takes a lot of my time. In the world's point of view, it doesn't seem as important as pursuing academics - grades, research, knowledge, etc.

As I headed into the youth winter retreat this past week, I was asking God to renew my passion and purpose for my life. As I was ready to give up on art, God gently reminded me of all the words that had been spoken over my life in middle and high school. Even though I did well in school in secondary education, as people prayed over me, it was never about my academics. Instead, they would ask me questions like - "do you paint?" and I would say "no, I don't paint, but I like to take pictures!" And it's funny how God works because now I love watercolor!

God reminded me that I was made in His image and therefore, I was made to create. It's been quite a journey navigating this part of my life as there isn't a clear-cut road. But I know this. There is a desire in me to design and create - to birth something beautiful and original, whether it's a space, painting, lettering, photography, etc. Creating is what makes me come alive and feel alive. It's certainly not easy to do in the midst of studying and everything else that happens in life, but when I reflect upon it, it's honestly what drives me to do everything else.

And so at the retreat, I invited God to join me on this journey of lettering. I'm not sure where He is taking me with photography, lettering, etc. but I hope that He will be glorified and that people who see my work will be encouraged and inspired to be who God created them to be.

- @gracestype

passersby

We live in a world that is constantly shifting and changing. The world as we know of it today may not be the same tomorrow. I used to think that all things in life were concrete - that the roads and paths that I were to take in life were already set. But I am learning that as our world is constantly changing and shifting, I, too, am constantly changing, learning, and growing as well.

My heart longs to hold onto this world, but over the last few months, I have been reminded that this world is temporary. It's transient. It's fading away. We come into this world with nothing, and one day we will leave this world with nothing.

Even the greatest moments we experience and will experience in life are fleeting. But I believe these moments show us glimpses of the life that is to come. At times, I wish that I could stop time and just savor and hold onto a moment in time. But seasons come and seasons go. I can only hold seasons, people, opportunities, etc. with open hands, trusting in God's perfect plan for my life.

I came across this beautiful song titled "Seasons Change" by United Pursuit. The lyrics go "Though the seasons change // your love remains. // Your love remains." In life seasons change. Though my heart longs to hold onto these fleeting moments, I have been reminded to put my hope in Jesus. I've been reminded that God is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. Though all things will one day fade away, God's love - his words will remain forever.

I've come to the realization that more than all my pursuits - more than all my accomplishments, that I was made to love and respond to God's love. My chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. What a privilege it is to daily come before God - King of Kings, to experience the deepest of all relationships! One day we will stand before God himself without any barriers and we will live with him forever. He will wipe away every tear. All the pain and suffering that we endure for his Kingdom will be worth it all when we see him face to face.

C.S. Lewis once wrote "The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can't supply is proof that Heaven must be our home."

Yes, I want to experience the fullness of what God has for me in this life and fully enjoy each season, but let us not forget that we were made for another world.

Press In & Pray

As the new year begins, God has been pressing on my heart to lean into Him and to pray - to ask Him to come and move and to do only what He can do.

It seems that wherever I turn and where I look, I've been reminded to pray. I wanted to share a few resources and how I've been reminded to pray these past couple of days!

Earlier this week, I came across this article about Hannah's honest, desperate prayer before God for a son. Although I recommend reading the whole thing since it's not that long, here are the words that resonated with me the most!

"Her unique prayer became the channel that God both prompted and then used to turn the tide in Israel and bring much-needed blessing upon them...We must not silently accept our lack of fruitfulness and somehow justify it was God's will for us." Wow. Often times, I accept situations as they are, but what if it's God's invitation to join Him in his work?

I also listened to Pastor Matt Chandler's message titled "A Call to Prayer" where he urges his congregation to pray and he talks about three reasons why, as Christians, we fail to pray consistently.

This past Sunday, our church had a message on Luke 6:12-36 and here's my testimony based on the passage.

Luke 6:12-13 says "One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles."

When I read these verses, I'm amazed because Jesus, who was fully God (as well as fully man), saw the need to pray. And to pray not only for 5 minutes, 1 hour, or just several hours, but the whole night. As the new year began, God has been pressing on my heart to pray. One line from m. Tunde's message has really stuck with me - "what we can do in five years, God can do in five seconds." I'm realizing that moreso than ever before, I can't do what God has called me to do on my own. Studying for the MCAT and applying for medical school is challenging in every way. I can't do it all on my own strength but I believe that God will make a way when I pray and ask Him to move. I was thinking back to spiritual victories I've experienced in the past and I realized the underlying theme of all of them was prayer. When I humbled myself and cried out to God in desperation, He answered. Yet, how often do I choose to depend on myself - my knowledge, understanding, wisdom, etc. My goal this year has been to attend prayer meeting and to really pray (although I haven't been able to make it every day so far). I've seen God move and answer my prayer in the past and I am confident He can and will do it again because He is Good and faithful.

Overall, I've just been reminded of the power of prayer. Rather than resorting to it as our last resort, let it be the first thing we do. Only God can accomplish the God-sized dreams and plans he has for our lives. Let's choose to "begin the battle on our knees" (Priscilla Shirer).

Beautiful Surrender

photo credit: Joseph Kim

Before reading any further, listen to this song below. :)

You didn't really have to listen to the song, but I think it's a really fun song to listen to!

I really like the chorus of the song.

"Beautiful surrender is where I wanna be
locked into your arms for all eternity
come and take my hand
you can lead me where you please
that beautiful surrender is chasing after me."

As I step back in reflection of my life, I see God's hand over every season of my life from when I was born until now - guiding me, leading me - whether I knew it in those moments or not. Twenty-one has been one eventful year! I titled this post "Beautiful Surrender" because these two words sum up this year very well. This year God has been asking me to trust him through disappointments and when circumstances didn't make sense logically (when the circumstances didn't seem to align with what I believe God spoke and promised over my life but this is what faith is!). Even though the results I had been looking for didn't meet my expectations in various areas in life, as I surrendered and stepped back, I realized that God is working in the details. Even when I cannot see with my eyes what God is doing, He's working and He's doing something greater and better than I know. And so, in this season, God has been asking me to surrender. I suppose when we think about the word "surrender" it feels like it's the last resort. In a war, people will fight for their nation as long as they can stand before surrendering. But the type of surrender God was asking from me wasn't forceful but so gentle. He was asking me to surrender every part of my life, to trust in his perfect timing - to surrender my desires, wants, and plans of what I thought life was supposed to look like. Because it's only when I surrender my own desires and wants, He can fill me. It's only in full surrender that He can take me further than I thought I could go. It's only when I surrender, He can mold me and use me according to His plans and not mine. 

And so, I'll be turning twenty-two tomorrow. I have no idea what life is going to look like after I graduate, but I will be faithful to what God places in front of me and loving the people around me, trusting that I'm exactly where He wants me to be. Exciteeeeed for what God has in store!! 

Thanksgiving Topics

1. I am thankful for the cross. I am so thankful for Jesus, who chose to die on the cross for me. In Him I have new life. I’ve seen the transforming power of the gospel. I’ve seen it in my life and in the lives around me. 
2. I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit. He continues to guide me every day.  
3. I am so thankful for my family. I am thankful for my dad for working so hard to provide for our family. I have learned so much by observing him throughout my life. He is kind, compassionate, and so patient with me. He is a man of integrity. I am thankful for my mom, who continually prays for me at early morning prayer meetings and cooks for us. She sincerely loves those around her and continues to give to those around her. I’m so thankful that my parents choose to support me as I pursue medicine as well as the arts. I am thankful for my sister, Rebekah, who never fails to make me laugh. I’m thankful to have seen her grow in the Lord and in faith this past year through attending Grace Retreat and the missions trip over the summer. She brings so much joy to our family. 
4. I am thankful for the youth group leaders. It is such a privilege and honors to serve alongside Augustine, Sarah, and Caleb. To see them continually give their time, money, and energy to love the youth encourages me to continue to do the same.
5. I am thankful for my fellowship and our fellowship Friday Bible studies – esp. for Friday dinners! It’s one less thing I have to think about on Fridays. 
6. I am thankful for all the girls that I have met and gotten to get to know deeper this year – Jenny, Hannah Chow, Rachel, and Mary. It’s been so encouraging to meet up with each one of them and share what God has been doing in our lives. 
7. I am thankful for this past summer. It was challenging, but it was also sweet. I lead a small group for the first time at Grace Retreat, went on missions with the youth group, took the MCAT (though it did not go so well the first time). Through spending 2 weeks with the youth, I got to get to know each one of them– their quirks and personalities.
8. I am so thankful for the new photography opportunities I had this past semester. I was able to photograph more portraits and families in the fall. I really enjoyed it!
9. I am thankful for the beautiful fall season. I enjoyed watching all the leaves change color around the neighborhood and on campus. 
10. I am also thankful for this season in life. Looking back at the past 3 ½ years of undergrad, I don’t know how I got through each semester, but I am so thankful for how God has lead me through it all. It has certainly not been easy and the road to becoming a doctor is not an easy one, but I’ve seen God’s faithfulness over and over throughout my undergrad years. And I am confident that he will be faithful in the coming years.  
11. I am thankful for all the professors and friends that I met at the University of Maryland. 
12. I’m also thankful for all the resources I have at UMCP. I’m really going to miss going to the gym! Also access to creative cloud (Photoshop, Lightroom, Illustrator, etc.) has helped me grow as a creative the last few years. It’s almost two years since I started lettering and it’s been such a fun journey! 
13. I am thankful for the opportunity that I had to attend the Chasing Light Workshop over the summer. I learned so much from Ann and it’s been amazing to see the photographers that I met improve. 
14. I am thankful for my car that faithfully takes me to school every day.
15. I am thankful for my friends who continually encourage and pray for me through the difficult times this year. I have the best friends! 
16. I am thankful for the youth group media team. Though we have not met as often this year, I am proud of the ways each person has grown! 
17. This semester I am very thankful for Tuesdays. Tuesdays have been my favorite days (yes, more than the weekends!) because it’s my day “off”. I still have a lot of work to get done, but I can choose to do work wherever I want. Sometimes it’s a coffee shop. Sometimes it’s school. Sometimes it’s at home, but it’s still really nice to have flexibility. 
18. I’m thankful for Dr. John Lee for allowing me to shadow him a couple of times this semester. I always learn so much – things I could never learn from textbooks. 
19. I am thankful for the random jobs that I have had throughout my undergrad years. I have been leading Guided Study Sessions for the last 5 semesters (4 semesters for genetics). I’ve learned to facilitate discussions and to create a learning environment. When I look back, I’ve learned so much from leading GSS the last 5 semesters. I’ve grown in confidence. I’ve met some really cool people from various backgrounds. Some of them have even gone and become GSS leaders themselves! I became more comfortable speaking in front of a group of people – something I would have never imagined I would choose to do in high school. 
20. I am thankful that God is the best teacher. He never expects me to leap from step 1 to step 10. He takes me step by step in life. Sometimes this requires me to be more patient and wait for his timing, but He knows me the best!