refining

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I don't quite understand how God works. But it's okay.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9).

A few days ago, I told my sister - "I feel like God is refining me this season." He's refining my character. He's refining my trust in Him. He's refining my desires. It has been hard. It has been really really hard for me the last couple of months. But I know God's teaching me something greater than what I can comprehend and see right now. I'm learning more than ever that God is sovereign. God's got everything in control. What I want sometimes isn't what I need. But God is good and he knows what I need. He knows the best for me and He's more concerned with building my character.

Last Sunday I gave the youth group message on Matthew 4. The main three points of my message were:

1. God's word is true.
2. God's word is powerful.
3. God's word never fails.

Oh, it's one thing to know in my mind, but another to experience it in my life. I took the MCAT on August 20th and I received my score yesterday. I did not do well. This is not like "oh you probably did okay but you're saying you didn't do well". No, it was really bad, haha. No one should be applying to medical school with this score, haha. If this was three years ago, it probably would have crushed me. Then, my identity and worth were so intertwined with my performance. But through all this, I see how far God has brought me. And honestly, I guess I underestimated how hard the MCAT is and inadequately studied for it (I thought I could do it in 3 weeks...). It's humbling. Although it was honestly soo disappointing (there were many tears), I know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him. And I found greater peace and joy in Him. I can't do anything about it right now, so I am enjoying my last semester as an undergrad. Right now life is busy, yet simple. I have quiet time, go to lectures, do homework, teach genetics, study, go to the gym, go to lab, etc. Although I don't quite understand what God is doing in my heart and in my life, I am clinging onto His word. God is good. All the time. God is sovereign. I believe He has the best in store for me. 

Even though I didn't do well on the MCAT this first time around, I wouldn't trade the experiences from this summer for a better MCAT score. God took me deeper in my faith and I saw young ones experience God like never before. It was so worth it.

I know He's writing a story better and greater than I can imagine. God's got this. God's got me in His hands.

My go-to pens!

I've been wanting to write this post for a while, but I haven't gotten around to it until now. Let's take a look inside my pencil pouch! Pictured below is my pencil pouch (or I suppose a pen pouch since I only carry pens now?) that I take to school.

Thanks Joe for the gift from Korea!

I got these when I went to Korea three years ago. I don't use them often, but I like them have them in case I need to differentiate notes in class - esp when we're superimposing lines on one graph in class). 

InkJoys! These came from a package that my mom got from Costco. I also really like these for writing in my personal notebook. I don't really use them for school since I write only in black ink. 

My Lamy fountain pens! The left was a birthday present from Helena and right was a birthday present from Andrew. The left one has a thicker nib and it's nice for writing people's names on envelopes while the one on the right is more for normal writing. The only downside is that you have to refill the ink pretty often. I used to write with them more often, but now not as much.

A closer look at the nibs. :) A cool thing is that you could also purchase new nibs and switch them out!

Jetstream pens! For the last two years, this has been my go-to note-writing pens. The first time I used it was when someone from Korea gave it to my sister as present. But she didn't really care or want it and then I ended up using it, haha. I have a blue one and a black one, but I find myself using the black one far more than the blue one. Over the semesters I realized I don't like referring back to my notes when they're in blue... Jetstream pens have been my favorite pens for the last two years. :)

A closer look at them.

My brush pens! I recently got the brush pen on the top. It's a lot more inkier than the tombow one (bottom pen). I was first introduced to the tombow brush pen when Sarah gave me a set for my birthday. They're super easy to carry around and they allow you to have variations in stroke thickness (great for lettering on the go)! There are two versions of the tombow pen. I have a gray one, that's a lot softer in feel when you write, but I prefer the blue one. I feel like you have more control in writing with the blue one.

Dun dun dun...I saved the best one for last. Hannah got me this muji pen as a gift when she came back from NYC and it's been my favorite pen ever since. And now I can't go back to any other pens... It feels more like a gel pen than a ballpoint pen, but it feels great writing with them!

There are a lot of other pens that I use for typography and lettering, but these are the pens that I carry to school on a daily basis! Thanks for reading. :)