His Grace

As I found a journal I had written in April/May of 2012, and as I began to read it, I just realized that it was only by God's grace that I survived last year. Most of my prayers were along the lines "Jesus, I cannot do this on my own" and as AP tests are nearing and as senior year is ending, I find myself saying the same prayer. Everyday there are just so many things for me to handle that I cannot do anything but give them up to God and say "God, I need you today."

Jesus, again, I come to you and say I cannot do all these things on my own. However, I can do all things through you who give me strength! As so many things are happening at once that I cannot even keep track of all these things, I pray that you may be with me. You are the sovereign God and I know that you always provide the best for those who love you! So I just lay down everything before you. I pray for strength, knowledge, and wisdom for the upcoming weeks!

And at the end, all the glory goes to God.

Unexpected

I am a planner.

I like to make "to-do" lists that lists my homework so I can cross them off as I do them. It's also so that I can plan how I'm going to allot my time throughout my evening. However, I felt that God was calling me to follow his lead today.

Yesterday's devotional said:
"Rest in the stillness of My Presence while I prepare you for this day. Let the radiance of My Glory shine upon you as you wait on Me in confident trust. Be still, and know that I am God. There is both a passive and an active side to trusting Me. As you rest in My Presence, focusing on Me, I quietly build bonds of trust between us. When you respond to the circumstances of your life with affirmations of trust you actively participate in this process.

I am with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me. Repent of this tendency and resist it whenever you realize you are wandering down this well-worn path. Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment. I accept you back with no condemnation."

And today, a part of it is:
"Make me your focal point as you move through this day. Just as the spinning ballerina must keep returning her eyes to a given point to maintain her balance, so you must keep returning your focus to Me."

Today in all was really random and I had to try my best to focus my eyes on God.

And then out of no where someone asks me to prom. And of course I'm so awkward, but it was partly due to being so shocked, haha.

Caleb: Will you go to prom with me?
Me: Uhh uhhh uhhh...

I guess I'm going to prom!

Today I learned that life is unexpected.

As I reflect on my years of high school, I am so thankful that God always provided. He taught me so much about himself through various struggles along with good times. If God had told me all the things I would be doing senior year, I would not have believed him. I would have never imagined that I would actually have a DSLR or that I would become good friends with the people I know now! I'm definitely going to miss all these great friends as I go into college, but it's okay. God has given me these four great years and I know he has another great four years of my life ahead planned for me. Although college is much more unexpected than high school, I know that God's going to be with me through it all! I often put God is a box, limiting to how he can work, but God can do anything!

One prayer topic that I have for college (if you guys want to pray for me) is that I will have really good friends who are strongly rooted in Jesus. (:

I can't expect my next four years to be like anybody else's college experience, although I am going to University of Maryland along with some hundred other peers from Roosevelt.

Time to be excited for what God has in store for our lives!

Speaking Boldly

I have always admired those people who have great relationships with God that their mere presence would convict someone of who God is. However in my attempt to live a Christ-centered life, I have forgotten the other important aspect, which would be to preach His word. It's easier to not contradict anyone and remain silent in school. But recently, God has been convicting me that I need to talk about Him. If I never speak about God, I might just be another "nice person" they meet in their life. I was randomly looking through my notes through a random notebook I picked off my bookshelf and I read this. I have no idea who gave the message although I remember taking these notes. Maybe it was Bill Pottinger? I have no clue. I hope you guys can read it. I just took a picture of it. What stuck out the most to me is that "Our task it not to convince people. It's to speak the truth." As Belssi said during her message last week, she should be able to give the same message to anyone else in the world because it's the truth. The message I share with one person shouldn't differ with another person. And I definitely cannot convince anyone through an argument to believe Jesus as their Savior. Only the Holy Spirit can work in people's lives. 

We are studying about Peter in TLC and had a really discussion last week. In the past weeks we studied Peter's faith as he walked across the boat and how he denied Jesus three times. Then last Wednesday we studied how radically Peter had transformed after the death and resurrection of Jesus. He was preaching boldly in front of thousands of people and in one day, five thousand people were saved. Through Jesus' power, Peter was also healing people as Jesus did. Then we discussed how we can reach out to our friends and what people believe in. I never thought about it, but what someone said really stuck out to me. Most people truly believe that they are right with God and that they will go to heaven when they die. However, we know that this is not the truth. Which also reminded me that the devil's greatest lie is convincing people that he is not real. Satan is a liar. And we have Jesus on our side so I need to speak the truth of who God is!

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile" (Romans 1:16).

Last Week

Last week was crazy.

Thank God I survived! You guys know how I can't function without much sleep, but I went all last week & weekend with like seven hours of sleep each night.

In preparation for the Color Run on Saturday, we spent so much time at Chris' house making the dye for the Color Run. We literally had five blenders lined up to blend corn starch and food coloring. Despite all the hard work we had to do in preparation for the ERHS Color Run, I actually had a lot of fun. It was a good time to spend with the other NHS heads, getting to know them better. I really thank God for this position he has given me and this seems to tie back in to my key verse for this year.

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the work of your hands." - Psalm 138: 8

I also thank God for the perfect weather we had for the Color Run! Only God can control the weather. We originally wanted to have the Color Run on March 28th, but it was too soon. Guess what happened on March 28th? It turned really cold and the following week was when we had all that snow. April 13th was the perfect weather to have a run and thank God 100 people showed up! I really hope they do it again next year. If they take all the tips we gave them, it should be a bigger hit and I would try to go to it, haha. And actually run.

I also believe God was with us throughout the whole coming up with the idea, planning, etc. I remember I was praying for a week or so about what our next NHS event should be and then I had the dream we had a 5K at Roosevelt. Then I woke up and checked my messages the next day and my friends were talking about  a Color Run! And that's where it all began. We made some mistakes here and there in our decisions, but it worked out somehow in the end. And when everything seems to be falling apart, but somehow ends up well, I cannot take any credit for it. It was God working through everything. We didn't even figure out how to make the dye until a week before! (:

On Friday there was the Spring Best of Coffee House. I got home around 11 Friday and then the Color Run happened on Saturday. Then around four I finally had time to myself and was about to start some homework and then...I get a phone call asking if I wanted to go to the Cherry Blossom Festival. I'm glad I went! It was random, but fun. My friends are crazy.

They really wanted me to make this, haha.

On the metro wearing out ERHS Color Run tshirts!

Jefferson Memorial

Cherry blossoms!

Chris, Praveen, Sumit

And then I suffered on Sunday because I didn't do my homework earlier.

One month left! Ahhhh.

I know this isn't chronological anymore, but there are some pictures from before Coffee House:

Vinona & Susan

Me & Vinona

Even I would say this is a lot of pictures for one weekend.

Justice

note: I wrote the chunk of this blog post months ago, probably towards winter break or so. Maybe even farther back? However I never posted it and it has been sitting in my draft box and the (1) for the unpublished blogs has been bothering me, so here it is! Since the reason I didn't post it in the first place was being I didn't finish, I added to some things here and there. I hope it makes sense. It's kind of jumbled. (:

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and walk humbly with your God."

Micah 6:8

Justice. What does this mean to you? The United States' pledge of Allegiance ends with "one Nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all" and there's that phrase "justice is served." The word justice associates with righteousness, rightfulness, and lawfulness. There are lawyers and Supreme Court Judges who fight to maintain justice in our country.

However justice was not a word that I often thought about until a few months ago. 

A few months ago, I made the part of the song Hosanna - "break my heart for what breaks yours" my prayer. As we sang "Hosanna" during praise in youth group, I would ask God what was on his heart.

And this year, God has been showing me that we need to represent and speak up for the people who cannot speak for themselves. Yesterday night, I had a dream that I befriended two deaf people and it was really strange. Now that I think about it, I don't know how we communicated, but in my dream, it was really natural.

Have you guys read Night? I read it freshman year for English and this poem that we read at the end of reading the novel really stuck to me, espeically the last line.

First They Came

First they came for the communists,and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.Then they came for the socialists,and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.Then they came for the trade unionists,and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.Then they came for me,and there was no one left to speak for me.

One night I asked Jesus how I should lived and Micah 6:8 and the line "to act justly" popped out and ever since then, I noticed the injustice around me.

I recently read Undaunted, and I was really encouraged to fight against the belief that I can't do anything. A lot of the times, I made excuses for myself which are eventually just lies sent by the enemy. I believe that I can't do anything because I'm not old enough, wise enough, or strong enough. I don't have an income and I'm just in high school, but Jesus says that these are all lies. He is with me and in this world and we need to fight the injustice. The people who need to be helped the most are the ones who cannot help themselves. As simple and obvious as this sounds, we often forget this. When I'm doing well in my life, I don't take time to remember all those who are suffering. Man, I really admire people who can have compassion on other and take action. It's easy for me to get caught up in my own life that I forget to care about the people around me.

There are so many organizations that need help - the A21, Compassion International, Amazima Ministry, missionaries all around the world, etc. but I also think it's important to seek God's guidance because even if I want to, I can't be at all these different places at once.

How do I make a difference? How can I? That's a tough question. There are obvious times when I know that my actions impacted the people around me when I was in Mexico and places like this, but it's a lot tougher living daily. I must first look up to the One who saved me and is far greater in love. Then once God starts working in my life, I believe He will use me to do amazing things. God uses the willing. (:

Reflection

This life is so temporary.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  (2 Corinthians 4:18)

As my senior year has been passing by, the Lord has been tugging at my heart to surrender everything before him. I hadn't quite realized it before, but I expect there to be a sequence in which things happen in my life (My natural tendency is to be very logical). However, God cannot unfold His plans in my life if I continue to have this mentality. Everything that goes against my expectations will be a disappointment, even if it will be part of God wonderful plan. Therefore, God has been slowly working in me by asking me to give up one thing at a time. In the midst of trying to hold onto my own accomplishments, pride, etc., I forgot how good it is to entrust everything to God! In Him there is so much peace, goodness, kindness, etc. He's going to take care of everything. In the past, God never failed to provide and so I know He will provide all my needs in the future.

I realized that a lot of seniors decide where they are going to college by looking at the financial cost. If they get into a good school, but it costs $40,000 a year and they didn't receive much in scholarships and financial aid, they end up choosing to go to University of Maryland. I recognized that I also have that mentality. I don't want to get myself in major debt during the four years of college. Who does? But then I realized that should not and is not the reason why I am choosing to go to UMCP. If it is God's will, I could go to any school He wants me to and God, in his wonderful ways, will provide for college. However, it is God's will for me to stay here and so, I choose to obey Him because his ways are the best.

I recently bought a new devotional book titled Jesus Calling by Sarah Young after having the Experiencing God Day by Day for several years. These devotionals are written in the perspective as if God is talking and this is the one from today.

"In Me you have everything. In Me you are complete. Your capacity to experience Me is increasing through My removal of debris and clutter from your heart. As your yearning for Me increases, other desires are gradually lessening. Since I am infinite and abundantly accessible to you, desiring Me above all else is the best way to live. It is impossible for you to have a need that I cannot meet. After all, I created you and everything that is. The world is till at My beck and call, though it often appears otherwise. Do not be fooled by appearances. Things that are visible are brief and fleeting, while things that are invisible are everlasting."

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  (Proverbs 3:6)

The Color Run is less than two weeks away and it has been a lot of work. Making fliers, designing tshirts, stenciling, arguing about which spray paint to buy (haha), meeting, trying to dye formulas, etc, but it's also been a lot of fun. Today I was reminded how I became the Vice President of NHS by one vote. That's kind of crazy. And I was also reminded how God is in control of the Color Run and how he showed me through a dream that we were to have a run. That's also pretty crazy. So I am in this position with four other friends not because of what I did, but because God put me here. I also find it really amazing how God put us altogether. The five of us work pretty well together. I believe each one of us bring important talents and skills while we plan the Color Run, which also reminds me of the Body of Christ works (I had Bible study on this last week). Not everyone can be an eye, ear, mouth, etc. However each person, no matter his or her position is indispensable. Therefore, it is really important to know my position, but also to value others' positions in the Body of Christ.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4)

Working with various people in groups throughout the years, you begin to identify people's weaknesses as well as the strengths. Sometimes I begin to notice more negative things than positive ones. But I learned that it is not good to continually criticize others of their weaknesses. Instead I should encourage others because every person is valuable. We also shouldn't be overcome by our weaknesses, but continue to persevere, continually surrendering it to God and we will one day be victorious. It's amazing how God can use a person's weaknesses to eventually make it their strong characteristics. All the glory goes to God!

Forgiveness

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. —Colossians 3:13 (NIV) “I don’t believe that person is really sorry” and “Saying ‘I forgive you’ won’t take away the pain”—these are two reasons why people (even Christians and maybe you) are reluctant to forgive someone who has hurt them. That first excuse is validated by the fact that our society—even our Christian community—has downgraded forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a Band-Aid for a wound; that wound has to be recognized for what it is, grieved over, and owned before forgiveness can be real, freeing, and lasting. To minimize someone’s pain with a “Hey, I’m sorry, friend” and perhaps even a quick prayer—without truly acknowledging any wrongdoing and its very real consequences—is an offense in itself. You may never receive a genuine apology from the offender, but what do you gain by allowing your wound to fester? As for the second concern above, I believe we can only really forgive when we acknowledge both the truth that we are wounded and the depth of that wound. It is tempting to slough pain away and deny that we have been hurt. It can be embarrassing to be wounded: we feel weak or out of control, so we ignore it. We need to accept that we live in a world where pain is sometimes just part of the package. Once we humbly admit that we are wounded and allow ourselves to feel the pain, we can bring it to Christ for healing; only then can we begin the process of forgiveness. And, yes, it is a process. A Prayer for Today: Just and holy God, you know that we human beings don’t always treat one another kindly, respectfully, or justly, and that truth makes it tough for me to want to forgive people who have hurt me. May my fear of being hurt be overshadowed by the truth that you’ll be with me even if I am hurt again. Help me, Lord, to do what is right even though it’s hard. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I read what's above this morning and it convicted me, especially the line 'It is tempting to slough pain away and deny that we have been hurt. It can be embarrassing to be wounded: we feel weak or out of control, so we ignore it." I think whenever I do get hurt, I just want to quickly move on that I fail to deal with it. In attempts to not dwell on what happened, I don't deal with it. Then subconsciously it hinders my relationships with others.

Then I thought about Jesus on the cross. As he was dying on the cross, he said "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." In the midst of his pains, he focused not only on himself, but on others and he consciously forgave them. Jesus did not deny the pain he felt. Yet he forgave the people who were persecuting and mocking him. How great is his love that he forgave despite the physical, mental, and emotional pain he felt?

My immediate reaction to getting hurt is to go back into my imaginary shell of safety (Imagine a turtle going back into his shell). However I need to recognize that I've been hurt and forgive as Jesus did.

And I really like the lyrics to this song:

"If there's anything good, anything that's good in me,

it must be you."