retreat

I'm glad I went to the retreat! It was really chill. I had a good time resting and spending time with the people who went. I think I got to know some people I've seen around and others, even more. After spending three days sick and alone in my bed, it was definitely good seeing people! I hate being sick (I mean, who doesn't?) but from being sick I think I learned valuable lessons.

1. I am weak; God is strong.
2. The desperate cry out. I need to be desperate to know God.
3. Sometimes it's just good to rest by doing nothing but eating and sleeping all day.
4. I value quality time more than I thought I did. I need to see people after a certain point of being alone! (Referring back to the Love Language test we took at youth group two years ago, I wonder if your love language can change over the years. I feel like I value quality time a lot more now than I did before. Also maybe I became more comfortable giving hugs because before I didn't like giving hugs. I mean, it depends who it is and I would rather keep my space sometimes, but I guess some people really need to be hugged.)

Looking back on this weekend, it was really fun and I learned a lot in a different way. We didn't have a speaker and a busy back-to-back schedule, but through the retreat I learned:

1. A lot of C words. Community, confusing, communication, etc. These words are really important in building a community. I realized that a lot of times we lack these things such as communication and it soon leads to confusion, then frustration (which is not a C word).
2. One of the best ways to get to know people is to just spend time with them. 
3. Kids are so cute! Even though I'm eighteen, it can be really fun just playing with five year olds, haha. They're full of so much energy!
4. I need to sincerely seek God. Although I didn't get to read much from the Bible, it encouraged me to read more. It seems like everywhere I turn it's like "read your Bible" haha. For Christmas I got a book titled "How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth" so time to dive into Bible reading!
5. Grumbling against God and your leaders is not good. I learned this from reading parts of Numbers this weekend. The Israelites complained against Moses and Aaron several times wondering why God chose them instead of anyone else, but every time God showed the Israelites that he chose Moses and Aaron to lead them. Moses was such a good leader. He was extremely humble too - "Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth" (Numbers 12:3). God was so close to killing the Israelites off because they grumbled so much, but Moses interceded in prayer for the Israelites several times.

From reflecting on the past year I realized:

1. God taught me about work this year through my key verse Ephesians 2:10 - "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
2. God opened my heart more to love others, especially people who I found annoying or didn't really like in the past.
3. God taught me more and more about worship through being in the praise team. Maybe I'll elaborate on this one a bit later.
4. God taught me to be more patient with people.
5. Even when I don't see God working in my life, he is!

I really wanted to choose Isaiah 43:18-19 as my new year's key verse, but now that I'm thinking about it again, I think I might choose something else.

"Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not

perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland."

I read Psalm 138:8 over the weekend and maybe I'll choose this instead as my new year's key verse.

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;

your love O Lord, endures forever -

do not abandon the works of your hands."

Maybe I need to hold onto God's promises for my life this coming year. (:

Overall, I'm glad I had the opportunity to go to this retreat!

last two weeks

This post will talk about occurrences from the last two weeks or so through words and pictures:

• I am so thankful for surviving last week. At points I didn't think I could get through the week. I just wanted to stay at home and sleep, but thankfully God gave me the strength to get through my test and essay!
• I didn't mention this, but this is what my friends gave me for my birthday. My friend, Kristen, made me a photo book and Preethi gave me an ice cream cake and a frame.

• The tripod came in the mail today! Story of the tripod. I really wanted a tripod for a while and I was looking at them and they were really expensive. I didn't even know there were all kinds of tripods. I decided on a one I wanted. It looked better than other ones but then it was a little bit more expensive. So then I prayed - God could you bring the price down? Then I didn't look at tripods for a week or so and then as I was asking my dad something, I decided to ask him to buy the tripod. Then I saw that it was like two dollars cheaper. I was like okay at least it went down a little bit, haha. Then shipping was so expensive at $13.99. Before we were about to buy it, I noticed that amazon was selling the same exact tripod but for $9 cheaper and there was free shipping. So we saved $23! Praise God for answering my prayer! I am so excited for this tripod but now I have so much more to learn. (:

• A few weeks ago I was asking God how I should live and I felt like he was telling me to flip to December 15 in the devotional book even though it was earlier than that. The verse for that day was "He has shown you, O man, what is good ; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8). I didn't realize that it was in Micah and that week I was reading Micah and this verse popped out.
• I recently watched a message by Pastor Stephen Chandler and in the message, Pastor Stephen talked about how we have windows of opportunities in our lives. God doesn't give us all the time in the world  to accomplish some things in our lives. We have seasons in life and certain things can only be accomplished in certain seasons. After I heard that, I've been realizing more and more now that there's windows of opportunities in my life. When I look back on my in my high school years, I see how I interact with different people every year (well, except for very few people). Carpe diem! It makes me want to do my best to have somewhat of an influence to the people around me while I have this opportunity. Maybe the little I do can actually impact someone's life. (:
• After our TLC leaders meeting Friday we went to eat dinner at a Mongolian place called Bang Bang. You basically just picked whatever you wanted and they fried it up for you. 

• We went to see the lights at the National Zoo yesterday! More pictures will be up on facebook, but it was hard to take pictures because it was dark.

Monday

This weekend has been  rough, being sick and all, but I got through by God's grace! Eighteen. I really didn't feel much older turning eighteen. Isn't that strange? I think I felt older when I turned seventeen than when I turned eighteen. I'm still recovering from this stomach virus or whatever I had, but I do feel so much better. I would say being sick on your birthday has its pros and cons. It sucks because you feel terrible but then it also made me realize how much my parents love me because they looked after me.

Today is one of those days where I don't know how I'm going to get through but it's all-the-more reasons to see God working through my weakness. I read Psalm 127 this morning and it was so good:

"Unless the Lord builds the house, 

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat --

for he grants sleep to those he loves."

Psalm 127:1-2

Unless the Lord's presence is in my life, everything I do is in vain. People do good and great things in life, but if it's not for the Lord, it's in vain because our lives were created to glorify God. A thought came into my mind today. I am sometimes a perfectionist, which is sometimes bad and sometimes good, but then I was reminded that God doesn't demand perfection from me. That's a good thing because I am not perfect. I can try to be, but I never will be perfect on earth. However God demands for me to do whatever I do for His glory. He wants me to try and do my best, but in all, he doesn't demand perfection. He wants my heart to be aligned with his and to love others with the compassion He has for me. And I'm thankful God doesn't demand perfection. Being weak and tired today, all I can do is my best to study for my physics and lit test tomorrow. Then leave it all up to God.

Here are a few pictures from yesterday! In between all that, I need to find time to edit pictures...

surprises

On Monday morning, I asked God to surprise me this week and then on Monday:
1. My AP Bio test got moved from Wednesday to Friday.
2. My Latin teacher said he wasn't going to be here from this Thursday - next Tuesday.
3. My sketchbook homework that was due on Wednesday is now due on Friday.

I realized that God has been and is continually teaching me about worshiping him. He deserves my everything. I've been watching a few videos here and there - Pastor Stephen Chandler's message & Bethel videos and it kind of clicked. Over the past few months God has been showing me that everything really does point to him and he deserves all of my worship. And what I learn in school shouldn't be a distraction from not spending time with Him, but it should make him worship him even more. We're learning about all the small details of a cell right now in biology and it amazes me how God created everything and how it all works together. While I'm living, there are thousands of reactions going on in my body - hydrolysis, movement of organelles, cells, etc. and everything works together well. Isn't it amazing?

WARNING- SPOILER ALERT: If you never read Candide before and you don't want me to spoil the ending, you should skip the next few paragraphs, but if you don't care, you can read it, haha.

We just finished reading Candide by Voltaire in lit and at first, it was difficult to get accustomed to the style and the pace of the book, but it has been making me think. Questions I was thinking about the other day - What is hope? What is optimism? Is there a difference between the two, and if there is, what is it? Is it possible to have hope but still be pessimistic? (Feel free to comment what you think!) I was asking a few of my friends and we all seemed to agree that there is a difference from hope and optimism abut how they were related seemed debatable. I think it really depended on how people defined hope. One of my friend defined hope as a wish, but I think it's more than just a wish. Another of my friends said - "Optimism is thinking everything is good and looking at the good in everything while hope if believing that something good will happen one day. I think most optimistic people have hope but you don't need to be optimistic to have it." I think these definitions somewhat limits what hope is. It makes it seem like there is no actions as a result of hope and I think it's the opposite of my friends said. I think most people with hope have optimism. I actually don't know. They're so intertwined. Anyways, that was just a thought.

I also found the character Pococurante very interesting. Candide was so certain that Pococurante must be happy because he had everything. "I've been told about a senator named Pococurante who lives in a beautiful palace on the Brenta and always gives strangers a courteous welcome. They say he's a man who's never known sorrow or trouble" (p.98). His "palace was an architectural triumph" and he had everything in abundance. However he made a comment about all his source of entertainment that although they were entertaining at first, they all ended up boring him. "The noise may be amusing for half an hour but if it lasts any longer it bores everyone, although no one dares to admit it" (p.100). I found that really interesting because it really shows us nothing in this world can really satisfy us. It can entertain us for a while, but eventually it can't so we search for more entertainment elsewhere. Then, isn't that depressing? Yes, but there is someone who can satisfy us and that's God himself! Nothing will satisfy us in this world, but God can and will. Then everything, including my studies points back to God again.

At the end of the book, Pangloss said - "...when man was put in the Garden of Eden, he was put there 'to dress it and to keep it,' that is, to work; which proves that man was not born to be idle" (p.120). This really reminded me of my key verse this year - "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which he prepared in advance for us to do." Someone in class mentioned in class that Voltaire criticizes religions, but he doesn't question God's existence. I found that interesting. I don't really know exactly what Voltaire's points were through his book, but they're interesting to think about. I also found it somewhat significant that at the end of the novel, "the whole group entered into this commendable plan, and each began to exercise his own talents. The little farm yielded abundant crops." Maybe Voltaire's message to the people of his time was to stop theorizing everything and start working together as people. I like how each of the characters cultivated their talents. I think it's important we do that as a society as well. Not everyone can be one thing.

I made a website! mustardseedphotography.weebly.com
I was talking to my art teacher today and she suggested that I make a website so I just did, haha. She's really good at photography!

kids

These kids are growing up so fast!

update!

Five day weeks are draining, so draining. Two down and two more to go. (: My schedule basically everyday has been - wake up, go to school, try to get as much work done in school, stay after school, come home, do homework, and attempt to sleep early as possible, then repeat.

I guess after going through routines for days, it's easy for me to start losing sight of the promises God has given me in the past. After that, it's so much easier to lose hope and start complaining. As I was starting to lose sight of God's promises, God provided at the perfect time a guest speaker at TLC this week. Preethi really insisted that he wanted this person to come and speak, but the rest of us had no idea who he was.(www.yoursevenproject.com) He used to be a youth pastor but after God called him to missions, he goes to different school in the nation and hosts an assembly. In the day time, they talk about different topics such as drug abuse, abstinence, etc. and then invite everyone to come out again in the evening. He shared a vision that God gave him in reaching out to people to be saved and it really made me think. What am I doing to reach out to these people who don't know they're heading to hell? If I just share one thing, could it make an impact in their life? It made me desire to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. He also talked about how he prayed "break my heart for what breaks yours" to Jesus and as he heard stories of abandonment, hurt, etc his heart broke. It makes me wonder - what can I do to love these people? Most of the time it's easier to mind my own business and let others keep living as they do. I forget that simple actions can brighten up people's days. For example some people smile if you just smile at them. (: So since Wednesday the line from Hosanna - "break my heart for what breaks yours" has been on replay in my head.

"Your promises have been thoroughly tested, and your servant loves them." - Psalm 119:140
I read this verse yesterday. At first I quickly read over it but then the more I thought about it, I realized how true it is. God always fulfills his promises and I can always trust him. There's never been a time when God hasn't fulfilled his promise. That says something.

Poetry Slam. I hadn't planned on going to it and honestly I didn't expect much from it. Someone just asked me to photograph the event and so I just went. I didn't really know anyone there very well, but surprisingly I enjoyed it. I feel like there's so many emotions in poems. You get to hear stories you would have never known about and you get to sort of feel what they feel. It kind of broke my heart with some things people went through.

After staying in front of the school and waiting for your parents a bunch of times, you start to meet new people. I was standing outside Wednesday, waiting for my mom and this girly randomly started talking to me, haha. She probably though I was a freshman too.

Anyways,  through these random events, I realized I like meeting new people!

Wedding Photos

This is going to be a short post, but I've been looking at a lot of wedding/engagement photos lately and here's what I have been noticing:

1. Most of the pictures are focused on the bride/bride-to-be with a few solo-shots of the groom.
2. The couple is off-centered, more closer to the edges.
3. Other pictures are centered.
4. White. Most pictures are bright and there's a lot of white!
5. The scenery is beautiful. I feel like engagement/wedding photos are mostly taken in the woods, open grass fields, or churches.
6. They're so pretty.

There must be so much pressure being a wedding photographer. If you miss that moment, you can't go back and rewind to have another chance. The pictures you take and process are going to be the pictures the couple has to look back at their wedding. Actually it's probably rewarding knowing you took pictures that people can look back at and remember. (:

And here's a picture that I took today that has nothing to do with weddings: