Positivity

I knew it, but it hit me more as I went back to school.

Positivity is a choice.

Sometimes it is easy to be positive, other times it's not. I am realizing more and more that I have to consciously make the decision to notice the good side of things despite of all the bad things (sounds so cliche). Over the summer I spent a lot of time with my youth group, church, and at home. No matter how negative people can be at times, I think we (as a youth group) were trying to be more positive this year. I find it easier to hang around positive people (being around negative people makes me feel negative too). However as soon as I returned to school, I realized that being positive is so much harder than it seems. It's definitely easier to be positive around other positive people. At school, so many people complain. I complain, they complain, we all complain. People speak poorly of others, curse, and are just really negative sometimes. If I could, I would just block out everything they said, but I can't. If I sit next to them, I can't help overhearing all their complaints. However, I want to choose to be positive. Despite all the homework and difficulties, I don't want to just complain about it.

I need to tell myself to just do the work. I know that everything I do now is for a reason for what God has in store for my future. However it doesn't mean I'll always be positive. I'll try my best, but humans always fail because only God's perfect. So I pray that I may not be influenced by the negativity surrounding me. I want to make a difference to the people around me by choosing to be positive. (:

He knew

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

The more I look back on certain past events that occurred in my life, I'm just amazed at how God's perfect plans unfolded in my life. Last year I was so set on taking orchestra, but due to my schedule conflict, I had to take introduction to photography. I wanted to take it, but at that time I really wanted to take orchestra. However God knew that taking orchestra during my junior year would be too much for me. He helped me get to know the photography teacher. Now I can visit him and show him pictures I've taken recently! Then at the end of junior year, I had the same conflict again - photography or orchestra? I kept praying about it, but I  really wasn't sure what to do. I think I put orchestra as my first choice. Then photography, and then art somewhere just in case. To my surprise, what did I get? Did I get orchestra? Did I get photography? No, I got art. At first I was kind of disappointed because I wanted to take intermediate photography, but now I realize that God knew. I always wanted to take art in my middle school/high school career but I could never fit it into my schedule. Now here I am, senior year, taking art! 

Several people have prophesized over me in the past and have told me they saw me painting. They would ask me - "oh do you paint?" and I would answer "oh no, but I like photography" but then painting would keep coming back to me Who knew I would later be sitting in my room...painting t shirts? Haha. I love being able to be creative through art. Maybe I'll get more into painting later on. Creating and capturing something really does make me feel alive. Another worry that I had was my bus being late this year because I have AP Biology first period. It would be terrible if I was late to bio everyday! Last year my bus came late almost everyday but that was no big deal because I had photography first period. Guess what! My bus comes to school on time and early - around 8:15. Those fifteen minutes are really great for visiting the photo teacher.

On Monday, he randomly told me there was a Canon lens that was used for a SLR camera before it went digital. He told me to bring my camera to check out if the lens fit. I brought my camera, and surprise - it did! Now I can borrow the new lens and it's extremely cool because you can zoom really far - up to 200 mm. It's so exciting (the picture above was taken with this lens). Considering how expensive lenses are and how random this surprise was, I am so excited to see what this lens can do! Also extremely thankful.

Looking back through my life, I'm glad I didn't take orchestra junior year. I'm glad my bus was late last year and I'm glad my bus is early this year. I'm so thankful for the way God has been working through my life. I'm thankful for the perfect schedule he planned for me this year. Even though I have a tough Lit class, maybe there are people He wants me to meet and encounter this year. (:

His plans are perfect and mine aren't. I need to remember that when things do not go the way I planned it, it's okay. It's probably better that way.

sidenote: Right now, I'm praying that I have strength! I have been exhausted and extremely tired, but I'm praying. I know God can do amazing things like getting rid of tiredness. (:

I am extremely excited for all that God has in store for this year. I'm trying to really embrace and love this year despite the difficulties. God has been teaching me to just relax and to enjoy this year. Even though it may be busy and hard, I need to enjoy it. I need to enjoy learning. I need to enjoy being in school this year.

When I'm Alive

Ever since my friend posed this question to me, it's been on my mind. When do I feel alive? Well, foremost, I feel "alive" when I'm in the presence of my God. As Augustine said in his message Sunday, I also feel alive when I love others - by loving others, I am loving God. In the process of thinking of when I am alive, I was thinking about what makes me excited. Not just excited, but really really excited. Then I thought about this - is being excited the same as being alive? I don't know, but I think it has something to do with it because God made all of us individually, in our unique ways.

Here it goes - I feel alive when:
1) I am part of God's work. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." This definitely applies to missions, but it also applies to everyday life as well.

2) I take pictures - surprise! I can read and talk about photography for hours. If you let me, I will keep talking even though you and I both know you have no clue what I'm talking about. I realized that I do get really excited talking about photography. I also love capturing certain moments, especially taking pictures of kids. It's beautiful having the privilege to capture God's creations. (:

3) I come up with ideas and make them happen. It's better to just make things happen than talk about it for hours and hours. I'd rather talk about how to make it happen than talk about possibilities. If it's not going to happen, why keep talking about it?

4) I finally get to know someone, when we reach that moment in our friendship when we can be honest with each other.

5) I am worshiping God - through music or whatever way.

6) I am part of the ministry. I think I really like all the parts of it. It really amazes me each time how all the different bodies work together. Each person is so valuable - so much more valuable than I can imagine to God. From the outside perspective you see the messenger, but there's so much work that goes behind everything. People who set up chairs, prepare lunch, prepare special songs, praise team, people who work behind the praise team, etc. It's so beautiful how everything works together. (:

here's a picture from yesterday!
Oh, yes. I forgot. I feel like people often just see me take pictures and that's all there's to it, but the fun part of photography is the editing part. That's where you can really change the lighting, contrast, and everything to totally change a picture of you want.

Alive

My friend recently asked me this question - "When do you feel like you're alive - like you're doing what you're meant to do?" By recent, I mean recent, haha. She asked me last night, but it's been in my mind. This is a tough question. I'll try to answer it as soon as possible. (:

How about you? What makes you feel like you're living, that you're doing what God created you to do?

Comment if you want! I want to hear your answers. (...and then nobody will comment)

rain

It was the first day of school and I find no coincidence that it rained today. I could look at it negatively and say that it set a gloomy mood for the rest of the school year, but I believe it means something else - it's going to rain this year. I believe God is going to pour out his spirit this year to our schools so that we can make a difference. Not just a small difference, but huge differences that will impact the lives of our friends and students within the school.

I'm praying that I come to love senior year despite the differences. I do miss my classes, teachers, and friends from last year. Well, I don't know about the classes, but I do miss the teachers and classes. It was such a sweet year. However I can't just compare this year to last year because God has something greater in store for me this year than I can imagine. As I didn't know anything how my schedule fit so perfectly together in the beginning of the year, I don't know how perfectly it's going to fit together this year. It does feel odd that I don't have a temp class this year, but maybe I could go outside somehow.

Random: I was thinking about this the other day, but it makes a significant difference when someone truly believes in you. In moments of despair and hardship, when someone says "I believe you can do it" that means so much. Words do go a long way.

Banquet: Planning the banquet made me realize how much I love planning events, but at the same time it made me realize how much I dislike planning. I love putting ideas into actions, but there are just so many details that need to be taken care of. Name cards, tables, posters, etc. Planning events take so much thought and energy from me, but at the end of the day, I really enjoy planning things. (:

Funny moment while setting up for the banquet:
me: "Matthew, can you put the table cloth on each of the tables? Alternate them yellow, white, yellow, white."
*Matthew goes to the tables, opens the table cloths*
Matthew: "What? These are semi-circles!" (Matthew didn't open the table cloth fully.)
Then we realized that we didn't buy the rectangular table cloths for the white ones, hahaa.
We came to the conclusion that the circular table cloths actually looked pretty good.
Then a few minutes later we hear Matthew:
"These are squares! They don't even fit the table. WHO BOUGHT THESE?"
He scared us again. He didn't fully open them, hahahaha.

Throughout the night many things went wrong, apart from how we planned it. However through these events God taught me that there's only so much we can plan. We can plan every minute of it, but if it doesn't go exactly the way we planned it, it's okay. It was more important for us to enjoy the banquet than become obsessed with how everything was turning out compared to the original plan. During the night the "serious" video we made for the seniors lagged like crazy and we couldn't convert the video we made on the apple to .avi to watch on the computer screen, but in the end, it was all okay. (But I seriously always have video compatibility problems whenever I work on a video. It's so frustrating.)

I thought it was really cool when there were just enough forks for all of us when we were handing out the cheesecake. God provides! We were wondering if there were enough forks before the night began. (:

As I sat listening to each person speak about the seniors, I saw how valuable each person was. God wants to take each and every single one of them on a great journey. However they have to choose to live for Him. If they choose His way, their lives are going to be so powerful and amazing.

Well, I hope the seniors, soon-to-be freshmen enjoyed the banquet. (:

high school: part 4

"I humble myself down

I say you’re greater than all I am

your perfect way

makes path for my life

I’m holding tight,

trusting you with all my heart;

the road you’ll take me

is not my way

but greater is your way

it’s the perfect way."

I found this non-rhyming poem in a file titled "random poems" while cleaning out my flash drive. Apparently I wrote it in 2010 (probably around a year and a half ago). I think this is fitting for the occasion. I would like to declare it to God once again that His way is the perfect way. I have my expectations and dreams, but His are far greater. Therefore this year I want His way to be my way and my way to be His.

High school part four begins tomorrow. As I get older, each year seems just like a continuation of the last. Let's pick up school where we left it. I don't think I have a lot of classes with my friends this year, but it's okay. I'll make new friends! (:

God,  I entrust this year to you. 

vision

Vision.

As I thought about this word, the first thing that came up to my mind was my physical vision. My eyes allow me to see what is ahead of me and that is what you would call vision. However I would like to talk about the other type of vision—the one you can’t see. Throughout the summer God has been teaching me the importance of having a vision. Proverbs 29:18 –“Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law” kept coming back to my mind from the first time I heard it. I heard M. Joshua give a message on this verse in one of the early morning prayer meeting at church. When I first heard it, I had no idea what it meant.  But as I listened to the message I learned how this verse was talking about having visions in life. I believe visions are given by God. There are real visions people have, seeing pictures and things like that, but I also believe there are visions for your future that God gives you. Through the good and the rough times, visions provide hope.

Why is this important? As the verse says – if we live without having the vision God gives us, we live careless lives. In the summer when I didn’t have any goals or things to do for a period of time, I just did whatever I want. I had no discipline. I lost my vision. As a result, I was lazy. When we lose our vision, we begin to get distracted by all these “good things” that we forget what we were created to do.

I believe having a vision from God comes from knowing God’s heart, which comes from having a relationship with Him. Before you can hold onto the visions that God has given you, you first have to trust that God has the absolute best plans for your future. Because why would you hold onto something from someone who you don’t even trust? If you don’t have a vision for your future, ask God. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). That’s a promise and God doesn’t break his promises.

However if you do have a vision, don’t forget it. It’s so easy for me to forget the promises God has given me when some of them seem so far away, but I need to remember them. I have no idea how God’s promises are going to be fulfilled at the moment, but I’m going to trust Him as Joseph did. What would have happened if Joseph forgot the visions and dreams God had given Him when he was a child? Joseph could have lost hope while he was in prison. Not could have, probably would have. His life would have seemed hopeless and depressing. (You can read more about Joseph here: http://aforbes.blogspot.com/2012/03/vision.html)

side-note:

I want to live with eternity in perspective. As the guest messenger said Saturday – “What is one hundred forty years over infinity?” According to calculus, it’s zero! Our life on earth is so short compared to eternity. So as the new school year starts, I want to focus on what matters. I need to focus on what matters -- loving people the way Christ loved me.

Hold onto the vision God has given you.

another lesson learned

"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you be victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests."

- Psalm 20:1-5

Every time I lose something, I learn sooo much. But I hate losing things. So I was at Target on Tuesday. I wanted to back to school shopping and see what was on sale. So my dad and my sister dropped me off at Target while my sister went to her swimming lesson. So then I went in line and bought a few things - agenda book, etc. Then I went to the area near the Starbucks inside the Target to read and wait for my dad and sister. When they came, I gathered my things and we went around Target one more time for my sister's supplies. Apparently I left my wallet on the counter when I left, except I didn't know that. Then we went to Staples and then went home. When I opened my bag to get my permit before my first driving lesson, what did I find? Or should I say, what did I not find? As you can guess - my wallet. My driving instructor, Gary, came at one o'clock, waiting for me, and here I was looking for my wallet that had my permit in it. Thankfully he was chill and let me drive. After I came back from driving, I still couldn't find my wallet. It was really sad. I called Target and Staples but they didn't see a red and white wallet in the lost-and-found. I seriously think I called Target like ten times.

I prayed about it and I really did not want to go to the MVA to go get another permit. I prayed to God that he would raise one honest person to find my wallet and return it to me. I remember that I felt like I should go to Psalm 20 - the Psalm for that day and so I read it (it's on the top). It's so good.

However, waiting is hard, especially when you don't know what's going to happen in the future. So here I was, waiting, but seeing nothing. Every time Gary asked me for my permit, I would have to explain to him how I lost my wallet. I was trying to figure out - did I lose it? Did someone steal it? There's nothing in my wallet that you can really steal. Anyways while I was waiting, I was looking up information on how to get another permit and whatnot. On the first day that I lost my wallet, the problem was consuming me. When I lose things, God brings me to a place where I have to come to him because there's nothing that I can do. One part of me really wanted to just go to the MVA right away to get another permit, but another part of me told me to wait. I remembered how I bought a pre-calc book online because I lost my math book but then later found it. What if I just bought another permit and I just found my permit?

Well, Tuesday passed, Wednesday passed, Thursday passed, and here we are at Friday. After Wednesday, I gave it up to God and decided to wait on Him. You know when you pray for things, you're supposed to believe it. So I was trying to believe in Him, hoping that someone would knock on the door. There have been a few unfamiliar knocks the past few days but none of the people came to give my wallet back. So today I was sitting at my table, writing something and I hear someone knocking. My dad answered the door and I was trying to figure out who it was. Then I heard something about my wallet and voila, there's my wallet! AHHH. This is definitely the work of God. (:

As I said, through losing things, I learn so much. God showed me the wonderful ways he works. He taught me to wait on Him rather than trying to figure out things on my own. He showed me that He listens & answers my prayers. He taught me to trust Him even more. As senior year comes with college applications and whatnot, he wants me to trust Him because He has the best plans for me, not me. 

I hope you guys also know that God has the best plans for you. The plans you have for your future might be great and amazing, but they can't be better than the plans God has for you guys. And He does listen to our prayers (well if we're right with him). He wants you to trust Him with everything because He's going to make your story beautiful!

God is good? All the time!

Open Arms

It's really easy for me to be judgmental. When I try not to be judgmental, I find myself judging others for being so judgmental. Then it leaves me just where I started.

However, God has been teaching me to just accept people as they are. He wants me to let go of the first impressions I have of them - whether I think they're crazy, weird, or friendly. He wants me to accept each person as they are. He wants me to love them. Trying not to judge people merely to not judge is extremely hard; however, when you begin to love others, that's when you stop judging people.

I used to wonder - how do people love strangers, people they just met? Jesus did it all the time. He genuinely loved people he just met on the street everyday. If it was that often, was it really genuine? I believe it was. But how did He do it? Jesus knew who he was - God's son and He knew God's heart. He knew how much God loved Him and he knew how much God loved His people. To be able to love, you must first be loved. Jesus, the Son of God, died on the cross for my sins. As I am getting older, I am realizing how much more sinful I actually am than I thought I was. There are so many flaws in me, yet Jesus chose to die on the cross for me. What kind of love is that? Now that I know I have been loved by God, He is calling me to do the same - to love others as he loved me. That's the second greatest commandment. In words, it seems so simple. Yet in reality, it takes everything in me to love other people as I have been loved. Sometimes it takes everything in me to be selfless, to obey my parents, to start a conversation with someone, etc. It is so hard, yet worth it all. Jesus experienced excruciating pain while dying for us in the cross. If love was his motivation, it must be worth more than all the pain he went through. Right? Going back to the original question - how do people love strangers? Well, most people don't. I usually don't either, but it's still an ongoing-learning process! However when people from Chicago came to visit our Washington ministry, I learned so much by simply being with them and observing others around me. We never met these people before, but the missionaries came together and cooked a whole meal for 20+ people. Who does that? Truthfully it was really awkward in the beginning, but I learned to love them. Though they were pretty crazy, I loved the time I got to spend with them. I was able to go to DC with them the next day and I actually really liked visiting the art museums I have never been to before. Being with them also taught me how amazing it is to be part of God's family. We are really one under Christ though we are different nationalities, live in different places, have different interests, and etc.

Therefore, because Christians have been deeply loved by Christ, they are able to love strangers.

photoshoot with the friends (:

Twenty-thirteen. AHHHH.

Kristen: "One, three, four? What does this mean?"

I love this one. She's so photogenic. (:

The indian-pose!

Words

Words are extremely, extremely important. Yes, I just repeated the word "extremely" because that's how important words are. Words are used to communicate with others through speaking, writing, signing, and more. Today I want to focus on the speaking part.

"I'm tired."
"I don't want to do this."
"This isn't going to work."
"Why are we doing this?"
"This sucks."
"I can't do this."

How many times have I uttered these words out of my mouth? Probably far too many for me to count. I realized that I easily mutter out these comments sometimes unknowing and sometimes knowingly. These simple comments can be quite discouraging to other people or even to myself. I am learning and realizing that what I say is extremely important. Sometimes I say things jokingly, not meaning any harm, but I might hurt someone through the words I speak. Also when I say discouraging things, I am also declaring it over myself. What I say over my life is important as well. When I say "I can't do this," of course I can't do this because as soon as I uttered these words out of my mouth, I have already given up!

I pray that I may glorify God through the words I speak. In James chapter three, it talks about taming the time. "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

Wow. Also if you have the time, check this out"

"Watch What You Say" - by Pastor Stephen Chandler:  www.vimeo.com/46634610

I want to be able to speak encouraging words that will help them grow in their relationship with God. It's really hard to tame my tongue. But as God teaches me more about taming my tongue, I encourage you guys to do so as well. Taking a line from the Halls Wrapper, "Turn your can dos, into can did!" (: