Come to Me

While scrolling through my instagram, I somehow ran into this blog post. Titled, "Lies, Fears, & Anxiety," it was a post that I could really relate to. (You can read the post here) These past few months have been really difficult for me, more difficult than usual (although you may be say - "Grace, you always say this"). This blog post I read today was such a good reminder that I am to come before the Lord whether I am doing well or whether I am struggling. I forget that yes, the enemy is doing everything he can to watch me fail. Yet, despite any life circumstances, I am to cling to Jesus no matter my circumstances. But it's hard. It's hard because it requires vulnerability and humility. It requires me to admit that without Jesus, I am nothing. Jesus promised in John 15 - "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." Every semester I try to do things on my own, in small or large ways, but I always reach a point where mentally and physically cannot do it on my own. And I have to say - it truly is only by God's grace that I have done well in my last semesters and I entrust Him this semester as well. I honestly can only offer Him the little that I have (like five loaves and two fish) and see that God is faithful to provide all that I need.

This semester's YDJ study on the book of Ephesians has been really encouraging as we deeply studied each passage and what it meant to live out our Christian lives. Last Friday we discussed Christian work ethics and how we should live out our lives to glorify God. I think Ephesians 6:7 summarizes it very well - "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free." Studying this passage really convicted me as God asked me - "where's your heart, Grace?" I was reminded again that unlike people, God looks at the heart. As the lyrics to the song Heart of Worship says - "I'll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you require. You search much deeper than this, for the way things appear, you're looking into my heart." I can do everything that a Christian should do. I can attend all the Bible studies, pray, read the Bible, sing during praise that you may look at me and think that I'm doing well. You may never know the difference. But God, he looks at my heart. And if my heart is not right before God or if my motives are not right, everything I am doing is meaningless. So I want my heart to be right before God. I want to do all that I am doing not because others are looking, but because I am serving the great God. A few weeks ago I watched Whiplash with a couple of people from YDJ (For some reason I can't seem to embed any videos, so I hyperlinked all the videos). It was about this guy who aspires to be a great drummer. He gives up everything in order to achieve his goal. After I watched this movie, I thought - "If this guy can give up everything to become the greatest drummer, how should I be living?" This guy practiced so much that he was bleeding and when he was bleeding, he kept practicing. I don't think it was meant to be inspirational, but I think it was in a sense, inspirational.

Sometime in the last month or two months, I also watched this message by Francis Chan titled - "Giving God Our Best." I want to give God my best because He deserves my best. I've been thinking about what it means to give my best to God and I think it ties well with the YDJ meeting on Christian work ethics. It's easy to separate work and school with church. Work and school is on the weekdays while church is on the weekend. However, we can't compartmentalize God and serve God only on the weekends. I believe it also all comes down to where your heart is and who you are serving. Are you serving God? Yourself? Others? I realized that I want to serve God not just on the weekend, but with my school work as well because right now, I am a student. This next thought is me stating the obvious, but I realized that not everyone can and not everyone will be pastors when they grow up. I think in the church, there's a hierarchy with the pastor at the top, then elders, leaders, and then just the rest of the congregation. I realized that people are called to do different things and we can't look down on one person for not doing this one thing when she or he may be called by God to do something else. By doing our work wholeheartedly for God, we reflect Christ and bring glory to him.

I'm also learning what it means to hope for others. It's amazing how God chose me in my worst. He embraced me in my worst, loved me, and he had hope for me. And I want to do the same. I want to see how God sees others and despite what I may see right in front of me, I want to hope for their futures because God is good and He is faithful. I love how God invites me to come and holds me not only when I'm doing well, but also when I am struggling.

During missions Bible studies, M. Elijah encouraged us to hold into God's promises and here are some of God's promises.

Uganda in 1 month!

thoughts

Today Aug gave the youth group message on Romans 16 and spoke about the importance of godly friendships and it reminded me of an article I read a few months ago. I remember thinking - "this is a really good article" so I thought I would share it on my blog! You can find the article here. All four points are really good but the one that stuck out to me when I first read it was - "In order to be a friend, you must seek to know and be known." In PSYC100, I learned that there's a theory that everyone wants to feel like they belong. I believe that when you seek to know and be know, you're seeking intimacy. We also just had a message on how Jesus called the twelve as his disciples. I think it's amazing that he called them so that they could be with him. The disciples spent the next three years really getting to know Jesus. They followed him wherever he went, ate with him, slept in the same place as him, and just did life with him. This was such a privilege! What amazes me more is that Jesus wanted the disciples to be with him. As a result, the disciples had an intimate relationship with Jesus. I'm sure no one knew Jesus better than his disciples because they followed him wherever he went. In the same way, it's amazing that Jesus desires to have an intimate relationship with me. I also realized that when you keep walking with Jesus, your life cannot be the same. Like the CBF song says -

"little by little everyday,

little by little everywhere my Jesus is changing me 

...I'm not the same old boring person that I used to be."

and so, Jesus is continually changing me to become more like him. Also I believe that godly friends will point you to Jesus. 

hm, there's more that I want to say, but it's really hard to form it into coherent sentences at the moment. I've also been learning a lot of interesting things in my Human Development class. We learned about four different types of parenting. The best type of parenting according to research is the authoritative parenting style. These parents have high demandingness & control but also high acceptance & responsiveness. They will set boundaries for their children but let them explore within the boundaries. After learning about different parenting styles, I realized that God has the best parenting style - and he is the best father.

My Parents

Whenever you live with someone, you come to know their strengths and weaknesses very well (especially their weaknesses!). Growing up, it was hard for me to understand my parents at times (it still is at times), but I am continually learning to appreciate them more and more. It's easy to recognize and dwell on their weaknesses at times, but I am learning how important it is to cover each other's weaknesses. I don't know their full stories, but I have learned a lot by simply observing how they live by faith. Therefore I thought I would write a blog post honoring them and sharing what I have learned from them.

When I look back, I realized that my family permanently moved to the United States around the age when my parents should have been building up their careers. My mom's faith and calling to live in United States brought my family to California, and eventually Maryland. In California, we lived in a dusty apartment, rented out to us from the hospital my mom was working in. By first going to Brawley, California, we were able to receive a green card. While my mom worked as a nurse at a nursing home, my dad stayed at home for a year and took care of my sister and me. I remember while I was growing up, we did not have much money. We never really went out to eat and I grew up very conscious of our finances. For example, I remember wanting to have music lessons, but I had to wait a couple of years because we could not afford it at the time. But through this, I learned that I could not get what I wanted whenever I wanted it and moreover, I was so grateful when I could get piano & violin lessons.

You may or may not already know this, but when my sister was around 1, she got really sick with the Kawasaki Disease. So when we moved to Maryland, my dad decided to go back to school and become a nurse. I never thought much of it, but now looking back, it's pretty amazing how he went back to college and graduated #2 from his nursing class! Even though my parents never told me to work hard, I learned by observing them that it is important to work hard in all you do. My dad is so patient and so wise. Whenever I was confused or frustrated by my schoolwork (up to high school) he would help me. Even when I demanded things and yelled in frustration, he would be patient with me. I remember we used to do my 2nd grade analogy homework together (when you don't know english, analogies are soo hard, haha). On top of working as a nurse, he serves our church as one of the financial heads. I really don't know what he does, but I know he takes care of the church's budget. He also takes care of the finance of my family. Since he grew up in the farms really poor, my dad doesn't really go shopping or buying unnecessary things. Also he's the best person to go to when I'm sick because he takes care of me. (:

In the last 10 years or so that we lived in this house, we have lived with all kinds of people. There were some pleasant and not so pleasant days. But I think it really reflects my mom's big heart in opening our home to others who are in need. Honestly we don't have the prettiest or nicest house, but we do have a lot of rooms. For example, in February, a family of five from Korea lived with us for a whole month. Before they came to America, we didn't even know them! It doesn't really make sense why would you invite someone you don't even know to live in your house for a whole month, but I believe it reflects Jesus' heart. My mom also really likes to garden, which takes a lot of work. But my family enjoys the fruit of her labor in the summer time with sesame leaves, peppers, cherry tomatoes, sunflower seeds, and whatever else she plants for the year! She works, gardens, cleans, cooks, teaches the Bible, and does so many things. Also I am thankful for her care and prayers beacuse I really believe that no one else will pray for you like your mom will.

I thank God for my parents and their continuous support for me - in prayer, love, patience, finances, etc.

Also it's official! I'll be going to Uganda with Anna from May 26th until July 21st (the airplane tickets are booked!). Last Saturday, we began mission training last Saturday with M. Elijah. Please keep us in your prayers. I am sooo exciteeeed (I haven't been this excited in a while)! We'll be volunteering at the Bethesda Hospital in Uganda, but other than that, I really don't know.

What's Your Calling?

After I gave a message to the youth group, the question "What's your calling?" kept replaying in my mind. When God met Paul on the road to Damascus, his life changed 180 degrees. Paul wholeheartedly took on his calling to preach the gospel to the Jews and to the Gentiles. Wherever the Holy Spirit led him, he preached to everyone so that they could know Jesus and be saved. Whether he was rich or poor, he was content because of his relationship with Jesus. He even preached to others in prison! Paul's passion for preaching the gospel is truly inspiring. So then, the question "what's your calling?" kept replaying in my mind.

While thinking of these things, I remembered how I became a youth group teacher. I don't think I ever shared this story with anyone, so I thought it would be a good one to share. (:

A month before I became a youth group teacher, I attended the Grace Retreat as a photographer and as part of the young adult track. I have always been so blessed by attending the Grace Retreat, and last year was no different. I remember attending the prophecy seminar with my small group and the person leading the seminar told us to ask God what our hearts looked like. I remember seeing my heart, but instead of a full heart, I saw the top of one side missing. I asked God what it meant. I'm not sure exactly what it meant, but He showed me that although I already knew what I liked and didn't like to do, there was much more that He wanted to show me. And from then on, God began opening my heart for the youth group. I remember thinking during and after the retreat, "If Aug asks me to be a youth group teacher, I'll say yes." Even before Aug invited me to become a youth group teacher, God was already moving my heart! In August, Aug asked me to become a youth group teacher and I said yes! It's been difficult, but also fulfilling. I love getting to know the girls in my class and just seeing them grow in their faith is such an encouragement to me. There are other callings God has placed in my heart and I don't know when or how they're going to unfold, but I know that all I have to do is say yes to the things he asks me to do now.

I'm always amazed by God's perfect timing and His perfect plan when we say yes to Him. I love how he orchestrates all the little details that no one else cares about. I love how God created the heavens and the earth, sea, land, animals, and everything on the earth before he created mankind.

Sometimes I get boggled down by the overwhelming amount of schoolwork on top of everything that I forget my calling and purpose in life. My purpose is to love and to be loved by God and enjoy him forever. 1 Corinthians 15:58 has also been really encouraging. It says, "Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

On the side note, I've been following this lent study by shereadstruth.com.

Also this year God is teaching me to hope - to hope in Him, to hope for others, to hope for my future, to hope when I can't see anything in front of me.