refining

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I don't quite understand how God works. But it's okay.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9).

A few days ago, I told my sister - "I feel like God is refining me this season." He's refining my character. He's refining my trust in Him. He's refining my desires. It has been hard. It has been really really hard for me the last couple of months. But I know God's teaching me something greater than what I can comprehend and see right now. I'm learning more than ever that God is sovereign. God's got everything in control. What I want sometimes isn't what I need. But God is good and he knows what I need. He knows the best for me and He's more concerned with building my character.

Last Sunday I gave the youth group message on Matthew 4. The main three points of my message were:

1. God's word is true.
2. God's word is powerful.
3. God's word never fails.

Oh, it's one thing to know in my mind, but another to experience it in my life. I took the MCAT on August 20th and I received my score yesterday. I did not do well. This is not like "oh you probably did okay but you're saying you didn't do well". No, it was really bad, haha. No one should be applying to medical school with this score, haha. If this was three years ago, it probably would have crushed me. Then, my identity and worth were so intertwined with my performance. But through all this, I see how far God has brought me. And honestly, I guess I underestimated how hard the MCAT is and inadequately studied for it (I thought I could do it in 3 weeks...). It's humbling. Although it was honestly soo disappointing (there were many tears), I know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him. And I found greater peace and joy in Him. I can't do anything about it right now, so I am enjoying my last semester as an undergrad. Right now life is busy, yet simple. I have quiet time, go to lectures, do homework, teach genetics, study, go to the gym, go to lab, etc. Although I don't quite understand what God is doing in my heart and in my life, I am clinging onto His word. God is good. All the time. God is sovereign. I believe He has the best in store for me. 

Even though I didn't do well on the MCAT this first time around, I wouldn't trade the experiences from this summer for a better MCAT score. God took me deeper in my faith and I saw young ones experience God like never before. It was so worth it.

I know He's writing a story better and greater than I can imagine. God's got this. God's got me in His hands.