lessons

After the end of my freshman year at the University of Maryland, I intended to write a blogpost of what I learned from my freshman year and my experience as a commuter. I never got around to it and now I'm in the middle of my junior year/beginning of senior year. I have seen several blog posts that share the life of a commuting students that were relatable and hilarious. So rather than just sharing tidbits from my commuting life, I want to share my experience and the lesson that I learned since I began college. I would say that going to college taught me a lot more about life (it's not just about studying - surprise). I hope you can relate to them!

Here we go:

1. Buy rain boots! I don't know why but I waited until the summer before my sophomore year to buy rain boots. I personally hate wet sock. Just the thought of cold, wet socks + shoes make me feel uncomfortable. And it just ruins your whole day! It tends to rain a lot in Maryland (it rains whether it's spring, summer, fall, or winter) and because there are so many hills and crevices on campus, your sneakers are bound to get wet! The Hornbake Plaza gets flooded whenever it rains. So if you're ever walking through it, your shoes are bound to get wet.
2. It doesn't matter what other people are doing. Unlike high school, when everyone is on the same level and on the same track, in college, everyone is doing something different. Being pre-med, I often felt overwhelmed because it always felt like I was behind. I wasn't studying hard enough, volunteering enough, researching enough, doing enough extracurricular activities, etc. And then I came to this conclusion - it doesn't matter what other people are doing. But it does matter how I am living my life. Am I following God? Am I becoming more like Him? Am I doing what I need to do?
3. It doesn't matter what you do. It matters who you are. This past semester, I was just so busy day after day, week after week. Then I stopped for a moment. And I realized I had not asked anyone - "how are you doing?" in quite a long time. Not like a casual "how are you doing?" "I'm fine" but like the "how are you really doing" question. As I thought about how Jesus did his ministry, it hit me pretty hard. Jesus always stopped for the one. No matter how busy he was, he intentionally went on about his day to stop for one person. How crazy is that? He went out of his way to meet the Samaritan woman. In the parable Jesus illustrated, the shepherd went after the one lost sheep when there were ninety-nine other sheep around. In this moment, I realized that I was doing so many things, but I was not satisfied. I was serving God in so many ways and doing so many things, but I was left feeling empty. I wasn't becoming more like Jesus. Rather, I was consumed by doing one thing after the another and I was becoming ungrateful. It's quite different to know what someone does and to know who he or she is. For example, people say "Grace, I really like your pictures!" but it's quite different if someone tells me - "Grace, you are insert a characteristic here." The first person knows what I do, but the latter person knows who I am. I believe that God created people to know and to be known so I believe there's something special about knowing someone really well. I suppose it all ties into what God has been teaching me about spending time with Him and coming to know who He really is. I suppose this is why many will come to Him and say "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive our demons and in your name perform many miracles?" (Matthew 7:22). Although they will do things, they will not know God or really, His heart. I pray that we will really come to know who God is - because he is so kind, loving, powerful, and SO good. (Sorry this point ran a little long. I have a draft blog post called "Stopping For One" that I intended to write but it became this instead, haha.)
4. Did you know you can buy hot water at the coffee bar or at any cafes around campus for 27 cents (including tax)? Why buy tea when you can just buy hot water? I usually carry around a tea bag just in case I feel like drinking something hot! Also tapingo's a new app that I like to use to buy coffee (thanks Hannah for introducing it to me). You tap + go (clever). You order your coffee online and just pick it up! Also I should have started using Terrapin Express earlier (because you don't have to pay tax at certain stores like Chick-fil-A). It's super easy to refill your Terrapin Express online! I also heard that there's a free printing on the 2nd or 3rd floor of the chemistry building if you bring your own paper, but I never actually found it.
5. As a commuter, your life will look different. And it's okay. Freshman year was really tough for me. (I think I just have a more difficult time than others in adjusting to new things. But then after I adjust, I end up loving it.) Although I knew a lot of people from high school that went to UMCP, it was still different. I didn't get to have a crazy roommate or experience any of the "college" things such as moving in, making new friends in the same dorm, and do crazy college things. But now that I look back, I am so thankful for all that God taught me through it. Looking back, it's pretty funny, but at the moment it really wasn't. My mom would say one thing and I would burst into tears. But through it, God was sorting out things in me. In the beginning, I struggled to find my place in such a big campus, but God taught me a lot. I didn't realize that I wanted to be independent from my parents, but by living at home, I learned to appreciate my parents in greater ways and to really develop a strong relationship with my sister.
6. It's okay to not have everything together (here's a secret: no one really has it all together). You're officially an adult (or should be soon) and I felt a pressure to have things together. To know what I was going to pursue, to know when I was going to do what, to know how to cook, to know how to fill in the blank here. But I realized it's only the beginning. Rather than looking at this time as the end of the teenage years, I realized that it's more hopeful to look at it as the beginning of my twenties. There's plenty of room to grow in the years to come. Be humble and be constantly willing to learn and become better at whatever you do.
7. "You can do anything but not everything." Growing up, my mom would say that I have a lot of 욕심 (yok-shim), which means greed (although it may be used in a different context than the word greed is used in English). I do have a lot of things I want to learn and do, but yes, you cannot do everything. In order to become good at something, you have to forego trying to be good at everything.
8. It's okay to say "no." I have a hard time saying no, so this was a bit difficult for me to learn but you cannot say yes to everything. Or else at a certain point, you'll feel like you're being pulled into million pieces.
9. Know your worth. This one is harder said than done, but know who God is and know who God says you are. It will affect the decisions that you make and what you accept from people. As the famous quote says "We accept the kind of love we think we deserve."
10. There's a season for everything. Sometimes you'll do things only for a season and some people will only be there for a season. Other times, you'll do things for a life time and some people will stick around for a lifetime. As I was sitting in on my sister's violin lesson today, I realized how important playing the violin was during high school. I really enjoyed it. Also I really enjoyed playing piano for the praise team in high school. Although I loved playing the piano and violin, I don't get to as much as I did in high school. And it's okay (and as #7 says, you can't do everything).
11. Invest in people (not on like 50 people, but on a few). Get to really know them. You should spend time with people wiser than you and learn from them. You should spend time with people you're running with. But I also believe you should be spending time mentoring someone younger than you. I see now more than ever how important it is for an older person to reach out to mentor someone younger than them (whether it's 1 person or more). It really does make a difference.
12. Take care of your health! This means physically as well as mentally! Mental health is as important as physical health. I never experienced so much stress until I went to college. Although I can never make it to the gym regularly, I learned that it's important to try to sleep 7-8 hours every night and eat regularly. There's no "lunch time" so sometimes I would skip lunch during my freshman year when I was too busy, but oh boy, that was not a good idea. I had a lot of acid in my stomach and got really sick. So now I make sure I eat lunch every day!
13. You are not defined by your grades.
14. Spend a little more and buy clothes you really really like. I would often buy things "because it was on sale" but I wouldn't really like it. Guess what happened to those things. Nothing. They sit in my closet because I never wear them. So even though I bought them "on sale," I just wasted money. Now I don't buy something unless I really like it. :)
15. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Be kind to everyone you meet, but you don't have to tell everyone everything. Be wise in who you surround yourself with because you're going to become more like them.
16. God is Sovereign. As the Fall 2015 semester began, I heard these word repeat over and over in my head for a few days - "everything has changed" in tune with Taylor Swift's song. I believe it was from God. Although nothing changed outwardly, there was a change in my heart. I had been working so hard - to meet all the requirements to apply to medical school that in the midst of all the hard work, I forgot it was God who called me to be a doctor. This is not for my own glory. Rather, it's for His. I became very anxious freshman and sophomore year, but as the semester began "everything changed." Even though Mamm Phys was hard and I didn't get an A, I was okay. Because it was God who called me to be here. And it's God who will take me to the medical school he wants me to go to. I have newfound confidence that God will guide my steps every step of the way as long as I trust Him. It's no longer "I want to be a doctor" or "I might be a doctor." But in God's time, I will be a doctor. Honestly, it's a crazy journey and as I said in #3, it doesn't matter what you do but who you are. 
17. Value what you have in God. What you have in God is far greater than anything this world can offer! It's true!
18. Don't buy books from the school book store. Unless you have to (like a lab book). Oh, and there are always old exams esp. for chemistry classes! College changed the way I studied...

These are all that I could think of at this moment. Phew, I finally wrote it! I know I've been blogging more than usual. I finally have time to sit and write out the ideas that have been on my mind for a few months now. Also I changed my blog layout. :)

2016 Key Verse Testimony

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4).

"He appointed twelve that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons." (Mark 3: 14-15)

It's hard to believe that 2015 has already come and gone. In 2015 I experienced my hardest semester (yet) in college (spring 2014), a summer in Uganda, and the hardest class (mamm phys) that I have taken in college so far.  Spring 2014 challenged me intellectually, physically, and mentally. But through it all, God taught me to hope in Him and He taught me what it means to hope in Him and what it means to hope for others. After I attended the youth group winter retreat in February, I had my first biochemistry exam the following Monday. Unfortunately, I failed my first exam. Then I really struggled to trust the promise God gives in Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first His kingdom an His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Didn't God promise that if I sought His kingdom first, He would take care of the rest? But through a lot of struggling, by God's grace, I ended up doing well in the class. Through it all, God taught me to place my hope in Him and not on my abilities or strength.

Living in Uganda taught me to live, independently for a bit and it taught me to treasure my quiet time with God. This past semester also went by so quickly that I can't believe it's already gone. But I am so thankful for the opportunities I had this year. Through them I learned and grew a lot. Some of them include the following: being a youth group teacher, beginning a youth group media team, having Bible studies with Helena, and giving a YDJ presentation on the life of Jacob. We began a media team this school year and I have seen the girls learn and grow. My hope is that this generation will grow to use their talents to serve and glorify God in all areas of media (photography, videography, etc) - esp. in the time and age when media is such a powerful tool with social media. Also, I am hoping that they will be able to help during conferences in the upcoming years. I was also really blessed to serve as a messenger for the YDJ retreat. Through preparing the message, God really taught me the purpose of discipleship and what it means to be His disciple. Whenever I think about it, it's crazy that God can use me - and that he does use me to further His kingdom. It's crazy but it's also so exciting when you say "yes" to God! More than what I had to offer, I believe that the Holy Spirit came and moved in people's hearts during the retreat.

My last year's key verse was Philippians 2:3-4 - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." In the beginning of 2015, and even before that, I realized that it's really easy for me to be jealous of others. And more than the things others had that I didn't, jealousy was rather a reflection of my heart. And somehow I bought into the lie that if I valued others above myself, then my own value would diminish. It's hard to admit it because sounds silly when I say it (type it) out loud. I suppose that's why it's called a lie. Anyway, throughout various situations and circumstances in 2015, God taught me to value and considers other above myself. I made effort to try to consider my parents more and tried to engage in conversations with others and to find out something interesting about them. By the end of the year, I see that Paul taught the church of Philippi to value others above themselves for the benefit of the church as a whole. Surprisingly, I found joy when I considered others above myself. I found that valuing others above me and considering their ideas and thoughts above my ideas and thoughts didn't make me below them. Nor did it make me better or higher than anyone. But it taught me to be humble and rightly see my place. I also learned to see people as God created them to be (although this is still an ever learning process), God taught me to hope for others and in their futures. In the same way Jesus had hope for the disciples from the very beginning, I desire to hope in and for others no matter what I see in their lives at the moment.

For 2016, I chose Mark 3:14-15 - "He appointed twelve that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons"- as my key verse. I don't know what this year will bring. But as I was preparing my message + listening to Dr. Ezra Cho's lecture at the retreat, I was challenged to meditate on the Word of God. I really like the analogy of the five fingers. We memorize, study, read, and hear the word of God. But if we do not spend time to meditate (the thumb) on the passage we heard or studied, whatever we learned will soon slip away. As a disciple, it is imperative to spend time with Jesus, preach, and to have authority. But before I can preach, I must know Jesus. And to know Jesus, I must spend time with him and meditate on the Word of god. I pray that I may be able to read the Bible regularly and mediate on what it says to come to know even more deeply who Jesus is.

There are directions I need to pray for the upcoming year - media team direction, MCAT preparations, youth group winter treat, youth group mission trip, my last 2 semesters in college, and whatever ends up coming in the way. But through it all, I pray that I may experience more of God's presence this year. I pray that I may lay down all my fears, worries, insecurities and trust that He is leading me exactly where He wants me to be in His perfect timing. In addition, as a disciple, I want to share the gospel with my friends and count everything a loss compared to knowing Jesus.

YDJ Winter Retreat 2015 Message

I just wanted to share the message I gave at the YDJ retreat from Dec 31 - Jan 2 this year!

Group photo with 50 + attendees!

Books Read

I wanted to compile a list of books I recently read (recently meaning last week or last month or last year, haha)

1. Hudson Taylor by Christina Vance. I believe this is the version I read over the summer in Uganda (that I borrowed from a missionary) but I'm not 100% sure. But Hudson Taylor's life of mission was so inspiring.
2. You and Me Forever by Francis Chan. In this book, Francis and Lisa Chan speaks about marriage in light of eternity. If you're interested, you can read the book here. Here's an excerpt: "I know this is supposed to be a book about marriage, but forget about people for a moment. Let's focus on something bigger: God. Focus on something more important: your relationship with God. This relationship is far more critical than your marriage, and it's everlasting...we all need to prioritize our eternal relationship with our Creator above all things. Besides, until you relate properly to God, you won't be much help to anyone else." Francis Chan also emphasizes the importance of living a mission-focused life, which was really convicting.
3. Hot Lights, Cold Steel by Michael J. Collins, M.D. I just finished reading this book today! I'm amazed by how Dr. Collins documented his 4 years of residency in great detail. It was really eye-opening to read the 4 years of residency he experienced at the Mayo Clinic, one of the most prestigious hospitals in the US. This except was written even before the first page of the book, but I really liked it. "We start here, and we go there. But it's not that simple, is it? Our paths may be circuitous or direct. We may gaze excitedly ahead, or cast our eyes regretfully behind. Until we reach our destination it exists only in our own minds. It is what we have imagined it to be. And yet we tend to neglect the journey, which is real, in favor of the destination, which is not. For too long I neglected this journey. It was an obstacle to be overcome, an ordeal to be endured; for I had never chosen the journey, I had chosen the destination. But now that the journey has ended, I have discovered that here isn't so important after all. I find myself looking back with particular fondness for how I got here."
4. I Hope It's Not Hereditary by Jedidiah Hartley. This was a compilation of stories of Bob Hartley's childhood/teenage/college years along with stories from Jedidiah's point of view. The stories are crazy, hilarious, and intriguing to read. There are some crazy stories, but I would say the climax of the biography was when God met Bob - how much God loved Bob despite what he did. When I read the book, I was amazed by how God met him and how God used strangers to help Bob come to know who God was. Bob Hartley's life continues to inspire others and is FULL of hope! The book really helped me to have hope for others.
5. The Reason for God by Timothy Keller. This was my first book I read by Timothy Keller. Honestly, it was kind of hard to get through and I don't exactly remember the content of it, but I remember some parts of it being interesting.
6. Everything I Learned in Med School: Besides All the Book Stuff by Sujay Kansagra, M.D. I had to return it to the library before I could finish it, so I only read half of it, but it was really good. A short book with with a lot of insight. It made me realize that the field medicine will always have a hierarchy even when you're in med school and even when you're a doctor. 

Here are the books I read in the last year (majority of the books in the last semester). I would love to hear what books you have read and if you have any book recommendations! Currently I'm planning to read Into Africa, a biography of David Livingstone (a missionary to Africa). 

Renwick Gallery

I really wanted to go to the Renwick Gallery in DC after seeing cool instagram posts of my friends going there (and I love art museums!) When we were arrived, we were really surprised by the super long line to enter the museum (I suppose, we did go on a Saturday. I also thought there would be more exhibits, but I'm glad I went!) While I was taking and editing pictures, I realized it has been a while since I've taken pictures just for fun. I hope to take and edit more creative pictures this year by experimenting with new types of photography, techniques, and editing styles!

It was right across from the White House!