running the race

priorities, passion, pursue, persevere, relentless, confidence

These are the words that have been popping up in my life in some way or another. I could elongate this post by writing a paragraph for each one, but I won't. Instead, maybe you could use the time you would have spent reading this to think about your priorities, your passion, and your pursuit. Yeah, these are not all nouns, haha. Are you persevering? Are you being relentless, running after God with everything you have? What do you have your confidence in?

God is definitely teaching me so much about each of the words up there and learning is hard. It's really hard, but it's not impossible.

I have to keep running the race no matter what happens. I don't want to slow down or stop, but it's not easy, especially when you hit that part when simply running gets hard.

mentality

It's all about the mentality. If you believe you can't do something, you won't be able to do it because you convinced yourself you can't. If you believe that you can, you will find a way for it to work, for it to happen. I need to believe that God can do big things. Why is it so hard?

serenity

I've been sick all week, but I am soo thankful I haven't been seriously sick all year until now. Even though I'm far more tired and busier than I was freshman year, I'm less sick and that's only by God's grace. When I was in school I felt so bad for the people who had to be near me because I was coughing and sneezing. Yuck. Friday and Saturday was the worst part, but hopefully I'll feel better from now on because I don't feel that bad today. (: I feel like whenever I'm sick, God wants me to just be still and rest because I just don't like sitting still. I always feel like I have to be doing something no matter what it is, but when I'm sick, I can't do that. When I'm sick I try to do everything I do when I'm not sick, but I just get worse. Even though I highly dislike being sick, through it all, God teaches me to just rest in him. So after youth service today, I came home and just slept for two hours. I felt sooo much better when I woke up.

What stuck out the most from today's message for me was the analogy of going into deeper waters. There's just so many things coming up right now that I can't do everything. I can spend hours worrying about all the things that are going to come up -- SATs (in two weeks), tests, AP tests, essays, etc, but that's not going do anything. I can try my best to balance everything, but I know that will just fail, because I can't handle everything. I want to be in deeper waters, but being there in reality is actually really scary. I can't reach the bottom even if I try to tippy-toe. All I can do is just waddle and completely trust God, and that's what I need to do right now. Completely trust God. It's really hard, but that's the best. There are things I need to constantly remind myself so I won't forget. There are things the enemy wants me to believe, but I need to keep repeating God's truth over and over so I will remember the truth. I don't want to forget all the things God has done in my life. If God has never left me, why would he leave me now? God can do anything. I have to believe in Him.

I need to claim that life full of joy. I do not need to be afraid when I ask God because I'm not asking as a stranger, but as a daughter. "Ask and it shall be given to you." Jesus, I ask that you may be with me throughout everything. I ask continually for your joy, that my life will be filled with your joy. Would you motivate me continually and I thank you so much for encouraging me when I need it. You are just always so good to me. Jesus, I want to just hand everything to you. Everyday, I need to trust you completely.

God is teaching me about faith. (:

"He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here and to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'" Matthew 17:20

Wisdom -- can only be found in Jesus. Whenever I need answers, I try looking for them on my own. I start depending on other people for answers and help, but that's not where I need look for answers. I need to ask Jesus. I need to seek Him with my whole heart. He will give me knowledge, understanding, wisdom because He has the power to do so, not any other person. He always provides knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. (:

The first time I deactivated my facebook was hard, but this time, it was much easier. I feel like it makes me more aware of my surroundings...when I'm not on facebook. I read more news and I notice other things. It's like my mind is quiet, serene, tranquil.

idea credit: my sister (she told me I had to put this if I was going to upload these, ahahha)

I love...

- when God reveals more of himself to me, even if it's something small
- noticing things others don't
- curry
- Korean food/snacks/bakeries!
- whenever my mom goes grocery shopping because it means yummy food in the house (:
- when I see someone running after God
- studying for the SAT (I'm still trying to convince myself of this one, haha)
- singing praise songs
- being around people who make me laugh
- optimism
- taking/editing pictures
- sunrises and sunsets
- art
- fruits (except kiwi because apparently, I'm allergic to it)
- spring days when everything looks alive -- trees, flowers, people (:
- winter/spring/summer breaks
- unexpected day off of school (though we might get out of school really early this year because we haven't had any snow days!)
- corny jokes/puns
- not having to worry/be anxious about anything
- having God watch my back
- music (though I haven't had lessons for either instruments for a few weeks, which is really bad)
- a good night's rest
- cannnddyyy/chocolate/sweets
- making to-do lists
- being carefree
- reading other people's blogs
- writing out my thoughts

beautiful day

Today is such a beautiful day. It feels like spring that it should be spring. After school today, I was like ah, it's such a beautiful day, I should take pictures. But of what? There's not many flowers blooming, no one's home yet, no one's available, but it's a beautiful day! I asked God, what should I take pictures of? Then as soon as I opened the back door, I see a cat and I'm like "why is there a cat in my backyard." The cat had a tag and it looked like it had an owner. As the cat ran away from me, I saw that there was another one. So there were two cats in my backyard. Maybe it's my neighbors' cats. Who knows? I thought it was really random, haha.

I had this thought today -- think about someone you enjoy talking to, or a good conversation you recently had. Well, I know that when I enjoy a conversation, I'm more into it. If I have something to tell someone, I'm so eager to tell them and just talk to them. I realized that in the same way, that's how God feels. He's eager to talk to me. He's excited to tell me and show me new things! He's eager for me to talk to him when I wake up, but here's the thing. I have to be the same way. A good conversation never goes one way. In fact has to be both ways. So, I want to be eager and enthusiastic to spend time with God everyday because he deserves all my time. (:

Okay, so would you like to see the cat? I couldn't zoom up that far so I had to crop it -- a lot. I zoomed up on the tag and apparently his name is "Panther" if I read it correctly. (: Creepy, but cool.

I like to...

look back at what I was doing a year or two years ago this time of the year.

I read back and looks like I was thinking about lent and classes for the next year. All these memories seem just like yesterday. (: Whenever I look back, I see that God was teaching me to learn to trust him. It was definitely a hard process and it requires me to continually give things up to God, but it's the best way to liveee. ♥
A lot has changed, but I supposed some things stay the same. I gave up facebook freshman year for lent and I think I might do it again. Schedules. AP Physics vs. Organic Chemistry? Orchestra vs. Intermediate Photography? These are the two classes I really really decide on like today or tomorrow. I think I'm going to end up putting them and whatever I get next year, I'll take it. What classes do you want me to take, God? There may be schedule conflicts here and there, but ah, I don't want to think about this. God, I'm just going to write down whatever and would you provide the best schedule for me next year.

I have to keep stopping myself from opening up facebook, lol.

Today we had a guest speaker in TLC. Danny's dad talked about Lent and just humbling ourselves before our Father, and I found it very interesting. He gave us lots of things to think about and ponder about. It's sososo important for us to humble ourselves before God and just draw closer to him. That's what the forty days of Lent's about. I need to spend time with him each day. (:

I woke up this morning and my throat hurt so much. Ah, and I kept coughing throughout the day. I hope no one catches it from me. It's hard to think right now, but push through homework, Grace!

Joanna was born today!

first day

It's the first full day back from the retreat. It's funny because it's like my life has been greatly affected and blessed, but to every one else, it's just an ordinary weekend. I just have this hope and excitement for the future! (: It's hard coming back because I know I've been blessed, but now, what am I going to do with it? Am I going to go back to exactly what I was doing before the weekend? I want to keep growing and keep moving up the mountain, not go back to where I once was. This is tough. Today, I'm just kind of in a daze. I need to catch up doing homework so I'm like half-asleep and half-awake. I ate breakfast and lunch, but took a nap in between because I fell asleep while doing physics homework, haha. Now I just want to fall asleep again, haha. It feels so good sleeping during the day time when I'm sleepy. I don't know why. It just feels soooo good. Maybe because I didn't get adequate amount of sleep over the weekend.

It feels like I've been on spring break or something. (:

It's amazing but at the same time it scares me how fast the year is going by.

funny memory at the Brogi's house yesterday:
Luke J: "Do you like my abs?" (to everyone in the room)
Josiah: "uh...no"

hahahaa (:

time of reflection

This retreat was different, but that probably doesn't say much because every retreat is different.

I suppose I went to the retreat with a burdened heart. Don't get me wrong, I was totally excited for the retreat with all my heart. The anticipation built up as the week was passing by ever so slowly and compared to the pace of the week, the weekend went by like a second. As I write this reflection I can't believe the weekend is over. So, this weekend was different. Why? The Holy Spirit was working in us in a different way as he does something different every year. This retreat wasn't like last year's. No one was violently shaking, falling, or speaking in tongues, but nonetheless, it was special. Another thing is that I didn't bring my camera. For some reason, I didn't feel the need to, and it felt pretty good not taking pictures. Maybe half and half actually, ahaha. It was good to focus on the messages and such. I believe that God was telling me to just know who he is in stillness. There was just so much that happened in the span of 48 hours that this reflection will probably pull things from all sorts of places, haha. It's probably not chronological at all (except the beginning).

Then let's proceed into what stuck out to me. It was good listening to others share today before we left, but I guess I didn't share everything in great details. I feel like I talk all the time anyways, haha. I would say this retreat was thought-provoking. I guess I haven't thought like this or wrote out my thoughts like this in such a long time. It just reminds me of the times I used to write out the little things God was teaching me. Reflecting on what God teaches you is such an important thing.

• Random thought, but I believe people are most beautiful when they are genuinely laughing and smiling. It's just so beautiful, especially in pictures. Professional models are gorgeous and all that, but really, the picture that always stands out to me is one of a person genuinely smiling. That's beautiful. 
• Photography. People have asked me if I wanted to start my own company or pursue it as my career one day, and the answer is, I have no idea. I always thought of it as a hobby. I always imagined myself doing something in the medical field, but I don't know what. Right now, I only have bits and pieces of what God wants me to do in my life and to be truthful, I really don't know how they fit all together. Missions, photography, and career to be determined? But one thing I do know about photography. I want to capture people's smiles through pictures. I want to be able to capture those special moments, but that takes practice because I miss great moments all the time through fumbling through turning on the camera and focusing. I also just love it! I think it's something I need to rededicate to God. It's definitely a talent he has given me and I want to use it to advance his kingdom. I don't want to simply use it to become a "good photographer." I'm not good at taking pictures just because I am. It's definitely from God and all the glory goes to him. As I am writing this, I just remember those times when I was beginning to take pictures in those middle school years. Ah, those days when God would show me a different perspective of him through pictures. I would notice, for example, those simple flowers in my front yard in spring and just be in awe of them. Sounds silly, but I think that's how I began to notice little things about God.
• Freedom. I realized how free we are in Christ. Seriously. I remember only a few years ago, I was cautious and easily worried about what others thought of me. Oh, those awkward middle school years, haha. I feel like now I know more of who I am in Christ. There's so much more to learn, but there's this freedom when you know Christ. It's quite liberating. It's so different from a worldly sense of freedom because in reality, there really isn't complete freedom. To be free is to be free from sin. I remember once my friend told me that now that she is older, she feels as if she can't be carefree and free any more, but we can be free. (:
• Confidence. It's what I needed to hear about this weekend. Confidence in God, that is.
• Life of hopelessness vs. hopefulness. These two lifestyles are completely different; they're polar. Obviously if they're polar, you can only choose one. Before the retreat, I was going back between a life of hopelessness and hopefulness. One day, I would believe that God could do anything, and then the next day, I would just doubt. From that, I conclude that the life of hopefulness is far better and greater. Trust me. The life of hopeless is full of despair and anxiety. It's not the life you want to live. On the other hand, the life of hopefulness is a promising life of victory. Jesus says -- cast your burdens onto me, do not be anxious, do not worry, and so much more. It's a life full of victory and confidence. I have chosen to live a life full of hopefulness and I hope that I can do this for the rest of my life. I know that there will be hard times, but I hope that I can live a life full of hope!
• Joy. If I think back to elementary school, I think I never smiled. Maybe only when I played with my friends, but really, I don't recall smiling often. I was quiet, solemn, and reserved. But now, in comparison, I would say I am a much happier person. Why? Not because of anything I did, but because of what Jesus did! Man, God is such a happy God. Sometimes I find myself just laughing to myself in school or somewhere, looking like an idiot just smiling, haha. I just love the joy that God gives me and the people he has placed around in my life to just make me smile. I believe God wants me to just laugh through the most difficult times of my life. I will be laughing in May...
• Reassurance. When I came to the retreat, it wasn't like I was in a terrible condition spiritually. It was more like I needed to be reassured and hear encouragements and God definitely gave me that.
• SAT is possible and I just need to believe it's possible to do well.
• God is good all the time. It's becomes even more real to me every time I say it. Every day, I am learning that God is so good.
• "and if our God is for us who can ever be against us..." That part of the song stuck out so blatantly - conspicuous! haha (:
• I loved the thing with the envelopes we did, though I wished that I could write a real legit letter for each person, but we were sort of limited by time. 'cause really, wouldn't you get a really thoughtful letter than 100 letters that mean nothing to you? Not saying my letters didn't mean anything! They did mean a lot, lol. It was good getting small notes and letters. It was good giving, but at the same time, it was good receiving. 

I'm losing my train of thought and this is all I can really think of at the moment. I would say I was greatly encouraged this weekend. I'm so excited for the future God has for me and for everyone else as well! Let's claim the life God has for us. Through the hardest times, don't give up! It's going to be worth it all - every single day.

Just smileeeee.

This has got to have been one of my longest posts ever. (:

nap

Too exhausted to think anymore, I gave up trying to study and I went to sleep. The first thought when I woke up was -- "what time is it?" I saw on the wall that it was eight o'clock and I thought it was the morning even though it was dark outside, haha. I was thinking "oh, I have a chemistry test today and I didn't study at all, but retreat today!"

Well, now, I'm sitting here an hour and a half later without any studying done. Well, I did my physics homework which was surprisingly pretty easy. Now I need to study chemistry and pack. I feel the need to study for the SATs, but the more I think about it, I'm like...what do I do. Practice, yes, but I keep making so many mistakes and my motivation is dying out. I need to fight it through!

I should have slept earlier yesterday. I'm telling you naps destroy!

I printed (well, costo printed) pictures that I took with the Canon and it's so much more amazing. The quality just pops out and I'm amazed. I guess that's the difference between and DSLR and point-and-shoot camera.

God is good all the time.

*deep sigh*

Time and time again, I have to remind myself that my future is safe in God's hands. In fact, it's in the safest place when it's all under his control. And time and time again, I have to remind myself that life isn't just about a single test -- how well I did, or how bad I did. I have to remind myself that things aren't going well because of me. It's because of God, what he's doing, not me. I have to remind myself to focus my eyes solely on God, because they like to dart back and forth to him, and to other things. I have to remember to thank God for all the amazing thing he has already done and will do in the future. I have to remind myself that his promises are foolproof -- his peace is far greater than apprehension or anxiety. I have to remember that when I'm in his arms, I'm safe. I have to remind myself that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I have to remind myself that people get tired of reading the same phrase "I have to remind myself," haha, just kidding (even though you might be annoyed). I have to come back to that place again and again, the point of surrendering everything to God. I have to remind myself that life isn't all about school -- it's not about having the best GPA (though I need to do my best) or the highest SAT scores. My worth is not determined by how well I do in school. It's only determined by how God views me.

Jesus, you are so good. You are good, all the time. I think right now, I'm learning to trust you through the good and the bad because your ways are the best. Though I may not feel adequate for certain things that I am in position of, you use me. It always reminds me that day in Mexico. I remember feeling kind of sick that one morning -- I was tired, weak, and not in the best mood, but that day was the day you used us to heal that woman. Jesus, you use me in my weakest moments to do great things to show me that it's not me, but you, who is in control of everything. I thank you that you are able to use me in circumstances like that. I thank you that you are in control of everything. I thank you for the peace and love you give me throughout the day. Ah, yesterday, I kept thinking of praise songs throughout the day and it was amazing. I was able to sing to myself (in my head) throughout the hallways and it reminded me of the prophecy over me from Grace Retreat. Jesus, you said you would be with me through the hallways of school and you are. I thank you that you like to listen to what I have to say. You're always willing to listen when no one else is. (:

Today we shared testimonies in TLC today. (:

I believe that sharing testimonies is very important -- it encourages others, it reminds you of the things God has done for you, and there's so more.

Random -- I thought about this the other day, and I realized something. I love the diversity within a church, a congregation of Christians. There may be people completely different in interests and personalities, but they are bound together by at least one thing. Jesus. And I find that amazing. I find people who are totally different from me that I would have never talked to because we're so different. For example, if you think of my two closest friends, they are completely different from me, haha. It kind of makes me wonder how and why we're friends sometimes. (:

oh, and I changed the picture on top of my blog. Did you notice? haha, but it feels weird not looking at mums. 

I am excited for the retreat this weeeekennndddd! I think it's perfect and amazing the way I don't have any serious tests or homework I have to do this weekend. God's timing is always perfect.

It feels good to surrender everything to God!



oh, one more thing I want to say, ahhaa. Jesus is the epitome of living the faith. I just really wanted to use the word...it sound so cool.

His promises

Must not...cannot...get sick...not going to take the calculus make-up exam. Apparently it's extremely hard. I guess I have been frustrated with things, but it's okay, because I realized that God's going to be with me through everything. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalms 23:4).

"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in this field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches" (Matthew 13:33)

"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20)

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" (Proverbs 16:3).

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

Proverbs 8 -- all about wisdom, which I need. (:

claiming these verses!

Jesus, you are so good. You are good all the time. Not just when things are going great, but even through the most difficult times, you are still good. I'm kind of confused about taking the integral of area to get volumes...when to use the cylindrical method or the circles, but I ask that you may help me understand it before the test. I ask that it will all make sense and I pray that you will help me not make stupid mistakes on the test. I'm going to commit this test to you because I really can't do it on my own.

We had a half day today! (:

color dodge -- experimenting with colors

uncertainties

The future is full of uncertainties - at least mine is. Sometimes I wish it wasn't so uncertain, but if everything was certain, what would be the point of life? There wouldn't be a freedom of choice. It would merely be a script. I believe God uses these little uncertainties to test our faith and to help us keep growing. The goal is for us to become closer to God. It is not merely for us overcome one struggle because life is full of them, one after the other. Though I don't know the future, I would hate to settle for a mediocre life. Many people believe in the "American Dream," but is that what I'm living for? No, it's not. Yes, it would be nice to have a good job, nice house, a family, but at the end of my life, something would still be empty. I want a live a life devoted to God because I know it'll be completely worth it in the end. I know there will definitely be struggles, but I trust that God will give me the best life. He has the best plans for me -- Jeremiah 29:11. Don't settle for a mediocre life. Though it seems promising and secure, it's not. I want to have a meaningful life. I want to pursue God throughout my life.

Something I relearned this weekend. With glory comes suffering. They cannot be separated. Without suffering, glory cannot be achieved. Without a doubt in life, there is suffering, but we have hope in Jesus. "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf" (Hebrews 6:19-20a) In Hebrews, the author talks about the certainty of God's Promises, for they never fail.

Today we had a message about warnings of falling away. I need to be careful not to fall away. I need to keep checking myself and keep striving to learn more about God.

Retreat this weekend! (:

Thursday

Physics test today! (:
Jesus, I entrust all that I have today. Today really really feels like a Friday, but it's not. The weekend's going to feel great after this week. It was definitely a busy one, with every day filled with constant motion.

The archive guests are leaving today. Maybe they already left. I guess the house will become quieter.

--

I'm officially taking the SAT in March. As I said before, it's something I have ignored for so long. Now, I have to embrace it! Okay, from now on, I like the SAT. I will enjoy studying for it (says it with enthusiasm...) and it will all for God's glory. I'm praying that I can get a good score. I'll do my best, but everything else is up to God. Intense month of studying. Surprise. No violin lessons for a month. (:

provider

My God is the God who provides in all circumstances. It seems easy for me to fall into the path of hopelessness even for a short period of time. Whenever I think about SATs and my score, one side of me is like "it doesn't even matter" but the other side of me is like "Gogogo! You can do a lot better!" But really, does it matter? I guess it depends on who or what I'm doing it for. If I do it for God, all my work will one day be worth it. I have seen God work in my life countless number of times, but sometimes I slip and begin doubting again. I can't do that. I have to keep reminding myself that God is the God who provides. He is trustworthy, sovereign, and good. He will do whatever is best in my life. I need to trust him and follow him even though I don't know where my life will end up. I just know it's the best life I can possibly have. (:

I'm learning to take one day at a time.

Matthew 6:33-34 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

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