happenings

It feels like the first time in days that I'm able to sit down and write because I'm not doing something (except I only have 30 minutes). I've been really sleepy lately and so I've been sleeping more lately. I really can't believe the weekend is already gone. A few months ago I thought I wouldn't have much to do because it was the end of the year, but I was wrong. All the things I have now are not schoolwork, but fun things as well because there is a time for everything under heaven. I realized that it's harder for me to rely on God during the good times. When I'm struggling, I know that he is near and I know he will bring me through it. Even though I'm struggling, I'm growing. However when everything is good, it's hard for me to remember. I love it when everything is going well, but sometimes I forget that I need to depend on God. I have to depend on God through all the times.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" (Romans 12:15). 

Today is Roosevelt's graduation. My friends are graduating and it's time for celebration! I'm excited for them as they move on with their life to college or whatever God has in store for them. I'll be seeing them less, which is really sad, but I know that God has the best for them. I hope they continue to seek Him before anything. "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

I started driving school yesterday at Blue Bird. It's not too bad. It's actually kind of interesting, but it's hard to be in there for three hours. Thinking about it, going to school and then going to that is going to be tough.

I'm really excited for the Mexico Missions trip! But we need to do a lot in a month. We need to:

1) Nail the skit

2) Work on our VBS

3) Learn more Spanish songs

4) Pray, pray, pray.

5) Fund-raise!

Yesterday was Memorial Day and so, we had our annual picnic at Seneca State Park. Surprisingly it didn't rain while we were there (it usually rains every year on Memorial Day). I felt like I was burning out there in the sun, but I didn't burn. Maybe I got darker, but it's kind of hard to tell, haha. There were so many little kids running around. 

Eight more days of school left! It already feels like summer vacation, but I have to finish strong!

Oh yeah, SAT subject tests this Saturday. I have no idea why I signed up for these. Well, it's better than not taking them, but I'm afraid I forgot my physics & chemistry and it's really hard studying right now. 

Well whatever I do, I need to surrender it to God and He'll take care of it. (:

prom

Yesterday was Roosevelt's prom! I went with Hannah to her friend's house and took pictures. Well, they had a professional photographer so there was really no reason for me to be there, but it was a good experience! I learned a lot from just watching the guy take pictures of the people. I realized that to take portraits, I need to be able to tell people how to pose and how to stand. I'm so used to my friends posing however they want, but not all people can do that. Prom - you don't get to see everyone all dressed up often. I think prom consumes some people but at the same time, it's nice to see everyone dressed up.

Having fun - I realized that it all depends on the people you hang out with. What you do is important, but it's not everything. When I'm hanging out with my closest friends, we can do nothing but have fun. But if I'm hanging around with boring people, no matter what I do, it'll be boring. Attitude is everything.

This past week, I also learned that I actually really like taking pictures of babies and kids. I love catching them smile. It's also really interesting watching kids play. They're so innocent, honest, and funny. Sometimes I just watch kids play on Sunday, haha. They're so cute!

Four day weekend. It's getting harder to focus on school and it's getting hard to finish strong. SAT subject tests this Saturday and I have to convince myself to care. Everything I do should revolve around Jesus. I'm going to do my best for God's glory.

Oh, and I made a facebook page, haha. www.facebook.com/mustardseedphotography7 .

There's just so much to update on and so much I can write about. There's so much I need to learn about. But no matter what I do, I need to remember it's all about Jesus. I can't take my eyes off of him. If I do, everything will crumble, but when I surrender everything to him, he'll make everything beautiful. So much I can learn from Ruth in the Bible!

here I go

I am sitting here in first period, in front of a mac computer wondering what I should do. Yes, there are so many things I can work on. I can always study for my Latin final, practice for my Latin skit today, study for my Great Gatsby test next period, try to learn calculus for the last test, but here I am not doing any of those things. I keep thinking that since the seniors are gone, I have no work to do but I actually have a lot. I just don't have chemistry and physics homework, but everything else is still rolling. Ah, I can't let this laziness overcome me. I need to finish strong!

--
Other than that, I've been thinking about two things lately - sensitivity and redemption. Actually, three things. Sensitivity, redemption, and leadership. I will write on those three topics after I finish this essay.

Great Gatsby Essay! Here I gooooo! Second to last essay of the year and the last "in-class out-of-class" essay.  God, would you just give me words to actually write an amazing essay. I know you always guide me so I ask you once again for your guidance - your perfect wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. Jesus, you are just sooo soooo good to me and I thank you so much for everything!
--
update: I ended up doing half of my essay. That took so long. I always get so easily distracted. Ah, my limit definitely is twelve so the best thing I can do right now is sleep and write the other paragraph in class tomorrow. God, I continually pray for strength and your guidance as I finish writing this essay in school tomorrow!

Tomorrow's a busy day. Oh, I should write a speech. I can do that tomorrow in school.

No lie, "Call Me Maybe" is a really catchy song.

Summer

I don't want my summer to be a waste. Sleep is good, but I don't want to waste it by sleeping it away. Yet, I don't want to do too much that I don't get any rest. What am I doing this summer? I'm going to Mexico in July and up until then that's what I'm going to focus on, but I have no idea what I'm going to do after I come back from Mexico. It would be nice to get my provisional license, but I'm not quite ready to take the test yet. I have to learn how to parallel park and all that stuff. What I learned from junior is that doing a little bit each day is the way to go. Procrastinating will only lead to stress and having to do too much all at once. If I do a little it each day, it's seems like less work to do when I'm actually doing a lot.

Even though APs are over and I would like to convince myself I don't have anything to do nowadays, I actually have a lot to do. It's just not as busy. I have to keep doing work - just little by little every day.

I'm loving spring! The rain, the weather, the sun.

I know one thing that will never be a waste -- seeking God. So this summer, I hope to just keep seeking Him. I know that seeking God is never futile.

I printed out some pictures! That's always exciting.

Three more weeks left of school. (:

change

I want to make a t-shirt like this, but I don't have a t-shirt at the moment to write on. I think it would look good with white paint on a black t-shirt. This is just an idea at the moment. I just drew it on a post-it (post-its are amazing) and took a picture of it. Then I made the shirt white on photoshop elements (just explaining the process). John the Baptist was such a cool guy (random sidenote). 

Random t-shirt tip: If you're going to write on the shirt, start writing above the armpit area, but not to close to the collar. Once I wrote below the line and it ended up looking weird. So then I had to add a heart on top. 

Change. I changed the layout of my blog! I think it looks more spring-like.

I loved the weather this weekend! It was so beautiful. It was sunny, but there was a slight breeze that made it perfect to just sit outside. So this afternoon I sat under a shaded area, reading and writing. I recently finished Redeeming Love. At first, I was like "okay, this book isn't great as everyone says it is" but as the story progressed, I became to like it even more! I really like Michael Hosea and Miriam. It really showed me the parallel between the relationship between God and us. No matter how many times I fall away, God is there patiently, waiting for me. Even though it pains him so much, he is amazingly patient. Miriam was so honest and straightforward. She was such a great friend and loved Paul despite his stubbornness. 

As the end of the year approaches, I hit a lazy mode. My brain starts shutting down. It's like I can't think about school-related subjects anymore no matter how hard I try. If I can think, it's really slow and I take forever doing work, but surprisingly once I go back to school, I pick it up pretty fast once again. I believe that you have to rest in the summer. I don't see how people can study and do all these extra educational things in the summer. I have to rest in the summer to be able to study hard again in the fall! After the AP exams, I started feeling the effects of all those weeks. I was mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. I hit like an apathetic mode, but I had to fight so hard against that. I cannot be apathetic. That's one bad thing about not having much to do after climbing a mountain. Whenever I finish something big, such as finishing my AP tests, I just stop thinking, which is really bad. After having to lean on God for every single thing, I think -- "oh, I can do things by myself now," which I advise you, is not the mentality to have. We must constantly rely on God for everything - through the good and bad times. 

I've been thinking about photography. What's the purpose of me taking pictures? Why do I do it? Well, I like it, but I think it's more than that. I want to glorify God through everything I do, even through the pictures I take. These images allow others to see the world in another perspective - my perspective (being short adds to a more unique perspective, haha). I want to show people how beautiful God's creations are - people, flowers, bees, nature, just everything! I'm slowly learning more and more about photography and I hope to glorify God through it. It should all point back to Him. 

done!

I am finally done with all my AP tests! (:

I was so excited that I was done after I took the AP Lang test. It wasn't as hard I expected it to be, but I don't know how well I did. Only time will tell. Now I can relax and chill! Now I don't have much homework, which is great. I have all this time and I'm like great -- yay!

I've been meaning to sleep, but I feel the need to be awake until a certain time even though I'm feeling exhausted. 

I took pictures today! I haven't really been able to because everything has been so busy, but now that I have time to, I can take pictures! There's just so much more I need to learn. (:

Only three/four more weeks of school! That is still unbelievable.

God is good. He brought me through so much this year. This year was amazing. It still is.

God is so good. All the glory and honor goes to him.

I made a new tab on my blog! It's next to home, below the picture. Click it!

the greatest of these is love

Faith, hope, and love are so important.

After the AP physics test yesterday, I decided not to do work and I made a t-shirt, haha.

AP Lang test tomorrow! Ah, all I can do is do my best and hand it over to God. After tomorrow, I will be doneeee with my AP tests! (:

"But here's an important reminder: If you seek answers you won't find them, but if you seek God, the answers will find you. There comes a point after you have prayed through that you need to let go and let God. How? By resisting the temptation to manufacture your own answer to your own prayer...The only thing I can predict with absolute certainty is this: the more you pray the more holy surprises will happen..."

- Mark Batterson

It might make more sense in context:

Lessons Learned from Trying to Force a Miracle

I got what I thought was a $2 million idea for an online company called GodiPod. com. Lora and I invested the capital to get the business off the ground, but that $2 million idea turned out to be a $15,000 personal loss. In retrospect, I think I was trying to manufacture the miracle for God. This is what we often try to do, isn't it? When God doesn't answer our prayer right away, we try to answer it for Him. Like the day Moses took matters into his own hands and killed an Egyptian taskmaster, we get ahead of God. But when we try to do God's job for Him, it always backfires. Trying to get ahead of God cost Moses forty years. Of course, even then, God redeemed the forty years Moses spent as a fugitive tending sheep by prepping him to tend His sheep, the people of Israel. If we repent, God always recycles our mistakes. The one upside to our failed business is that I did learn some valuable lessons about unanswered prayers that are worth far more than the $15,000 hit we took onGodiPod.com. First of all, I came to the humble conclusion that our prayers are often misguided simply because we're not omniscient. I'll be the first to admit that I've drawn some prayer circles around the wrong things for the wrong reasons, and God didn't answer those prayers the way I wanted Him to! If we were absolutely honest, we would have to admit that most of our prayers have as their main objective personal comfort rather than God's glory. If God answered those selfish prayers, they would actually short-circuit the purposes of God in our lives. We would fail to learn the lessons God is trying to teach us or cultivate the character God is trying to shape in us... I learned that we shouldn't seek answers as much as we should seek God. We get overanxious. We try to microwave our own answers instead of trusting God's timing. But here's an important reminder: If you seek answers you won't find them, but if you seek God, the answers will find you. There comes a point after you have prayed through that you need to let go and let God. How? By resisting the temptation to manufacture your own answer to your own prayer. It would have been easy to cash out on the $2 million promise after GodiPod.com failed, but I keep circling that promise. I still believed God was going to answer that prayer somehow, someway, sometime. I would have never guessed that the payoff would happen in a meeting about church government, but I stopped trying to manufacture my own answer and simply trusted that God would give an answer when I was ready for it. Then one afternoon, right around three o'clock, God came out of nowhere and [gave me] a holy surprise... God has surprised me so many times that I'm no longer surprised by His surprises. That doesn't mean I love them any less. I'm in awe of the strange and mysterious ways in which God works, but I have come to expect the unexpected because God is predictably unpredictable. God always has a holy surprise up His sovereign sleeve! The only thing I can predict with absolute certainty is this: the more you pray the more holy surprises will happen...  -The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears, by Mark Batterson

rain

Today, it was raining. To be more specific (getting ready for the AP Lang exam!), it was lightly drizzling. I like this kind of rain. It's not like the humid rain that soaks everything, making everything unpleasant. It's not like the thundering rain that creates crashes of thunder, frightening little kids. This rain, this kind of rain, screams "new beginning!" I suppose that's what spring is about -- new beginnings and growth. Even though it's spring and I love spring, I can't help feeling like autumn on the inside. It seems to be a transitioning time from junior year to senior year (much bigger transition than any other year). I could sit here and worry, worry, and worry, but that's not going to get me anywhere. I kept thinking how sad it was that the year was almost over, but then I realized something. I realized that God knows the best. I mean, I knew that, but it's that epiphany when you actually realize it. Without realizing it, I have been trying to control everything once again. I have been trying to do thing my own way and that only brought me frustration. I was frustrated over the weekend or maybe the past few weeks about certain things, but then I realized I was creating unrealistic expectations for people. Yes, I wish people would care more about things because it's hard caring when no one else is, but I can't control people. Only God can change people's hearts. All I can do is trust God and accept people the way they are. And so, again, Grace tries to do things her own way only to realize that God's ways are superior. When I gave everything all up to God yesterday, it felt sooo good. (:

I know I have been put in certain positions by God. He lead me to the positions so he will lead me throughout the summer and senior year. I know there will certainly be difficulties in life. This is life. But at the same time, I know that God's plans for me are the best, better than the greatest dreams I can imagine. This applies to you too (whoever you are). God's plans for you are soooo much better than any of the greatest plans you have! Trust him and he will definitely lead you through life. Even when it's hard and you can't seem to see anything in front of you, keep pressing on. Don't give up. Not matter what happens, don't give up. Now, I will go take my advice. (:

Perfect song to end this post with:

All Under His Control

I know God has been with me this whole year and I know he'll be with me tomorrow. I just have to give him everything and let it be under His control. Lately I have forgotten that everything is really under His control, but today I was reminded that God is the owner and I am just a worker. I'll elaborate more on this later when I hae time to write. I know what I know by now and I don't believe in cramming. Well, it doesn't help. It might help other people, but cramming really does not benefit me in any way. I think it just makes me even more nervous. I'm going to go over some equations tomorrow and pray that I remember all that I learned this year. It's definitely a lot of information in Physics B, but I know it's not impossible. God can do seemingly impossible things. (: This weekend was a relaxing one. The weather was beautiful and I actually slept for 10 or 11 hours last night. I'm starting to read Redeeming Love. Apparently it's a really good book and it's based on the story of Hosea, but that's all I really know at the moment. I just finished the first chapter and it's so sad!

Everything's under God's control and it's going to be great because my God is victorious! (:
I need to remember to laugh, haha.

halfway

Lately I don't even know what's happening. I still can't believe it's May. I can't believe I'm going to be a senior. There's much more responsibilities. Well, I'm so glad that two of my AP classes are practically over. I think the biggest test is definitely the first AP test. Taking government last year felt so much more official. Now, I'm like it's just another test because there's been so many tests this year. It's another test. It's just like a final. After the AP Chem test, we chilled and made lollipops Friday! (: I made mine into a heart. It tasted just like sugar because that's basically the ingredient. Sugar, sugar, and water.

I kind of just went by this week.

Violin test today! I messed up, but I always mess up, so other than that it was good. When I was a freshman, I always wondered why people quit playing the violin but now I'm starting to understand them. I'm not planning on quitting, but often times, there's other higher priorities in life.

I need to focus more on God. I need to care more. Can't stop caring. Can't give up.

surprise!

There were many surprises today. It didn't feel like I was taking an official AP Chem Exam today. That wasn't the surprise. The surprise was that it was harder than I expect it to be. Oh well, it's over and I need to move on and stop dwelling on it. I gave it to God and I know that God's going to take care of it all. (:

When you trust your life with God, there's so many exciting twists and turns! I don't know what's coming up in the future -- or even the near future, but I know that it's good. There's definitely some painful lessons that God has been teaching me so that I can completely depend on him, but it's all worth it. My God is victorious in the end. I'm learning that it's the best when I trust Him with my life.

A twist today. Today was the first NHS meeting for the juniors. Probably the one and only meeting of this year. Surprise. I just found out Saturday that there was a meeting today when I went to take the SAT at school. I assumed we would be electing officers and whatnot, but I wasn't really concerned. I thought about running for office a month ago, but dismissed it because I didn't want to do it out of pride or anything like that. Also I wanted to be able to be free for TLC next year. Then at that point, I just gave it up to God. Then today was elections! It started with the president. While they were giving speeches, I was thinking -- "hmm should run." I asked my friend "should I just run for VP?" and she said "yeah! run!" Then the five people finished giving their speeches and surprise - Chris won. (not really a surprise...) Anyways then they called for people running for vice president and I just went up and talked for like a minute, haha. It was really short compared to the other people. All the people I was running against were all really qualified. While we were waiting for people to vote in the corner, I was just like "God, if it's your will, then would you just let it happen. If it's not, its okay." After waiting for a long time, we went in and I found out... I won by one vote, hahaha. Then I knew that it was God's work because he does funny things like that. Like how I did one point better on my PSAT this year than last year's. Then for secretary, Praveen won! It was really funny because it's all TLC people. TLC to NHS. I think God has a plan for next year. I don't know what it is, but He does and it's going to great. I just have to continue to say "yes" to whatever he asks of me. (:

I know NHS is a lot of work and there's going to be difficulties, but I hope I learn a lot from it! It's no coincidence that it's Chris, Praveen, and me.

But whatever happens, I have to remind myself to put God's kingdom first. "But seek first his kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

Following God comes with this peace and joy that I cannot explain. As I said before, I'm going to laugh throughout this week. It's actually not as stressful as I thought it was going to be. It's pretty chill, but maybe it's because I'm caring less...which is bad.

God is good, all the time!

moving

Got to keep moving, keep persevering, keep going. One down, five more tests to go, if violin counts as a test. (: I took the SATs today. Right now it feel like it was so long ago. Since it was my second time, I think I was fine with the four hour testing. Endurance wasn't a huge problem. Knowing what the right answers was because I had no idea for some, but it's alright. God's going to take care of it all. It felt so relieving that I got one test over with. Now, I have to push on and study chem tomorrow even though I am lacking motivation right now. I have to keep trying, persevering, and praying. This is the end of the year and if I stop trying now, it's like my whole year was a waste. God is God Immanuel - God with us. My God is always so good to me and his promises are true. They never fail - ever. I'm claiming his promises and asking Him for big things because my God can do big things. (:

Then today I went to Jacob and James'  eighteenth birthday party! Whoa, they're already eighteen. I still feel like we're all in middle school, haha.

Keep holding onto God's promises.

prayer

It's May! It's the month that everyone has been looking forward to all year. Yet despite all this, I don't feel anxious. Maybe it's not hitting me yet that I'm taking the real AP exams in less than a week, but I don't think that's it. I have confidence in God that he is victorious in everything. I'm learning to simply trust Him with everything. From the smallest things to the biggest things. I really cannot do everything or be in control of everything. Why not let my future be in the hands of God -- somewhere safe? (:

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

"Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.'"

I really believe God wants us to ask Him for big things. He can do them and he wants us to believe that he can do them. Everywhere I turn, I keep seeing the word "pray." There seems to be huge obstacles in life right now, but Jesus is telling us to pray. By praying, we show Him that we completely rely solely on Him.

Do you believe God can do big things? I do.