Come Alive Part I

The last three weeks have been incredible. Tiring, exhausting, and challenging, but incredible. God has been doing so much in my heart that there is so much to share that I'm not sure how long it will take. But at the same time, since so much has happened, I keep pushing it back, saying that I'll write about everything "later." But I know that if I keep pushing it back, it will become too burdensome to write about everything at once and it'll be on the back of my mind for months. I most likely won't get through everything in this blog post, but I will keep writing and sharing what God has done in my life the last three weeks (and even before) because my story is a testimony of God's goodness.

Renewed Passion

From June 26th - 29th, I attended the Grace Retreat for the first time as a small group leader. It was such an honor to meet and get to know my small group - Ashley, Sarah, Esther, Minha, and Emily even if was only for four days. The theme of the retreat was "Come Alive," calling the youth to come alive - to take ownership of their generation to know and serve God. Before the retreat, I had been asking God for a sense of direction - a purpose after graduating college. Should I try to scribe or should I TA? Should I volunteer? Should I pursue photography? Should I do something abroad? Should I keep serving the youth? Should I do more for the college ministry? I still don't know the answers to these questions, but I know that God will continue to unfold the plans he has for my life. Serving the youth group for the last two years has been a joy to me. It's where I learned to love and to joyfully serve with all my heart. It's my joy and delight to see them grow in their faith and choose to follow Jesus with all their heart despite what their culture dictates. But at the same time, it's a lot of work and I can't plan to do much on the weekends. It can easily become routine and it can get tiring week after week. It's where I struggle the most because sometimes I don't know if I'm making a difference or if I'm doing enough. Sometimes I don't know whether I should rebuke or encourage them. I don't know if they'll realize how much we plan for just a Saturday meeting or how much we care for them (even now, I don't think I'll ever know how much Aug, Sarah, Paul, and Belssi did for us when I was in youth group). But I know this: God has called me to love on them and to pray for them (even when they're hard to love because it's God's kindness that leads us to repentance). At Grace Retreat, God really renewed my passion for loving the youth. As each speaker spoke, my heart was like "yes, yes, yessss!" He's calling forth a new generation of believers that will stand up for their faith and that will make Jesus known in their middle and high schools. They're going to do even more than I ever did in high school. They're going to be on fire. I believe that my role right now is to pray for them, empower them, and mentor them to equip them for what God has in store for their lives.

"You're a good banana."

At Grace Retreat, Lana shared a story about how once she was speaking in South America (I forget the country) but God told her to say - "You're a good banana." She had no idea what the phrase meant or how it would impact the people there, but when she spoke it, it really touched the people's lives. Apparently, they package chiquita bananas there and only the "good bananas" get exported to another country and the bad bananas get fed to the pigs. So she was essentially telling them - "you are good enough." It's been a while since I thought about my identity. I know who I am (or I thought I knew who I am, haha). But God has been taking me further in knowing who I am. I was made for a purpose. I was fearfully and wonderfully made. He made me the way I am because He has a plan for me. If you don't already know, I'm kind of weird, haha. But he made me this way. I love the sciences, but at the same time I love the arts. In college, I found it difficult to find people like me. And recently I realized that I can be really particular at times, haha (and a perfectionist). But it's okay! He made me this way. I also get words of knowledge about situations and people at times but I haven't been good at sharing them. I usually know when someone is not doing well spiritually (even if they tell me they're "good") so it's better not to lie to me, haha. And I usually keep them to myself, but God has been really tugging at my heart to share what He has told me and what He has done in my life. When I don't share what God has done, I am taking away the glory that is His. I also felt that before going to Grace Retreat, God was telling me - "Grace, I'm giving you a new voice." At Grace Retreat Pastor Chris Pautrat asked people who God was calling them to preach to stand up. In my senior year in high school, I had a dream that I was speaking in front of people. But at that time, I really couldn't imagine myself speaking in front of people. But then two years later, I gave my first message to the youth group. It was hard standing in front of people and sharing my heart. I struggled to find my voice. There are charismatic speakers, funny speakers, and etc. I struggled to speak boldly even if I prepared a lot for it. But God has been really convicting me that He created me to speak just the way I am. He doesn't want me to try to be like another speaker. He has shared with me what's on His heart and He has given me a voice to share it. As a daughter, it's my role to share what's on my Father's heart. I am not speaking to perform, but to obey because I love my Father. And what I've been learning is that once I step out in obedience, God will take care of the rest. His presence will come and He will move. It's not what I do, but it's what He does. And when He shows up, everything changes.

Another thing I learned that is that when I share what God has done in my life, my victory will become other people's victories. So I hope that you find what I wrote to be encouraging and if you are convicted, claim it! Because it's not mean for me to keep everything to myself. God wants to come and move in your life as well!