How to summarize today? To summarize today would not be summarizing just today. Rather, it would be months and months leading up to today. Ah, I don't know why but it just feels like I can't write anymore. I know I have to because I'll never do if I don't do it now, but it's just so hard. I don't know why. Bear with me?
Here I go:
My initial reactions after the SAT was -- "I'M ALIVEEEE." Thinking back to it, I'm regretting on how I did on the math section, but I can't do that. The test is over and I need to hand everything to God. I need to claim God's promises over and over again. Even though the test is over, I need to keep praying and claiming God's promises. During the test, I was repeating -- "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (:
I'm so thankful. God has taught me so much through these two months. So much that I wouldn't be able to put it into a blog post. So much that I have to tell you in person, but I would just keep going on that you would stop listening to me. Therefore you can get little snippets.
The weather today was so beautiful - it was sunny, bright, and warm. I don't think I'll forget this day - March 10th like how I still remember December 6th.
SAT - I had to think of it as something fun. The passages weren't that boring as I thought they would be. I found them pretty interesting. Previously my dad told me I had to find the passages fun. If I found them boring, I wouldn't understand the passages; if I didn't understand the passages, I wouldn't be able to answer the questions correctly.
I felt like I had an army with me going into the SAT room. In reality, it was me versus paper (how silly), but really, it was just me taking the test. Yet, it didn't feel like that. I know people were praying for me and that is just an amazing feeling. I have my confidence solely on God. I know that he will prevail and be victorious. I know that God is the God who answers prayers and I trust that he will answer the prayers of all these people praying for me. It wasn't just me combating and conquering the SATs. It was like I had an whole army supporting me -- a prayer army, that is. So thank you to everyone who prayed for me! It was so encouraging. (:
Throughout the test, I was thinking -- "Concentrate. Concentrate. Concentrate." "God, you are so good." "God, please help me." "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
I feel like I've climbed a mountain. I did. Just not a real one. The devotional for today is titled "Testing Reveals Your Heart." The verse is "God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not" (Deut 8:2). The past two months, a part of me has wondering -- "Why? Why can't I just go to Mexico?" But God has shown so much grace over me -- over and over again. It was definitely a struggle and I need to stop thinking that everything's going to be easy from now on, but if I do get over 2000, I have come a looong way in one month. Actually, having a goal or a reason for doing well on the SAT probably helped me. Before I didn't feel the need to do well, but then, my SAT score mattered more than just for college (which seems so far away but really isn't). It taught me to trust God -- to choose a life full of hope. To believe God can do anything. It forced me to learn some new vocabulary words (elusive vocabulary words...).
I learned extremely valuable things. Though suffering is extremely hard, it teaches you like nothing else can. I believe that I will have to use what I learned in the future. That's exciting and scary at the same time!
Now I must go back to piano and violin lessons. I need more motivation!
After taking the SATs, I went ice skating! I think I like the thought of ice skating much more than the real thing. I'm so bad at it, hahaa. I fell three times and almost fell like ten times. Actually it wasn't my fault that I fell the first time. There was a little girl near me. She fell. Then she bumped into me and so I fell. Domino effect. (:
Another thought: I keep hearing about wars. Not exactly wars going on right now, but about wars in general. We're reading Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien in English. The message last week had a long snippet of a battle scene. Haha. I told my dad I thought the movie clip was really long and then he asked me why I thought he did that. I told him it was because the real battle's long, haha. So yes, there is a spiritual battle going on and we should never give up.
Never giving up. I realized a few weeks ago that one things I highly dislike is when people give up. We have this vocabulary card contest between the classes in Latin. What happens is on Mondays and Fridays, for warm-up, we go around answering the vocabulary words in five minutes. We try to improve our score each week. That Friday, my class gave up. For some reason, that made me really mad. Then I thought about why it made me mad. Then it kind of made me wonder how many times I have given up in the past. How mad does God get when we give up on Him? He's the all powerful and almighty God. Does he get mad when people lose their faith in him? Because it's not that he can't do it. It's that people have decided to stop believing. It's not that my class can't do better in our vocabulary cards. They chose to stop believing. They chose to stop trying. Then I thought about my spiritual life. No matter what happens, I don't want to give up. There were times in the past two months I wanted to give up, but I told myself I couldn't. I had to keep going and I'm glad I did. God has shown me his grace over and over again.
God's grace. What is it anyways? There's a whole song about it -- "Amazing Grace." It's my Korean name. Even though I heard it over and over, I didn't quite know what it was. I'm still in the process of learning. I don't know if that will ever end. But God has shown me that his grace is enough for each day. No matter how terrible a day is, he will get me through. Speaking of terrible days, yesterday was just hard. I woke up late, missed the bus, was half-awake the whole day, felt bad, just a bad combination. Then I had to take the SAT the next day. That's God's grace right there, working in my life. God seriously does the greatest things in my weakest moments. It is so obvious that it is Him working. I'm not doing things by my own strength. I did not take that SAT by my own strength and will. I couldn't even think straight yesterday. God continually reveals his grace to me. (:
As I said earlier, summarizing today is summarizing the past two months.
oh, and I took pictures today. (: https://plus.google.com/photos/100255788701608307080/albums/5718438672040904913?authkey=CI-r6oqRsZLlmgE
I can't see you being really mad
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