Come to Me

While scrolling through my instagram, I somehow ran into this blog post. Titled, "Lies, Fears, & Anxiety," it was a post that I could really relate to. (You can read the post here) These past few months have been really difficult for me, more difficult than usual (although you may be say - "Grace, you always say this"). This blog post I read today was such a good reminder that I am to come before the Lord whether I am doing well or whether I am struggling. I forget that yes, the enemy is doing everything he can to watch me fail. Yet, despite any life circumstances, I am to cling to Jesus no matter my circumstances. But it's hard. It's hard because it requires vulnerability and humility. It requires me to admit that without Jesus, I am nothing. Jesus promised in John 15 - "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." Every semester I try to do things on my own, in small or large ways, but I always reach a point where mentally and physically cannot do it on my own. And I have to say - it truly is only by God's grace that I have done well in my last semesters and I entrust Him this semester as well. I honestly can only offer Him the little that I have (like five loaves and two fish) and see that God is faithful to provide all that I need.

This semester's YDJ study on the book of Ephesians has been really encouraging as we deeply studied each passage and what it meant to live out our Christian lives. Last Friday we discussed Christian work ethics and how we should live out our lives to glorify God. I think Ephesians 6:7 summarizes it very well - "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free." Studying this passage really convicted me as God asked me - "where's your heart, Grace?" I was reminded again that unlike people, God looks at the heart. As the lyrics to the song Heart of Worship says - "I'll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you require. You search much deeper than this, for the way things appear, you're looking into my heart." I can do everything that a Christian should do. I can attend all the Bible studies, pray, read the Bible, sing during praise that you may look at me and think that I'm doing well. You may never know the difference. But God, he looks at my heart. And if my heart is not right before God or if my motives are not right, everything I am doing is meaningless. So I want my heart to be right before God. I want to do all that I am doing not because others are looking, but because I am serving the great God. A few weeks ago I watched Whiplash with a couple of people from YDJ (For some reason I can't seem to embed any videos, so I hyperlinked all the videos). It was about this guy who aspires to be a great drummer. He gives up everything in order to achieve his goal. After I watched this movie, I thought - "If this guy can give up everything to become the greatest drummer, how should I be living?" This guy practiced so much that he was bleeding and when he was bleeding, he kept practicing. I don't think it was meant to be inspirational, but I think it was in a sense, inspirational.

Sometime in the last month or two months, I also watched this message by Francis Chan titled - "Giving God Our Best." I want to give God my best because He deserves my best. I've been thinking about what it means to give my best to God and I think it ties well with the YDJ meeting on Christian work ethics. It's easy to separate work and school with church. Work and school is on the weekdays while church is on the weekend. However, we can't compartmentalize God and serve God only on the weekends. I believe it also all comes down to where your heart is and who you are serving. Are you serving God? Yourself? Others? I realized that I want to serve God not just on the weekend, but with my school work as well because right now, I am a student. This next thought is me stating the obvious, but I realized that not everyone can and not everyone will be pastors when they grow up. I think in the church, there's a hierarchy with the pastor at the top, then elders, leaders, and then just the rest of the congregation. I realized that people are called to do different things and we can't look down on one person for not doing this one thing when she or he may be called by God to do something else. By doing our work wholeheartedly for God, we reflect Christ and bring glory to him.

I'm also learning what it means to hope for others. It's amazing how God chose me in my worst. He embraced me in my worst, loved me, and he had hope for me. And I want to do the same. I want to see how God sees others and despite what I may see right in front of me, I want to hope for their futures because God is good and He is faithful. I love how God invites me to come and holds me not only when I'm doing well, but also when I am struggling.

During missions Bible studies, M. Elijah encouraged us to hold into God's promises and here are some of God's promises.

Uganda in 1 month!