Spring Bible Conference Reflection

This was the testimony that I shared with my group at the conference!

“For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.” – 1 Corinthians 15:22

In 1 Corinthians 15:12-34, Paul dissects the arguments for and against the resurrection of the dead. He begins by asking the question - “But if it is preached that Christ has been raise from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead?” Why was the resurrection such a grave matter? Why was it so important for Paul to address this problem amongst people in the church? The resurrection of man (especially the resurrection of Jesus) was a theoretical debate amongst different sects of Jews. Even when Jesus was alive, the Sadducees did not believe in the resurrection of the death. However, Jesus’ resurrection is one of the fundamental beliefs of Christianity. What is the meaning of Jesus’ resurrection? As sin entered the world through Adam, the relationship between man and God was broken - not only for Adam and God, but for his descendant as well. God told Adam that if he ate fruit from the knowledge of good and evil that he would “surely die.” Yet, Satan tempted Adam and questioned if God really told them they will die, ultimately questioning the consequences of sin. In the same way, there are so many temptations and ways to sin in our world. College campuses are full of ways to indulge in our sinful desires – and Satan continues to lie – “did God really say you’re going to die?” We live in a really permissive culture. But while sinning can seem exciting, thrilling, and fulfilling at the moment, in the end, it truly only leads to death. The resurrection signifies Jesus’ power and reign. However, if there is no resurrection – and Jesus did not resurrect from the dead, sin and death continues to separate us from a relationship with God. Although the enemy continues to lie, we know that Jesus has already conquered death. As Philip Brown shared in his message (paraphrased) – if God has already taken care of my salvation, I can entrust him to take care of the little details of my life. Having a relationship with God is far better and greater than any pleasures this world can give me. “For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.” God sent Jesus not to make bad people good, but to make dead people alive. As a result, as Paul told the Corinthian church, in order to rid myself of anything that separates me from God, I must “stop sinning” and continually repent. I pray that as a church, that we may look to the cross, stop sinning, and find our fulfillment and satisfaction in Jesus.

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I was really blessed this conference listening to all the messenger and testimony speakers. It was really refreshing! During praise night, I was just reminded that God has and will always be with me whatever I face in life. One word I received from God was the theme over my life - "grace over grace." I have seen his grace over and over in my life in the past and I believe that I will continue to see his grace this semester, next semester, and in the years to come. I'm also super proud of the youth group for the video they produced and can't wait to see where God takes us next!

The Limitless God

"I can't."

I realized that although I may not verbally communicate these two words with others, this belief can (sometimes) be found in my language, actions, and reactions.

There was a study done by Carol Dweck on mindsets - growth mindset versus fixed mindsets. Many people have fixed mindsets - meaning they believe that they are born with a set amount of intelligence and no matter what they do or how hard they try, it's not going to change. However, people with growth mindset believe that their intelligence keeps growing as they struggle and persevere through difficulties (as their neurons keep making more connections). I find her study to be super interesting! Lately, I've been reflecting on my life and I do see the times that I struggled, grew, and learned, but at the same time, I see the times that I limited myself and said "oh, I can't do that," "that's too hard," etc. (things along these lines) or thinking that other people were just smarter than me. Whenever I thought I couldn't do something, I would give up even before I tried harder to learn or improve. Or if I did try, I would try, but give up once things became difficult. But whenever I believed that I could eventually do it or just wanted to learn, no matter how hard it was, I would keep trying to learn and persevere. There's a stark contrast!

Looking back at these short twenty-one years of my life, God has lead me to places I've never imagined that I would ever go to and do things that I would have never imagined myself doing (going to Mexico and Uganda, taking family photos, giving messages, etc). I realized that when we place limits on ourselves and others, we may hinder their growth from becoming who God created them to be. At the same time, there are times you have to give up dreaming hopelessly about something that is not going to happen (but that is up to your discernment). So if you want to do something and learn something new, why not? I suppose because it takes effort, perseverance, motivation, and most importantly, a willingness to learn. I think we often see the polished version of others' success and we don't see the grind and all the hard work behind everything they've done. But really, if you want to learn, why not? I've been studying wedding photographers - and I wonder why some businesses keep growing while others plateau and kind of dwindle away. I realized that people who are successful are always willing to improve, and learn (from mistakes and from others). If something doesn't work, they don't keep doing it. They are willing try new things and if it works better, they adopt it as part of their business and workflow. However, there are photographers who are stuck in their ways and they don't seek to improve. They settle. They don't seek to keep learning.

So lately I've been learning that God is not the God of limits. Pause and just think about this: he created us for eternity. How crazy is that in itself? But whenever we face difficulties and struggles, we believe Satan's lies that we can't, that we're not good enough, or that we're not capable, and we give up. Let's dream big. Let's have a vision for our future and for each other. Let's persevere. As we persevere and push for more, there will be breakthroughs. As Christians, we reflect and glorify God. Whatever you do - be the best version of yourself. Be humble. Be willing to learn from your mistakes and from others. However, I believe there's a point where we have to lay down everything down before God - the good and the bad - all of our fears and dreams. Sometimes we have to fully surrender our dreams to God and let them die, but God can bring the dead to life. When he does bring the dream back and bring forth the dream to life, it will be even more beautiful than we imagined them to be.

Here's a super encouraging video that I recommend watching:
https://www.facebook.com/jeremycowart/videos/10153274835971260/

"I can do all things through Christ"

trust

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

It's a struggle. I remember many years ago, Paul (my youth group teacher) asked me how I was doing and I expressed my frustration on how hard it was to trust God - to let go and fully trust Him with my life. And I remember him kind of chuckling and replying that it doesn't get easier as you get older. Looking back, I see what he meant. Trusting God is not a one time thing. Rather, it's a conscious decision I must make every day to trust Him and submit all my ways to Him. Although I know that God is good and has the best plans for me, it's a struggle - to trust him with all my heart. There's a battle in my heart - a part of my heart seeks safety, comfort in what I know, whatever is "easier" to do. But the enemy is a liar. Although he promises safety, comfort, wealth, etc., once you obtain these things, you will be left empty, wanting more. As I surrender and submit to my God, the good good Father, I know that he will "make my paths straight." As I surrender and submit to my God, I experience the greatest joy and freedom. Although the road I am traveling on is uncertain, I trust Him. He's been so faithful to me and I know He will continue to be faithful. 

This weekend was so exciting! During youth group, we watched the movie titled Furious Love and then we went treasure hunting at Beltway Plaza. To be honest, it is usually really nerve-wracking to go up to people and ask if we can pray for them. I usually kind of check the time often and see if it's time to go back. But this Saturday it was really fun! After watching the movie, I was encouraged to go out boldly. As children of God, we also walk in the same spirit that Jesus walked with. No demon or spirit has a chance against the spirit of God. My group was Susan, Yoojin, and me. We took turns asking people if they wanted prayer and saw God move over and over again. Although we met many people, the two incidents that touched my heart was at Target (the best place to be, jk :)). As Aug asked - "where does God want us to go?" The first thought that came to my mind was "Target," but I thought it might be just because I really like Target. As soon as we walked in, we saw an older man wearing a redskins hat. One of the clues we had were "red beanie" and so, Susan stopped and tried to talk to the man. But he was holding onto another man who was holding onto another man. Then we found out that they were deaf. There were around 6-7 people and they were at Target as an outing. After we realized we didn't know how to sign, the leader pulled out his smartphone (thank God for technology!!) and we typed our conversations. We asked him if we could pray for them and he was very open. Although they couldn't hear us, we spent some time praying for each one of them and I believe they felt God's love. As I laid my hand and prayed for them, I felt God's love overflowing for them. I love how although society may say these are the least, God loves and cherishes them. The leader typed - "it was a divine encounter" and I believe it was too! We then took a picture with them and went on our way. We met a lady in an another aisle. Susan asked if she could pray for her and we found out that she was a pastor. Then she challenged us to pray for us. After Susan prayed for her, she in turn prayed for us. She prayed over Proverbs 3:5-6 us and that we would be bold as we continue with our lives - that we won't be afraid wherever we go. Whether we're at target, school, church, work, God is moving. He's pouring our His spirit upon us and as his children and disciples, we must walk with faith, truth, and confidence. 

Recently Hannah and I started a small group (mostly Hannah) with a group of college aged girls called Food for Soul in hopes that we can encourage each other to grow and walk in our faith throughout our college years. As I shared what happened at Target and shared the verse the pastor prayed over us, Hannah also shared her prayer. Earlier in the day, she prayed and asked God what verse to share with us and she believed that God told her Proverbs 3:5-6! As we discussed the verses, we discussed what it means to trust God with all our heart. I think the part that stuck out to me the most was - "lean not on your own understanding." I realized that my understanding is so limited. Although I can only see what is right in front of me, God can see way ahead. He knows my future. And it is my role to submit all my ways before Him. 

Homemade pizza! Sooo goood.

Our hope is that through our monthly meetings, we will provide an environment to openly discuss the Word of God, our struggles as college students, and eat! It stirs my heart to see God raising up young leaders. I'm so excited to see that God is raising up high school and college students after His heart. 

I love seeing people encounter the love of God. I've seen God do great things, but I believe that God is going to do even greater things in the years to come. We must ready our hearts and equip ourselves to be ready to go forth.

Also another song that's been on replay.

"You are good good ooh"

Do Not Worry

There's a new ministry on campus that's been going around asking students if they would like to join a 15 minute Bible study in the food court at Stamp. After being asked several times for a few weeks, I decided to go and was really encouraged by it! The passage that we studied was one of my favorite passage - Matthew 6:25-34. 

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Usually, I focus on Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" but this time, verse 32 stood out to me the most. "For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them." During the Bible study, the leader posed the question - "what does it mean to 'run after all these things'"? And the image that came to my mind was when you miss a bus. You are frantically running after the bus because you are not guaranteed that you will catch the bus. As a result, when we are "running after all these things," we do so because we have no assurance that we will get it. We can run after food, money, and clothes to have security and safety but there's no assurance that we will have security and safety. 

There's a quote that my friend shared a few months ago that I really like: "There are years that ask questions and there are years that answer." Right now, I have a lot of questions (which can easily turn into worries) but through this short 15 minute Bible study, I was reminded that yes God knows me. He knows what I need exactly when I need them. God is a good good Father. I don't need to run after food, clothes, and money. Rather, I need to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness" and I know that God will provide exactly what I need when I need it. An example is that - after my freshman year, even before I asked my parents for a car, my dad decided to purchase a new car so that I could have his old one. The beginning of sophomore year was when I began as a youth group teacher and really needed a car. God knew even before I asked that I would need a car and provided in His perfect timing! 

When I see my friends running after their education (med school), a good MCAT score, career, relationships, etc. I wonder if I should be doing the same. I don't know if you will agree with me, but there's a fear - a fear that if I seek God's kingdom and His righteousness first, I will miss things. That I will miss my chance and opportunities of going to med school, getting good grades, getting married, etc. But I was really encouraged and reminded to seek after God's kingdom and his righteousness because He will provide all these things in His perfect timing. I love this semester, but it has been pretty stressful. I usually go to school around 9:30 or 10:30 AM and end up coming home around 7 PM at the earliest. I want to do well this semester, but I came to the conclusion that I have to entrust each day wholly to Him and He will take care of the rest because God knows exactly what I need each day (which is a lot of grace every day, haha). I was really encouraged by this passage and reminded of God's sovereignty and goodness. I hope you find this encouraging as well!

On a side-note, be on the lookout for a post about community (in the near future). And I've been listening to Amanda Cook's album Brave New World nonstop. Here's one of my favorites! 

"You don't give your hearts in pieces..."

Stillness

I recently read a post by T.J. Mousetis titled "Brooke's New Voice".

I would recommend reading the entire post, but if you would rather not, here's a little excerpt (a little background: T.J.'s wife, Brooke, had a surgery and she was unable to talk for 10 days. Their daughter, June, is a couple of months old.):

"And just like Brooke has done over and over in the six year we've been married, she starts teaching me something beautiful with humble grace. Brook's voice did not determine her love for June.

And how often do I feel like God's love is gone from me when He is silent. How often do I look up quizzically (or angrily) at God and think "WHY ARE YOU SILENT? DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!?"

Brooke's love for June was unchanging by words. She loved her the same amount the day before surgery as she did on the last day of voice rest. Her ability to answer June, or speak to June, did not determine her love. You may end up in the same boat I do when I feel like God is silent - that because His words aren't loud or jumping off the pages of the Bible that His love is distant or has mysteriously vanished.

But maybe, just maybe, God is actually closer than ever at those moments. Maybe instead of speaking to you, He is calling you to just sit silently in His presence. To sit in His overwhelming, loving arms and weep about loss or tragedy. To be close to Him in a way that words sometimes just don't work to describe a love like that. I love hearing Brooke tell me that she loves me, but our love isn't solely based on her ability to speak, but yet, I so often expect or require that of God. I can't allow Him to be silent in my life, because his silence must mean the love is gone." 

Reading this post took me back to my first semester in college. During freshman year, I would walk all the way down to the Court Yards bus stop, take the 105 bus, and then walk to class from Regents. Whenever I got to school early before my communications class began at 9:30 in the ENGR building, I would sit in one of the tables right above taco bells and try to do devotions. Even though I tried and tried, I felt like I didn't hear from God. And I remember that year being so hard - hard, not because school was incredibly hard because I wanted to do things and achieve things and it felt like I was doing neither. This post reminded me back to this particular season in my life because I remember feeling that I couldn't hear from God. Although I knew God was near, I didn't feel that He was near. But rather than constantly being busy, He wanted me to be still for a moment (a moment, meaning a year). And as I sat still in his presence, He promised that He would tell me the blueprints of the years to come. And after being still during freshman year, it's been a wild ride! I don't know where you are in life right now, but I think this is a good reminder that sometimes we just have to sit still in God's presence and let Him hold us.

worship // decisions // dwell // be humble

I learned a lot the past weekend and it helps me to consolidate what I learned by writing it out. It's not a lot of information that they can be individual blog posts, so I thought I would just write about all of them!

Worship
Worship is a response. Last Saturday Andrew taught the youth group praise team about the meaning of worship and why we worship. What is worship? We have Sunday Worship Services and time set aside for worship during retreats and conferences (which we think synonymously to praise). I'm continually learning what it means to worship, but I think the statement that really stuck with me the most is - worship is a response. When we worship God, it is a response to what He has done for us and who He is. A lot of times when I ask people why they don't sing during praise, they say "I don't feel like it." But when I think about worshiping God in this way, as a response, every time I worship God, I should be giving him my all. Because Jesus died on the cross for my sins. "I'm no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God." When you think about it this way, I am not worshiping based on my feelings and emotions, but I am responding to God. And though our emotions and feelings change ever so often, God never changes. Every time I worship, I need to look to Him, not at my own failures or even victories. As a sunflower matures, the sunflower head turns to face the sun. I want to be like a sunflower, facing the Son.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" (Deut 6:5). When we worship, we must worship God not just with our mouths, but with all our heart and with all our soul and with all your strength. In high school, the verse that always stuck out to me the most during praise was Matthew 15:8 - "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." It is so easy to sing without thinking about the lyrics or sing and have another thought or worry in the back of your mind. But even as we set aside 15 minutes to worship on Sundays, let's give God our all.

What is amazing is that as I learn more about worshiping God, I have a deeper understanding of the trinity. Unlike other religions, as Christians, we believe that our God is three in one - God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Although they are three, they are also one. Very hard concept to grasp and understand! I believe that there are two ways we can experience this - in marriage and in worship. I'm not married, so I don't know from experience, but the Bible says - "'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate" (Mark 10:7-9). When we worship, we worship physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. When I look back, the times I experienced God's presence the most and the strongest were during times of worship. Why? I believe it's because when we worship with our all our essence, we get to experience  and see a glimpse of the trinity - how they can be three, but at the same time one. It still boggles my mind, but amazing how God created us to be!

Decisions // Living in Light of Eternity
On Saturday Aug gave a seminar on the life of Moses.

"By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and the application of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel. By faith the people passed through the Red Seas as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned" (Hebrews 11:24-29).

As we look at Hebrews 11, we see that Moses made decisions in his life by faith, by faith, and by faith. Moses had an amazing relationship with God that he could just have a conversation with God. "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend" (Exodus 33:11). How amazing is that? As my class was discussing the decisions Moses made, I was reminded of the decisions I had made to honor God. Sometimes it's easy to give up something God asks you to, but other time it takes everything to surrender and say "yes" to him. But I believe that God honors the decisions and sacrifices you make for Him. 

I know there are upcoming things that I question in my life such as - Where am I going to go to medical school? What kind of doctor do I want to be? Where am I going to live in the future? Am I even going to be in the US? Who am I going to marry? Do I have to save for retirement? And the answers for now are - I don't know. And does it all really matter? Yes and no. If I take a step back and look at the big picture, as a society, we go to school for so long to get a career. Then we have a career to save up for retirement. Then we retire and have all this free time. Then we face death. But think about this for a moment. We will be living for eternity. Did you think about it? I honestly cannot grasp what it means to live for eternity, but the decisions you make now will affect how you live for eternity. I want to spend my time here investing in people and others that will make an impact for eternity. What decisions are you making now? What are you doing with your time? How are you sowing into eternity?

Dwell

"Set me Ablaze is an ongoing prayer to stay hungry and passionate for God for as long as we live. To keep growing and searching out the things of His heart and who He is. At 18 I moved to Redding, CA by myself to attend the school of ministry at Bethel Church. I was so moved by what God was doing in that little mountain town. I was passionate to see God in a new and personal way and was willing to sacrifice a lot to pursue that. I was young, zealous and excited and I remember seeing things in times of prayer and worship that I had only dreamed of.

Many days in the ministry school pastor Bill Johnson came to speak to us. He so thoughtfully spoke with us about the things of the Kingdom, the miraculous, and his personal journey and history with the Lord. One of the classes I remember so clearly him leaving us with a challenge. He told us how happy he was to see us a class full of people of all ages and walks of life full of desire, passion, and fire for God, but then asked us to come back in 20 or 30 years and take him to coffee and tell him we are STILL burning.

One the passages of scripture that I love and have gone back to time and time again is Psalm 27. I love in verse four where David says “One thing I have asked of Lord, that I will seek after, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple.” (ESV)

King David is someone who is known for his passion, and being remembered as a man after God’s heart. I feel like this passage in Psalm 27 is one of the keys of his passion. He breaks it all down to one thing, to “dwell in the house of the Lord” to continually encounter the presence of God. I love that he says the word “dwell,” that he wants to live in the house of God. His life shows us that it’s not just a one time encounter with God that we’re after, but a lifestyle where we continually seek after and encounter the presence of God." // written by Katie Torwalt 
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The part that stuck out to me the most was the last paragraph. "I love that he says the word “dwell,” that he wants to live in the house of God. His life shows us that it’s not just a one time encounter with God that we’re after, but a lifestyle where we continually seek after and encounter the presence of God." Yes! We are called to encounter the presence of God more and more. I have a similar story from what Katie Torwalt shared in the devotional. When I was in middle school, Pastor Tom (I believe that was his name) came and spoke to us at the winter retreat. We were so blessed that retreat, but I remember he told us something along the lines of - "Don't just tell me that you liked my messages and were blessed, but come back 6 years later and tell me 'I'm still following God.'" This really stuck with me. 

Be Humble // Stay Humble

I recently read an article by Bob Hartley and it just filled me with hope! You can read it here. I can't quite understand the full extent of what God revealed to Bob Hartley, but I'm so excited for what God's going to do this year. But to receive His gifts, we must remain humble. "He gave me a picture in the dream of Willie Wonka and the chocolate factory (I wish it was more Biblical, but I just got to tell you it happened), how a pauper got an inheritance, but there was one thing required of him, and it was to be humble...everybody was wrong and had made mistakes, but Charlie would pass the test of humility and receive God's great gift of the Kingdom."As I was asking God what this year is going to be like back in January, there were two phrases - "exciting" and "people are going to bloom." I'm not quite sure what God is going to do this year, but I believe that it's going to be exciting and people are going to be launched into doing greater things for His Kingdom! As we study the book Multiply by Francis Chan, I'm SO excited for how God's going to move this semester and in the semesters to come. Yes, it's going to be hard, but it's always worth it saying "yes" to God! Jesus, would you move. And would you move our hearts to not be just convicted, but to take action, not because we need to work for our salvation, but out of our love for you.

Sorry, it ended up being longer than I intended it to be, but this is what God has been teaching me this week! Thanks for reading. :)

we never arrive

Last semester, I came across an article titled Building a Healthy Worship Culture by Hillsong. Although it's a relatively short article, I thought these words were really powerful so I thought I would share them with you! The ten advices on how to build a healthy worship culture that were listed are the following:

1. It's all about example
2. Don't lose sight of the "why"
3. Remember it's an honor!
4. Stay in the Word
5. Pray
6. Don't do it alone
7. Empower others to carry the culture
8. Trust in God! (Not in yourself)
9. Encourage
10. We never arrive

The ones that stuck out to me were #7 and #10 (as you could probably tell from the title and photo above). Even though I read this article months ago, the words "we never arrive" resonated deeply within me. At a first glance, it seems pessimistic, negative, or even harsh. However, the more I think about it, it's true. Until we arrive in heaven in our heavenly bodies, we will always struggle with our shortcomings and weaknesses. On this earth, "we never arrive." We will never have it all together here on earth, but there is hope that we will finally "arrive" when we go to heaven. Perhaps these words touched me deeply because I have tried for so long to be perfect. But the more I tried, the more I failed. No matter how hard I try, I will never "reach" being the perfect sister, daughter, student, friend, etc. When I look at how much I have learned in photography and typography (I can't believe it's already been a year!), I am humbled and amazed by how far God has brought me. But I also see how much more that I have yet to learn. Moreover, I have learned so much biology and chemistry as an undergrad, but the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know - how much is unknown about how the body functions and regulates (and I marvel at God's creation - how he created us with so many intricate details that work harmoniously together). For the last two and a half years, I have had glimpses here and there what it means to be a good doctor. I want to keep learning what it means to be a good doctor to eventually be one. Although it's frustrating that "we never arrive," at the same time, it's reassuring. It's not an excuse to give up or stop trying, but it's okay to be in between. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to not have it all together. It's okay that I'm not there yet. But most importantly, we never arrive in our relationships with others and with God. We must continually to set aside time and effort to love God and others. Although I easily get frustrated when all I see is my own shortcomings and weaknesses, I rest in Jesus' perfection. I have many dreams, but I lay it down before God and I rest in His grace. I will choose to rest in His sovereignty and in His perfect timing.

Also, I took the spiritual gifts test today and I thought it was interesting! If you're interested, you can take it here. 

lessons

After the end of my freshman year at the University of Maryland, I intended to write a blogpost of what I learned from my freshman year and my experience as a commuter. I never got around to it and now I'm in the middle of my junior year/beginning of senior year. I have seen several blog posts that share the life of a commuting students that were relatable and hilarious. So rather than just sharing tidbits from my commuting life, I want to share my experience and the lesson that I learned since I began college. I would say that going to college taught me a lot more about life (it's not just about studying - surprise). I hope you can relate to them!

Here we go:

1. Buy rain boots! I don't know why but I waited until the summer before my sophomore year to buy rain boots. I personally hate wet sock. Just the thought of cold, wet socks + shoes make me feel uncomfortable. And it just ruins your whole day! It tends to rain a lot in Maryland (it rains whether it's spring, summer, fall, or winter) and because there are so many hills and crevices on campus, your sneakers are bound to get wet! The Hornbake Plaza gets flooded whenever it rains. So if you're ever walking through it, your shoes are bound to get wet.
2. It doesn't matter what other people are doing. Unlike high school, when everyone is on the same level and on the same track, in college, everyone is doing something different. Being pre-med, I often felt overwhelmed because it always felt like I was behind. I wasn't studying hard enough, volunteering enough, researching enough, doing enough extracurricular activities, etc. And then I came to this conclusion - it doesn't matter what other people are doing. But it does matter how I am living my life. Am I following God? Am I becoming more like Him? Am I doing what I need to do?
3. It doesn't matter what you do. It matters who you are. This past semester, I was just so busy day after day, week after week. Then I stopped for a moment. And I realized I had not asked anyone - "how are you doing?" in quite a long time. Not like a casual "how are you doing?" "I'm fine" but like the "how are you really doing" question. As I thought about how Jesus did his ministry, it hit me pretty hard. Jesus always stopped for the one. No matter how busy he was, he intentionally went on about his day to stop for one person. How crazy is that? He went out of his way to meet the Samaritan woman. In the parable Jesus illustrated, the shepherd went after the one lost sheep when there were ninety-nine other sheep around. In this moment, I realized that I was doing so many things, but I was not satisfied. I was serving God in so many ways and doing so many things, but I was left feeling empty. I wasn't becoming more like Jesus. Rather, I was consumed by doing one thing after the another and I was becoming ungrateful. It's quite different to know what someone does and to know who he or she is. For example, people say "Grace, I really like your pictures!" but it's quite different if someone tells me - "Grace, you are insert a characteristic here." The first person knows what I do, but the latter person knows who I am. I believe that God created people to know and to be known so I believe there's something special about knowing someone really well. I suppose it all ties into what God has been teaching me about spending time with Him and coming to know who He really is. I suppose this is why many will come to Him and say "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive our demons and in your name perform many miracles?" (Matthew 7:22). Although they will do things, they will not know God or really, His heart. I pray that we will really come to know who God is - because he is so kind, loving, powerful, and SO good. (Sorry this point ran a little long. I have a draft blog post called "Stopping For One" that I intended to write but it became this instead, haha.)
4. Did you know you can buy hot water at the coffee bar or at any cafes around campus for 27 cents (including tax)? Why buy tea when you can just buy hot water? I usually carry around a tea bag just in case I feel like drinking something hot! Also tapingo's a new app that I like to use to buy coffee (thanks Hannah for introducing it to me). You tap + go (clever). You order your coffee online and just pick it up! Also I should have started using Terrapin Express earlier (because you don't have to pay tax at certain stores like Chick-fil-A). It's super easy to refill your Terrapin Express online! I also heard that there's a free printing on the 2nd or 3rd floor of the chemistry building if you bring your own paper, but I never actually found it.
5. As a commuter, your life will look different. And it's okay. Freshman year was really tough for me. (I think I just have a more difficult time than others in adjusting to new things. But then after I adjust, I end up loving it.) Although I knew a lot of people from high school that went to UMCP, it was still different. I didn't get to have a crazy roommate or experience any of the "college" things such as moving in, making new friends in the same dorm, and do crazy college things. But now that I look back, I am so thankful for all that God taught me through it. Looking back, it's pretty funny, but at the moment it really wasn't. My mom would say one thing and I would burst into tears. But through it, God was sorting out things in me. In the beginning, I struggled to find my place in such a big campus, but God taught me a lot. I didn't realize that I wanted to be independent from my parents, but by living at home, I learned to appreciate my parents in greater ways and to really develop a strong relationship with my sister.
6. It's okay to not have everything together (here's a secret: no one really has it all together). You're officially an adult (or should be soon) and I felt a pressure to have things together. To know what I was going to pursue, to know when I was going to do what, to know how to cook, to know how to fill in the blank here. But I realized it's only the beginning. Rather than looking at this time as the end of the teenage years, I realized that it's more hopeful to look at it as the beginning of my twenties. There's plenty of room to grow in the years to come. Be humble and be constantly willing to learn and become better at whatever you do.
7. "You can do anything but not everything." Growing up, my mom would say that I have a lot of 욕심 (yok-shim), which means greed (although it may be used in a different context than the word greed is used in English). I do have a lot of things I want to learn and do, but yes, you cannot do everything. In order to become good at something, you have to forego trying to be good at everything.
8. It's okay to say "no." I have a hard time saying no, so this was a bit difficult for me to learn but you cannot say yes to everything. Or else at a certain point, you'll feel like you're being pulled into million pieces.
9. Know your worth. This one is harder said than done, but know who God is and know who God says you are. It will affect the decisions that you make and what you accept from people. As the famous quote says "We accept the kind of love we think we deserve."
10. There's a season for everything. Sometimes you'll do things only for a season and some people will only be there for a season. Other times, you'll do things for a life time and some people will stick around for a lifetime. As I was sitting in on my sister's violin lesson today, I realized how important playing the violin was during high school. I really enjoyed it. Also I really enjoyed playing piano for the praise team in high school. Although I loved playing the piano and violin, I don't get to as much as I did in high school. And it's okay (and as #7 says, you can't do everything).
11. Invest in people (not on like 50 people, but on a few). Get to really know them. You should spend time with people wiser than you and learn from them. You should spend time with people you're running with. But I also believe you should be spending time mentoring someone younger than you. I see now more than ever how important it is for an older person to reach out to mentor someone younger than them (whether it's 1 person or more). It really does make a difference.
12. Take care of your health! This means physically as well as mentally! Mental health is as important as physical health. I never experienced so much stress until I went to college. Although I can never make it to the gym regularly, I learned that it's important to try to sleep 7-8 hours every night and eat regularly. There's no "lunch time" so sometimes I would skip lunch during my freshman year when I was too busy, but oh boy, that was not a good idea. I had a lot of acid in my stomach and got really sick. So now I make sure I eat lunch every day!
13. You are not defined by your grades.
14. Spend a little more and buy clothes you really really like. I would often buy things "because it was on sale" but I wouldn't really like it. Guess what happened to those things. Nothing. They sit in my closet because I never wear them. So even though I bought them "on sale," I just wasted money. Now I don't buy something unless I really like it. :)
15. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Be kind to everyone you meet, but you don't have to tell everyone everything. Be wise in who you surround yourself with because you're going to become more like them.
16. God is Sovereign. As the Fall 2015 semester began, I heard these word repeat over and over in my head for a few days - "everything has changed" in tune with Taylor Swift's song. I believe it was from God. Although nothing changed outwardly, there was a change in my heart. I had been working so hard - to meet all the requirements to apply to medical school that in the midst of all the hard work, I forgot it was God who called me to be a doctor. This is not for my own glory. Rather, it's for His. I became very anxious freshman and sophomore year, but as the semester began "everything changed." Even though Mamm Phys was hard and I didn't get an A, I was okay. Because it was God who called me to be here. And it's God who will take me to the medical school he wants me to go to. I have newfound confidence that God will guide my steps every step of the way as long as I trust Him. It's no longer "I want to be a doctor" or "I might be a doctor." But in God's time, I will be a doctor. Honestly, it's a crazy journey and as I said in #3, it doesn't matter what you do but who you are. 
17. Value what you have in God. What you have in God is far greater than anything this world can offer! It's true!
18. Don't buy books from the school book store. Unless you have to (like a lab book). Oh, and there are always old exams esp. for chemistry classes! College changed the way I studied...

These are all that I could think of at this moment. Phew, I finally wrote it! I know I've been blogging more than usual. I finally have time to sit and write out the ideas that have been on my mind for a few months now. Also I changed my blog layout. :)

2016 Key Verse Testimony

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4).

"He appointed twelve that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons." (Mark 3: 14-15)

It's hard to believe that 2015 has already come and gone. In 2015 I experienced my hardest semester (yet) in college (spring 2014), a summer in Uganda, and the hardest class (mamm phys) that I have taken in college so far.  Spring 2014 challenged me intellectually, physically, and mentally. But through it all, God taught me to hope in Him and He taught me what it means to hope in Him and what it means to hope for others. After I attended the youth group winter retreat in February, I had my first biochemistry exam the following Monday. Unfortunately, I failed my first exam. Then I really struggled to trust the promise God gives in Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first His kingdom an His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Didn't God promise that if I sought His kingdom first, He would take care of the rest? But through a lot of struggling, by God's grace, I ended up doing well in the class. Through it all, God taught me to place my hope in Him and not on my abilities or strength.

Living in Uganda taught me to live, independently for a bit and it taught me to treasure my quiet time with God. This past semester also went by so quickly that I can't believe it's already gone. But I am so thankful for the opportunities I had this year. Through them I learned and grew a lot. Some of them include the following: being a youth group teacher, beginning a youth group media team, having Bible studies with Helena, and giving a YDJ presentation on the life of Jacob. We began a media team this school year and I have seen the girls learn and grow. My hope is that this generation will grow to use their talents to serve and glorify God in all areas of media (photography, videography, etc) - esp. in the time and age when media is such a powerful tool with social media. Also, I am hoping that they will be able to help during conferences in the upcoming years. I was also really blessed to serve as a messenger for the YDJ retreat. Through preparing the message, God really taught me the purpose of discipleship and what it means to be His disciple. Whenever I think about it, it's crazy that God can use me - and that he does use me to further His kingdom. It's crazy but it's also so exciting when you say "yes" to God! More than what I had to offer, I believe that the Holy Spirit came and moved in people's hearts during the retreat.

My last year's key verse was Philippians 2:3-4 - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." In the beginning of 2015, and even before that, I realized that it's really easy for me to be jealous of others. And more than the things others had that I didn't, jealousy was rather a reflection of my heart. And somehow I bought into the lie that if I valued others above myself, then my own value would diminish. It's hard to admit it because sounds silly when I say it (type it) out loud. I suppose that's why it's called a lie. Anyway, throughout various situations and circumstances in 2015, God taught me to value and considers other above myself. I made effort to try to consider my parents more and tried to engage in conversations with others and to find out something interesting about them. By the end of the year, I see that Paul taught the church of Philippi to value others above themselves for the benefit of the church as a whole. Surprisingly, I found joy when I considered others above myself. I found that valuing others above me and considering their ideas and thoughts above my ideas and thoughts didn't make me below them. Nor did it make me better or higher than anyone. But it taught me to be humble and rightly see my place. I also learned to see people as God created them to be (although this is still an ever learning process), God taught me to hope for others and in their futures. In the same way Jesus had hope for the disciples from the very beginning, I desire to hope in and for others no matter what I see in their lives at the moment.

For 2016, I chose Mark 3:14-15 - "He appointed twelve that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons"- as my key verse. I don't know what this year will bring. But as I was preparing my message + listening to Dr. Ezra Cho's lecture at the retreat, I was challenged to meditate on the Word of God. I really like the analogy of the five fingers. We memorize, study, read, and hear the word of God. But if we do not spend time to meditate (the thumb) on the passage we heard or studied, whatever we learned will soon slip away. As a disciple, it is imperative to spend time with Jesus, preach, and to have authority. But before I can preach, I must know Jesus. And to know Jesus, I must spend time with him and meditate on the Word of god. I pray that I may be able to read the Bible regularly and mediate on what it says to come to know even more deeply who Jesus is.

There are directions I need to pray for the upcoming year - media team direction, MCAT preparations, youth group winter treat, youth group mission trip, my last 2 semesters in college, and whatever ends up coming in the way. But through it all, I pray that I may experience more of God's presence this year. I pray that I may lay down all my fears, worries, insecurities and trust that He is leading me exactly where He wants me to be in His perfect timing. In addition, as a disciple, I want to share the gospel with my friends and count everything a loss compared to knowing Jesus.