Stillness

I recently read a post by T.J. Mousetis titled "Brooke's New Voice".

I would recommend reading the entire post, but if you would rather not, here's a little excerpt (a little background: T.J.'s wife, Brooke, had a surgery and she was unable to talk for 10 days. Their daughter, June, is a couple of months old.):

"And just like Brooke has done over and over in the six year we've been married, she starts teaching me something beautiful with humble grace. Brook's voice did not determine her love for June.

And how often do I feel like God's love is gone from me when He is silent. How often do I look up quizzically (or angrily) at God and think "WHY ARE YOU SILENT? DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!?"

Brooke's love for June was unchanging by words. She loved her the same amount the day before surgery as she did on the last day of voice rest. Her ability to answer June, or speak to June, did not determine her love. You may end up in the same boat I do when I feel like God is silent - that because His words aren't loud or jumping off the pages of the Bible that His love is distant or has mysteriously vanished.

But maybe, just maybe, God is actually closer than ever at those moments. Maybe instead of speaking to you, He is calling you to just sit silently in His presence. To sit in His overwhelming, loving arms and weep about loss or tragedy. To be close to Him in a way that words sometimes just don't work to describe a love like that. I love hearing Brooke tell me that she loves me, but our love isn't solely based on her ability to speak, but yet, I so often expect or require that of God. I can't allow Him to be silent in my life, because his silence must mean the love is gone." 

Reading this post took me back to my first semester in college. During freshman year, I would walk all the way down to the Court Yards bus stop, take the 105 bus, and then walk to class from Regents. Whenever I got to school early before my communications class began at 9:30 in the ENGR building, I would sit in one of the tables right above taco bells and try to do devotions. Even though I tried and tried, I felt like I didn't hear from God. And I remember that year being so hard - hard, not because school was incredibly hard because I wanted to do things and achieve things and it felt like I was doing neither. This post reminded me back to this particular season in my life because I remember feeling that I couldn't hear from God. Although I knew God was near, I didn't feel that He was near. But rather than constantly being busy, He wanted me to be still for a moment (a moment, meaning a year). And as I sat still in his presence, He promised that He would tell me the blueprints of the years to come. And after being still during freshman year, it's been a wild ride! I don't know where you are in life right now, but I think this is a good reminder that sometimes we just have to sit still in God's presence and let Him hold us.