Goodbye 2013

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 3:13-14

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands."
- Psalm 138:8 (NIV 1984)

"The Lord will vindicate me; your love, Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands."
- Psalm 138:8 (NIV 2011)

I've been reflecting on 2013 this past week and wow, a lot has happened. In one sense, nothing much changed, but in another sense, everything changed. I graduated high school, went to Korea this summer, and began college! All of it happened so fast. Graduating high school was exciting and really fun as I got to spend more time with my friends. Through the busyness, excitement, and fun times, I got distracted and lost my focus on seeking God. I would forget to ask Him what He wanted me to do and instead I would end up doing whatever I wanted to do. However when I went to Korea I spent so much time alone. I remember when I first arrived in Korea, I was stuck in my aunt's house only with a Bible, notebook, a book and pens because I didn't know I was going to sleep there that night. I had nothing to do that all I could do was read my book and ask God questions. As college began, I found myself spending more time alone than ever before. I wasn't used to spending so much time alone and honestly, it just felt lonely at times. My life seemed so different than majority of college students. I still lived at home, dependent of my parents while my friends seemed to make new best friends from dorming. Things were just different. It was new. It was uncomfortable. It was challenging.

I know that I am saved through the grace of God and nothing else. I know I am deeply loved by the Father. But the more I spent time alone, I started questioning myself on who I was. Am I really shy? What do I like? Am I Korean? Am I Korean American? And I realized that I had perceptions of myself that were no longer true. I realized that I changed throughout these years and it was time to let go of the past. Along with wrong perceptions, I had to let go of high school and embrace the next season in life God had in store for me. I am so thankful for all the great experiences in high school, but this is not where it ends. God still has a purpose and mission for my life. Greater things have yet to come!

Last year was difficult because I knew that God was near, but I couldn't feel his nearness as I did in the past years. Despite the discomfort, unclearness, and cluelessness, I know this was exactly where God wanted me to be. In the semester God gave me another perspective of all the alone time I had. It may have been someone's facebook status or something like that, but I there was a man who was imprisoned in prison in complete darkness without human contact for a whole year because he was a Christian. Can you imagine a whole year? I don't think I could last a week. But you know what the man said when he was released? When he was interviewed, he said he would do it again. He said the year was like a honeymoon with God. Wow. That really changed my perspective and I realized that all God wanted was for me to spend time with him. 

It reminds me of this song "All you've ever wanted was my heart."

As cliche as it may sound, last year I learned about who I am through learning about my culture and background. My Asian American studies class made me much more aware in the differences in race, class, and culture in our world today. Even just in our neighborhood, there's huge differences in race, class, and culture between PG County and Montgomery County. I didn't realize that there were so many differences! Yes, there are differences, but I believe Jesus came to this world to break all barriers. When Jesus went through Samaria to meet the Samaritan woman, he broke racial and social barriers. I believe that despite differences, we are called to love each person that God places in our lives. 

Going to Korea taught me to be more independent. I learned (still learning...) that my relationship with Jesus is just that - a relationship between Jesus and me. Yes, I need to spend time with other believers and learn from group Bible studies, but I cannot always rely and depend on that. I need to spend my alone time with Jesus by spending time reading His word. I need to guard and cherish the quiet moments spent with God. In the world's perspective, it looks so foolish. It seems like we're wasting our time and being lazy, but it's from the quiet times where our peace and strength comes from. As I lost my gaze on God last year, I didn't spend time with God as I used to. I worried over petty things like my grades even though the Bible says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6). I realized during the break that I can spend hours and hours watching movies or doing other things, but all these things can never satisfy me.  There must be something more to life than living like this. We must be made for more. There are so many distractions in this world, but really nothing in this world satisfies us but Jesus himself!

I thank God for watching over me throughout the year and being sovereign over my life even when I didn't feel it. I thank him for a good first semester and the friends he has placed in my life. I truly live fully under God's grace. My key verse for 2013 was Psalm 138:8 - "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands" and I believe that He did fulfill his purpose for my life in 2013. 

Let's pursue the presence of God in 2014!