time of reflection

This retreat was different, but that probably doesn't say much because every retreat is different.

I suppose I went to the retreat with a burdened heart. Don't get me wrong, I was totally excited for the retreat with all my heart. The anticipation built up as the week was passing by ever so slowly and compared to the pace of the week, the weekend went by like a second. As I write this reflection I can't believe the weekend is over. So, this weekend was different. Why? The Holy Spirit was working in us in a different way as he does something different every year. This retreat wasn't like last year's. No one was violently shaking, falling, or speaking in tongues, but nonetheless, it was special. Another thing is that I didn't bring my camera. For some reason, I didn't feel the need to, and it felt pretty good not taking pictures. Maybe half and half actually, ahaha. It was good to focus on the messages and such. I believe that God was telling me to just know who he is in stillness. There was just so much that happened in the span of 48 hours that this reflection will probably pull things from all sorts of places, haha. It's probably not chronological at all (except the beginning).

Then let's proceed into what stuck out to me. It was good listening to others share today before we left, but I guess I didn't share everything in great details. I feel like I talk all the time anyways, haha. I would say this retreat was thought-provoking. I guess I haven't thought like this or wrote out my thoughts like this in such a long time. It just reminds me of the times I used to write out the little things God was teaching me. Reflecting on what God teaches you is such an important thing.

• Random thought, but I believe people are most beautiful when they are genuinely laughing and smiling. It's just so beautiful, especially in pictures. Professional models are gorgeous and all that, but really, the picture that always stands out to me is one of a person genuinely smiling. That's beautiful. 
• Photography. People have asked me if I wanted to start my own company or pursue it as my career one day, and the answer is, I have no idea. I always thought of it as a hobby. I always imagined myself doing something in the medical field, but I don't know what. Right now, I only have bits and pieces of what God wants me to do in my life and to be truthful, I really don't know how they fit all together. Missions, photography, and career to be determined? But one thing I do know about photography. I want to capture people's smiles through pictures. I want to be able to capture those special moments, but that takes practice because I miss great moments all the time through fumbling through turning on the camera and focusing. I also just love it! I think it's something I need to rededicate to God. It's definitely a talent he has given me and I want to use it to advance his kingdom. I don't want to simply use it to become a "good photographer." I'm not good at taking pictures just because I am. It's definitely from God and all the glory goes to him. As I am writing this, I just remember those times when I was beginning to take pictures in those middle school years. Ah, those days when God would show me a different perspective of him through pictures. I would notice, for example, those simple flowers in my front yard in spring and just be in awe of them. Sounds silly, but I think that's how I began to notice little things about God.
• Freedom. I realized how free we are in Christ. Seriously. I remember only a few years ago, I was cautious and easily worried about what others thought of me. Oh, those awkward middle school years, haha. I feel like now I know more of who I am in Christ. There's so much more to learn, but there's this freedom when you know Christ. It's quite liberating. It's so different from a worldly sense of freedom because in reality, there really isn't complete freedom. To be free is to be free from sin. I remember once my friend told me that now that she is older, she feels as if she can't be carefree and free any more, but we can be free. (:
• Confidence. It's what I needed to hear about this weekend. Confidence in God, that is.
• Life of hopelessness vs. hopefulness. These two lifestyles are completely different; they're polar. Obviously if they're polar, you can only choose one. Before the retreat, I was going back between a life of hopelessness and hopefulness. One day, I would believe that God could do anything, and then the next day, I would just doubt. From that, I conclude that the life of hopefulness is far better and greater. Trust me. The life of hopeless is full of despair and anxiety. It's not the life you want to live. On the other hand, the life of hopefulness is a promising life of victory. Jesus says -- cast your burdens onto me, do not be anxious, do not worry, and so much more. It's a life full of victory and confidence. I have chosen to live a life full of hopefulness and I hope that I can do this for the rest of my life. I know that there will be hard times, but I hope that I can live a life full of hope!
• Joy. If I think back to elementary school, I think I never smiled. Maybe only when I played with my friends, but really, I don't recall smiling often. I was quiet, solemn, and reserved. But now, in comparison, I would say I am a much happier person. Why? Not because of anything I did, but because of what Jesus did! Man, God is such a happy God. Sometimes I find myself just laughing to myself in school or somewhere, looking like an idiot just smiling, haha. I just love the joy that God gives me and the people he has placed around in my life to just make me smile. I believe God wants me to just laugh through the most difficult times of my life. I will be laughing in May...
• Reassurance. When I came to the retreat, it wasn't like I was in a terrible condition spiritually. It was more like I needed to be reassured and hear encouragements and God definitely gave me that.
• SAT is possible and I just need to believe it's possible to do well.
• God is good all the time. It's becomes even more real to me every time I say it. Every day, I am learning that God is so good.
• "and if our God is for us who can ever be against us..." That part of the song stuck out so blatantly - conspicuous! haha (:
• I loved the thing with the envelopes we did, though I wished that I could write a real legit letter for each person, but we were sort of limited by time. 'cause really, wouldn't you get a really thoughtful letter than 100 letters that mean nothing to you? Not saying my letters didn't mean anything! They did mean a lot, lol. It was good getting small notes and letters. It was good giving, but at the same time, it was good receiving. 

I'm losing my train of thought and this is all I can really think of at the moment. I would say I was greatly encouraged this weekend. I'm so excited for the future God has for me and for everyone else as well! Let's claim the life God has for us. Through the hardest times, don't give up! It's going to be worth it all - every single day.

Just smileeeee.

This has got to have been one of my longest posts ever. (: